


Wherever you go, I will follow

by imokipromise



Series: They don’t make glass slippers [2]
Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: (g)i-dle - Freeform, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Smut, University, lika a lot a lot of angst, still so many gays, you know me i write dark stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29098365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imokipromise/pseuds/imokipromise
Summary: Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.Or,Three years later, and everything fell apart.Chapters are named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Series: They don’t make glass slippers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111580
Comments: 242
Kudos: 277





	1. May the tide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back to my WEFA sequel! i hope you’ll enjoy this work just as much as you enjoyed my last one!
> 
> WARNINGS: throwing up.

Minnie 1:1

*

“Nicha honey, wake up.” her mother whispered in her ear. “We have to leave soon.”

Minnie wanted to sink into her pillow and disappear right there, but she knew she couldn’t. Still, she rolled to the other side and pulled the pink cover over her head as she grunted.

“Honey.” Mali ripped the duvet off. “I prepared clothes for you on the dresser.”

“Let me stay.” Minnie tried in her husky morning voice.

“You know I can’t do that.” she said quietly.

The daughter turned to her mother while pulling down the cover. Her eyes stung from the crying she’d been doing all night. Her head pounded, but what hurt the most was the punching feeling in her chest.

“Please mommy.” she begged and reached for her mother’s hand. “Let me stay with her.”

Her mother bit her lower lip, as she frowned and looked into her daughter’s soul. For a second, Minnie thought she’d listen to her and let her stay with her Miyeon, but then Mali pulled her hand away and turned around.

“The clothes are on your dresser.” she said before leaving the room.

Minnie wanted to scream and punch whatever came her way. She wanted to break down, yell at everyone in her way and head straight home to her love. 

She felt how her lower lip started quivering, how her eyes filled with water and how it got hard just to hold them open. A lump started moving up her throat, causing her to start gagging, but she swallowed it down.

Her legs were shaking when she walked over to the dresser. Like she’d expected, there laid her black, tight jeans and a pink blouse. She could do nothing else than to put them on.

Minnie’s eyes moved to the mirror, in which she looked at herself before sighing and putting up her hair in a ponytail. 

As she walked down the stairs, she noticed the door being open. Her last chance to get away to Miyeon, was through that open door.

Without even really noticing what she was doing, her feet started moving towards it. It was like a spell someone put on it, and her body followed it. She didn’t want to turn around, she couldn’t. Her foot touched the cold stone outside the door, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Minnie turned around quickly, to see her fathers frown. His eyes were entirely bland without any depth at all. Mr. Yontararak motioned for a box with ‘Nicha’ written on it, before looking back at her.

She nodded, and put on a pair of knee-high shoes her mother had put by the door for her, and a beige, formfitting jacket. 

Mac entered the room with both corners of his mouth tilting down, and gleaming eyes. Minnie thought he would start crying any second.

He wrapped her in his warm embrace, and whispered into her ear.

“I’ll talk to her.” he said quietly.

Minnie nodded against his shoulder before pulling away. She grabbed the box, walked out to the truck outside and put it in the back. Her mother was chatting with the driver, before she noticed her daughter and walked over to her.

“Exciting, isn’t it?” she said in Thai, which they rarely used with each other, and wrapped an arm around her. “You’ll get to go home, finally.”

Miyeon was her home.

*  
*  
*

The drive to the airport was too long. Six hours in a car with her grunting father, and her mother who tried to make conversations every few minutes. With every roll of the decks, the further away she got away from her home. From her life.  
She thought too many times just to open the door, jump out and wait to be crossed by other cars on the road. But she was seated in the middle, so one of her parents would’ve stopped her before she got out.

It had gotten so long, so tormenting, that she barely noticed when they reached the airport. She felt her mother’s pull on her arm, which made her climb out, and one more, so she walked forwards. If she just shut everything off, it didn’t hurt too much. So she did.

The only sign she got that they’d made it to Thailand, was the heat that touched her arms. And she felt her back hit a soft cover, so she realised they were at the resort.

Her name was being called, and she followed her dad to the kitchen. She bare all noticed her grandparents waiting for her, she could just hope she smiled and acted polite when she greeted them.

“Your brother will come later tonight.” she heard behind her.

She was placed on a table, with a bunch of food in front of her. Minnie couldn’t remember how many bites she took, or if she even lifted her chopsticks at all. 

When she felt a pair of warm arms wrap around her, and that familiar scent, she felt how tired she was. 

“I’ll stay with you.” Mic said to her. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She nodded, and he followed her to her bedroom. As she sat down on her bed, he closed the door behind them.

“I want to talk to Miyeon.” Minnie said quietly.

“Do you have your phone?” he asked.

“They took it.”

“I don’t have mine either.” Mic sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulder, to which Minnie fell against him. “I’m sorry.”

She felt the tears starting to fall again, how that lump climbed further and further up. It craved so much energy to keep it down, that she fell asleep somewhere in the process.

*  
*  
*

“And then, we bought you this.” her mother said and held forward the clothing.

She’d entered Minnie’s room, to show up the clothes they’d bought for tonight’s event. A short, tight red dress, a pair of black heels, and jewellery. But Minnie almost lost her breath when she saw the bra her mother presented to her. Red, lace, push-up.

“We figured you don’t have any like this, so it would be nice to have one, right?” Mali said and reached it forwards. “If you like it, we can buy you more.”

Minnie grabbed it, and swirled it around as she studied it.

“I wasn’t sure about the size.” she said. “You should try it.”

She put on her outfit, and her mother smiled. The brushes her mother had prepared started swaying over her face, making her eyes look bigger and her skin lighter. Her mother made her lips look fuller, and her cheeks thinner, before she smiled happily at the result. Minnie thought she looked like a different person.

When they arrived at the gathering, it felt awfully familiar to the ones back in South Korea. The same rich men and their families, dressed in the same tuxedos and dresses, telling the same lies, showing the same fake smiles. 

She was given a drink, she didn’t know if there was alcohol in it or not but she still swallowed it down in one go.

Then, her father presented her to an older man. Not her father’s age, but by far older than herself. He had brushed his hair over to cover his bald spots, and smelled like cologne. 

“Somchai Ayutthaya.” he presented himself as and shook her father’s hand before her own.

She didn’t even have to look at her father, before she knew that this was the man she would marry.

*  
*  
*

Not even a month later, and the wedding was in the middle of planning. Her mother, grandmothers and some women she barely had met before, sat with her around the kitchen table and showed her different pictures, all wedding-related.

“What do you say about blue napkins?” one of the stranger women asked.

“I think white would fit better, don’t you agree Nicha?” Mali asked.

“Yes, mother.” Minnie answered.

“Then we can have an ongoing theme of white, and maybe if you kept your hair colour, it would match great.” she had already started choosing between the next pictures.

“Yes, mother.” she answered.

Later that night, Somchai took her out for a celebratory dinner. He held his hand low down on her waist, as he showed them to the table.  
He ordered for both of them, without asking what Minnie wanted, before turning his attention to her.

“How is the planning going?” he asked in a nasal voice.

“Good.” Minnie answered.

“What have you decided so far?”

“White napkins.” she knew herself how far away her eyes where as her eyelids had fallen down halfway, but she didn’t even try to make an effort to lift them up.

“That sounds a little boring.” he uttered. “I think blue would be more fun.”

“Yes, sir.” Minnie said while nodding.

The food got there, and he started eating immediately. Sauce ran down on the side of her mouth, and he didn’t realise. He didn’t care to swallow before taking a big sip of his red whine.

“When are you colouring you hair back to black?” he asked with moist food in his mouth.

“Black?” she looked into his eyes for the first time since they’d sat down.

“Yes, black.” he answered. “I can’t have a wife with pink hair, I hope you understand that.”

“Yes, sir.”

Miyeon loved her pink hair.

“You could go blonde, too.”

“Yes, sir.”

“God, you’re lucky you’re pretty.” he said under his breath and stuffed more food into his mouth.

“Yes, sir.” she answered him.

She was nothing but a body without a soul.

*  
*  
*

Minnie was wondering what Miyeon was doing. It was summer now. She’d probably made it through the last term of junior year, and was right now preparing for senior. Miyeon probably spent everyday with their friends. Playing games, bathing in the river, eating ice cream.  
In an imaginary world, Minnie was there with them. Laid kisses all over Miyeon every night, laughed with her all day long. Had the casual fights that she’d grown to love, not because of the fight itself but because they always came out stronger after it.

Maybe they’d be fighting right now, before they pressed their soft lips together and declared their love for each other. Yuqi and Shuhua probably gagged, Soojin probably complained in another way. If Soyeon had gone home yet, she would pull them apart and tell them to ‘get a room’, but Minnie and Miyeon wouldn’t care. They’d giggle against each other’s lips, and leave a few more pecks before joining the younger’s activities.

But the imaginary world was just that, imaginary. Minnie was pulled back to reality when she felt two sweaty hands grab her own.

She looked to the side and saw so many of her relatives there. People she hadn’t seen for years. And there were people she’d never met before as well.  
Minnie remembered that they all were here to look at her, and the man holding her hands.

She pulled her head back, and met his gaze. He was smiling widely, and she figured she should return it.

A minute later, he started leaning in. She felt his lips pressed on hers. His dry, ugly lips. Nothing near Miyeon’s. Minnie felt the lump in her throat again.

The ceremony was followed with a party, until he got her home. To their home. She couldn’t remember if she’d even got to choose anything in their home, but it didn’t matter anyways. The house would never be a home to her.

He lead them directly to the bedroom.

Once he’d fallen asleep hours later, the lump had grown too big for Minnie to be able to hold it down without choking. So she ran to the bathroom and let the lump out. But then came another one, and another one. She only stopped letting them out when she had no power left in her body. 

Minnie swallowed the new lump, and made her way out of the bathroom, while feeling the piercing pain in her body.

He was still sleeping when she got there, so she carefully placed herself on her own side, and pulled the covers over herself.

Miyeon would never be able to look at her if she knew what she’d done. And Minnie wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to look Miyeon in the eyes either.

*  
*  
*

Two years later, and she was still living under Somchai’s roof. She’d thought about getting away so many times, but she always remembered that she had nowhere to go. The place she wanted to go, was a plane ride away, and she had no money for that.

Being his wife, meant no job for her. No life outside their house. She met her family a couple of times a month, but that wasn’t much better. Mic was sent away to study in China over two years ago, so he wasn’t any save either.  
Minnie hadn’t made any friends, she had no energy for that. And between cooking breakfast, cleaning the house, go grocery shopping, do the laundry, and every other little shore, there wasn’t much time left before she had to start cooking dinner for her husband, and make herself pretty, before he came home. Then she had to clean the dishes, and join him in whatever activity he had planned for them. 

He was outspoken with wanting a child to more people than just Minnie. Every time they joined a gathering, she got multiple questions if there was a baby on the way, and she was just as happy to say ‘no’ every time. She couldn’t show that, of course, so she bore her sad face, owning a pat on her shoulder.

In the best scenario, one of them was unable to have a child, so that she never had to have one with him, and be stuck here forever. And she’d gotten her hopes up so much, that she’d stopped worrying about it.

Until one day, when she was out on her usual grocery spurt. The store was only ten minutes from the house, in a pretty open part of the city.

There were multiple people there at every hour, so seeing a few familiar faces wasn’t unusual. She used to hide as much as possible, so she didn’t have to fake how happy and content she was in front of Somchai’s friends and colleagues. She didn’t expect to see four familiar faces from South Korea on her usual spree.

“Mrs. Seo?” she asked, and knocked on a woman’s shoulder.

The woman turned around, at the same time as her husband and her two young kids. It was indeed the person Minnie had called after.

“Nicha Yontararak, isn’t it?” she asked with a smile.

She looked a lot less tired now than she’d done two and a half years ago.

“Yes.” she answered in her Korean that had become a bit broken over the time. “Well, it’s Nicha Ayutthaya now.”

“Oh, are you married already?” she asked.

“Yes.” Minnie answered.

“Well, then I’m happy for you.” the woman smiled.

Minnie looked down to the two kids. They were around three now, and started looking a lot like her old friend. Their rounds cheeks and cat-like eyes resembled their older sister a lot. The boy even had a mole on his temple, and although it wasn’t placed at the same place at Soojin’s, it still reminded her a lot of it.

“How is Soojin... and Miyeon?” Minnie couldn’t keep herself from asking.

“Oh, they’re doing great.” her smile grew even wider. “Both are in Seoul. Miyeon’s studying art while Soojin’s studying dance. I’m sure they would love if you visited them.”

Minnie nodded.

“Do you know anything about Soyeon? And what about Yuqi and Shuhua?”

“I’ve seen Shuhua around quite a bit when Soojin comes home.” she said. “There’s sadly no news about Soyeon. I remember how bad Soojin felt about it and how she couldn’t even tell us, our dear Miyeon had to.”

Yeah, Miyeon just was that sweet. She felt the lump in her throat again.

“Yuqi?” she asked.

“Yuqi used to come around, until she didn’t anymore.”

Minnie nodded again.

“Yejin was so sad. They used to be friends, did you know that?”

“I-I did.” she stuttered. 

So there were only three left. She had to swallow down the tears she was ready to spill for her young friend.

“How... How’s Yejin now?”

“Oh, she’s better than ever.” one of the small kids had started complaining by pulling her mother’s arm. “She has a boyfriend now, and is apparently too busy to follow us on a family vacation.”

The woman chuckle, and Minnie followed her. At least someone was doing okay.

“Do you know if Miyeon is seeing-“

“Yes, yes, I’m coming.” Mrs. Seo, or Yang, or whatever, said in a scolding voice. “It was nice chatting with you Nicha, but I’ll have to leave now. Visit us in Korea, please!”

Minnie didn’t even get to say another thing before the woman had been pulled away by her young daughter.

She was happy her friends seemed to be doing okay. Most of them, at least. It sounded like Miyeon had a good future ahead of her, doing what she’d always wanted to do. Minnie just wished she’d be in it.

As she walked home, she suddenly felt herself becoming nauseous. She even had to sit down before she could continue. But when she was home and stuffed the groceries into the fridge, she suddenly gaged. It wasn’t one of those lumps that wanted to be let out this time, this was something else.

She rushed to the bathroom and saw her lunch disappear down the pipes. Luckily, she was able to clean away the smell from the toilet and brush it away from her mouth, before her husband got home. She even managed to cook him a full meal, before he touched her lips with his on and presented her with a bouquet of flowers.

Minnie didn’t like receiving flowers. She didn’t like the stereotype that all women likes flowers, she didn’t like women’s stereotypes at all. She didn’t like how she always had to take the lead, take care of the house, be presented as a trophy. She didn’t like any of it. 

“I come with good news.” he said.

Minnie had already learned that his good news wasn’t her good news.

“You’ll get to go to the country you grew up in, isn’t that fun?” he asked with a smile.

The girl wasn’t expecting in at all, and therefore barely even reacted to his words, before they really entered her ears.

“What?” she asked.

“Korea!” he smiled. “I’ve got a business trip in a couple of months and I figured you’d want to follow along since it’s your second home.”

It’s her only home. At least, somewhere on a campus, in a art classroom, in Korea is her home.

“Do you know which city?” she asked carefully.

“I think it was Seoul, if I remember correctly.” 

She couldn’t contain her happiness anymore and smiled widely. She still stood by the stove, didn’t move an inch, but this was a really happy sign coming from a girl who hadn’t smiled sincerely in two and a half years.

*  
*  
*

“I’m off all day tomorrow, but then we have a party to attend in the evening. Then I have a meeting the day often, and a lunch with a colleague the same day. Are you remembering all of this?” he asked her from his place on the plane.

“Yes.” she answered him.

Minnie hadn’t listened one bit. She was too busy looking out the window at the country beneath her. She’d smiled all the way there, she just couldn’t stop herself.

Her smiled soon disappeared when they got to the hotel room, and her husband wanted to continue his mission of creating offsprings.

But she couldn’t even think of what he was doing with her body, she was too busy planning how to get away from him tomorrow night without him noticing. She figured he would let her use the restroom during the night, and there was her chance to leave.

She put her plan to work the next day. He, like she’d thought, let her run off to the bathroom. But instead of walking down the hall, she took the complete other direction, towards the front door. Minnie grabbed the first coat she could get her hands on, before hurrying out the door.

Since she wore heals, her feet started hurting immediately but she had could not slow down. The coat she’d grabbed had a hood, so she quickly pulled it over her head. She would be too recognisable with her blonde hair.

There were two universities in Seoul, Minnie could just hope she was walking towards the right one. She read all the signs on the streets. It was unusual to see those kinds of characters, but her brain quickly adapted.

The walk wasn’t too long, at least not with Minnie’s speed. She felt nauseous again, but she couldn’t stop. She wouldn’t stop. 

Students were still walking wildly around the aria. Most of them were probably done with classes for today.

“Excuse me.” she said to the first person she saw. “Do you know Cho Miyeon?”

The person just looked at her with a frown, so she decided to repeat her questions. The frown stayed. Minnie figured the boy doesn’t know Korean, so she switched to English and asked again.

“No, sorry.” he said before hurrying away.

Minnie tried asking so many more. She couldn’t even keep count. And all of them, every single one, said no. The thai was just loosing time.

“Excuse me.” she said and knocked on a girl’s shoulder. “Do you know Cho Miyeon?”

The girl turned around with a smile on her face. Her hair was curly and pitch-black, and her skin multiple shades darker than her own, despite having a tan from the constant summer in Thailand.

“Miyeon?” she asked. “Could she possibly have a cousin named Soojin?”

Minnie nodded rapidly.

“She’s studying art right?” the kind girl asked.

Minnie nodded again.

“Well, she doesn’t live on campus.” and there her hope fell. “I could give you her address though, if you want to?”

And she nodded widely again. Her smile grew even wider, as she became teary eyed.

“Okay.” she said and pulled out a paper from her back that she scribbled down characters and numbers on. “Here you go.”

Minnie grabbed it, looked at it for a second, before looking up and lowering her body.

“Thank you.” she said.

“No problem.” the girl answered and smiled at her.

Minnie quickly moved back down the street, to the address written on the paper in her hand. 

She felt her heart beating wildly as the smile she was having wouldn’t disappear. 

The girl opened the port and hurried up the stairs. She walked down the hall to apartment number fifteen, and only stopped when she stood right in front of the door. 

Her heart pounded even harder now, and she couldn’t help herself from knocking firmly.

She closed her eyes as she tried to listen to any sound inside the apartment, but she heard none.

Minnie was just about to know again, when she heard the lock klick, and the door opened.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> What are your thoughts on everything that happened to Minnie?
> 
> don’t worry, next chapter is ot6. well, ot5...


	2. That is entering even now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i worked really hard on getting these two chapters out as quickly as possible. i wanted to post them together.
> 
> i’m also proofreading WEFA... i wrote a really depressing story.
> 
> WARNINGS: disease.

*

“Have you eaten?” she heard in her ear from the bathroom at her school.

“Yes, JinJin.” Shuhua answered in an annoyed voice. “I’ve eaten.”

Shuhua was placed in the window, where she knew Soyeon and Soojin used to chat, and she loved it there, because she remembered one of her first meetings with Soojin as soon as she sat down.

Her back was resting against the window while her legs dangled down. Beside her was her backpack, and on top of it was her half eaten lunch.

“What did you eat?” Soojin asked in the phone.

“I don’t know. One of those lunch packs.” Shuhua studied the nails on her hand while she listened to the older sighing on her end of the call.

“There’s like no nutrition in those.” she complained. “You have to eat better.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” the younger answered.

“I’m serious.” Soojin stated firmly. “Why can’t you just eat the school’s lunch?”

“Cause it’s gross.” she said in her ‘duh’-voice. “And I don’t have anyone to eat with anyways.”

The door to the restroom opened, and a girl started walking in. But she stopped as soon as she saw Shuhua, and hurried out with a face like if she’d seen a ghost.

Shuhua could only chuckle and roll her eyes.

“You should make some friends.” Soojin said and Shuhua scoffed. “I don’t like it that you’re eating alone on the toilet.”

“Everyone’s scared of me.” the younger answered.

“Because you glared at everyone who looked at me.”

“Because they were talking about you.”

There was a pause and a sigh, before Soojin spoke again.

“Whatever.” she said. “I’ve got class, I have to go.”

“Okay...” the taiwanese held out the vowel.

“I’ll see you soon, ShuShu.” the older said before Shuhua heard three beeps in her ear.

She brought down the phone from her ear and placed it by the box that contained her leftovers. She turned her back to the wall on the side of the window, so that she could look out at the students playing outside. All wore big jackets, as they stood in their circle of friends. There were a few groups that whispered while looking at other groups, a few groups that acted as cool as they could, and a few that didn’t seem to care whatever the others were doing.

She wondered if anyone was standing at the front of the school, just by the stairs where Shuhua used to be with her own group. They were six one semester, but quickly got down to four.  
The taiwanese barely even remembered what it was like when they were six. 

Minnie, Miyeon’s ex girlfriend who disappeared over the night, was from Thailand and she spoke Chinese. She also wore oversized clothes and fishnets, and she had pink hair. Her parents wanted to marry her away, but she managed to find a solution to that. Shuhua couldn’t remember much more about her. Not how she was like, how she acted. She only remembered how Miyeon never was the same after she left. But that post-Minnie Miyeon was the Miyeon Shuhua had become close to. 

Then there was Soyeon. Soyeon fought with everyone all the time, and kissed Yuqi so she ended up at the hospital. Then she had the guts to leave while her sister still was in her hospital bed. Shuhua hated Soyeon.  
Luckily, Yuqi wasn’t as in love with her as she could’ve been if Soyeon stayed for longer, so she wasn’t that heartbroken when the older left. Today, they barely mentioned her, if one of the older two hadn’t brought her up.

She knew Soojin and Miyeon missed the other two. They often talked about them during Miyeon’s last year. It would end in crying from her side, comforting from Soojin, and Yuqi and Shuhua who didn’t know what to do.

To Shuhua, it had always only been the four of them. If someone was to ask about her high school friends, she’d tell them about Yuqi, Soojin and Miyeon. They were a good group. Well mannered, and polite. Although Shuhua wasn’t the best student, her teachers still liked her because she was kind to them. Yuqi and Miyeon always got the highest grade, and Soojin tried her best.

Soojin quit the dance team right after that winter break. Students eyed her around the halls because they remembered her history with Hui, and they thought she crushed his heart. Well, maybe she did. But Shuhua still made sure to glare at them back, until no ones dared to get close to the former dancer. There were several rumours, but Shuhua didn’t care about them. They were all false, anyways.

When four went down to three, Shuhua became the heartbroken one. It was already the end of Miyeon’s last year then, and she’d finally stopped shedding tears every week. Then, she graduated, and moved to Seoul so study. So Soojin and Shuhua were alone. The group became two.

A lot happened with them, all platonic. Shuhua had tried to bring it up several times, but each time Soojin shut her down. She just learned how to ignore how her heart jumped every time they touched. 

The year went by like a heartbeat, and suddenly Shuhua found herself walking alone through the halls. Soojin followed her cousin to Seoul, to study dance.

An entire term of her sulking down the halls, hiding away in the bathrooms and befriending the teachers had passed. And that’s leads to right now, when Shuhua looked out the window at the other students. Alone, hidden away in the bathroom.

Oh, how she missed Yuqi.

*  
*  
*

Soojin got out of her sweaty class with a dripping wet neck, but there was no time to shower if she wanted to be able to eat lunch before her next class. Plus, she would only sweat even more there. Contemporary followed with HipHop was very tiring, and then she had to add jazz on top of that. But it was fun, and she loved it.

She bought a simple salad with chicken at the campus’ cafe, there wasn’t enough time for anything else. She was supposed to eat with her cousin, but Miyeon was stuck in her apartment doing a late assignment. 

So instead, she sat alone by a table and scrolled through her phone. 

Until, she was interrupted by someone sitting down at the other end. So she lowered her phone, and met a too familiar face.

“Soojin!” he said happily as he smiled.

“Hui?”

“I didn’t know you were studying here.” he stated, still with his smile.

“I...I started this year.” she answered him while squeezing her eyebrows.

“I figured.” Hui said. “I’ve seen Miyeon around quite a bit. Haven’t gotten the chance to talk to her though but... Fun that you’re here! What’s your major?”

“Dance.”

“Fun! You always loved dancing!” he sounded far too happy for her liking.

“You?”

“Ah, economy.” he nodded. “It’s not the most fun but it’s useful. And my dad kinda made me, so...”

Then, he started waving to someone at the other side of the cafe. Soojin didn’t have the gut, or interest really, to turn around and look. Instead, she kept her eyes on the guy that slowly was standing up.

“I have to go but,” he placed his hand on her shoulder, making her shiver immediately, “it was fun meeting you again!”

He soon walked off. Soojin frowned even bigger when he was gone, before brushing it off an continuing to enjoy her lunch.

*  
*  
*

It was already dark outside when Shuhua walked home that afternoon. The lights lit up her surroundings, and she remembered how nice it had been when Miyeon drove her home, even if it just was a five-minute-drive.

Her mom was in a meeting when she opened the door, she heard her speaking from the kitchen table. 

Shuhua walked in and waved to her, before meeting her dad in the living room. He had a notebook in front of him, and earphones in his ears. From time to time, his mouth opened and he let out a sound. 

She gave him a hug, before he ripped an earphone out.

“Ellllllll?” he asked as he looked at her.

“It’s like between l and r.” Shuhua corrected.

He smiled and her and put his headphone back on, before pulling it out again and pausing his ‘learn Korean -FREE TODAY’-program.

“I made some soup.” he said in Korean, but soon switched to Chinese with the next sentence. “Just reheat it and head right up.”

Shuhua nodded and did as she was told.

She was careful when she walked up the stairs, to not spill anything. She’d heated it a little too much, so it would have to cool down first. But that was okay. 

The girl moved slowly down the hall. Her parents hadn’t been upstairs since it was light out, she could see because no lamps were turned on. 

She had to carefully hold the bowl with one hand, as she opened the door.

“Dad made soup for you.” she said.

Yuqi was sitting by her desk, writing down notes from the biology book she was studying.

“Mm... I’m not hungry.” she said absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I know you’re not but you still have to eat.” Shuhua placed down the bowl beside her and ruffled the short hair that had started growing on her head a year ago, Shuhua had counted.

Yuqi quickly moved her head to the side, before glaring at her sister who just teased her with a smile.

“Did you even eat lunch today?” she asked while sitting down on the bed.

“My belly has been hurting all day.” she answered. “I couldn’t eat anything.”

Shuhua clicked her tongue and glared at her.

“You look like a stick.”

She did look like a stick. All fat that once had been on her body, had vanished. Her cheekbones and jawbone gleamed on her face. Her wrists looked like they would break any second, and her fingers were thin as twigs.

“Thanks, I know.” she placed down her pen and turned to face Shuhua. “Blame the chemo.” 

She brought her bony hand to the spoon, and took a tiny sip of the soup.

“Nope, I’m full.” Yuqi said and placed it right back.

”You’re gonna die if you don’t eat.” Shuhua stood up and walked to the desk.

“I’m gonna die even if I eat.” she tried to fight against the food the taiwanese was holding in front of her.

Yuqi brought up her own hand to the arm Shuhua was holding the spoon with, and harshly pushed it away from her, causing soup to spill all over her desk.

“Fuck!” she let out when her book got stained.

“That’s what you get for being childish.”

While Yuqi tried to dry the papers with tissues she had around her room, usually used for cleaning around her mouth after a good old throw-up in the middle of the night, Shuhua brought up her phone and called the first contact in there.

“What are you doing?” Yuqi asked when the phone was placed in front of her in the middle of her stressful cleaning.

“Calling Soojin.” the younger stated.

“Aw, so your little girlfr-“

“Shu?” the girl answered as her phone appeared on the screen. “And Yuqi? What’s up?”

She appeared to be laying down in her bed. Her long, brown hair was wet and her face still red from the heat of the shower.

“JinJin, she won’t eat.” Shuhua said, and Soojin put on her serious eyes instantly as she sat up. “Tell her to eat.”

“Yuqi eat.” she said.

“I don’t wanna.” the younger said and crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

“Your body needs nutrition or it won’t be able to fight all the bacteria away.” she said and came closer to the screen.

“No!” she argued. “I’m full! I’ll throw up!”

“You won’t.”

“I will.” Yuqi tilted her chin up and closed her eyes a bit.

“You won’t get your boobs back if you don’t eat.” the oldest stated with a smirk.

Now that, caught Yuqi’s attention. She looked back at the screen, and frowned before opening her mouth. Shuhua was quick to bring the spoon to her mouth. The chinese swallowed and opened again.

“Thanks JinJin!” Shuhua said before hanging up.

Soojin chuckled to herself and placed down her phone on the nightstand.

“Was that your kids again?” her roommate asked.

She was throwing a basketball against the wall, before catching it and throwing it again. Her skin was darker, and her hair pitch-black. Although she looked completely different from Soyeon, she still reminded her or her best friend.

“Yup.” she said and fell back on her bed with a sigh.

“Whoa, rough day?” Nia asked.

“Mhm.” Soojin said while rubbing her temples.

“Wanna talk about it?” Nia sat up from her bed, causing the other to do the same on the other end of the room.

“I met my ex today”. she said while biting the inside of her cheek.

“The douchebag, the taiwanese or the one who ran away?”

“First one.” Soojin shook her head at hearing all her failed attempts at love.

“Ugh.” her roommate answered. “He’s always been my least favourite amongst your exes.”

There was a pause for both of them to laugh a little, before they fell back onto their mattresses.

“I’m guessing it went bad?”

“Not really.” Soojin answered. “He’s... changed.”

“A good change?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

*  
*  
*

Miyeon’s hand traced the brush over the white fabric. The radio played in the background. It was light notes, a sweet melody, and powerful lyrics spitting at her. She was sure she’d heard this before, but the song was just released an hour ago. 

The korean switched the red she’d been using to a glowing yellow, colouring the dark blue background she’d painted a couple of days prior. Her teacher had praised her last work so much, that she felt even more pressure this time. Everything had to be perfect.

She was lucky she’d just taken away the brush from the painting to get a better view, as the doorbell’s ringing startled her. Miyeon dropped the tool on the tiled floor, which she’d luckily covered with newspaper. 

The doorbell rang a second time, before the young artist made her way to the front door. It wasn’t a long walk, as the kitchen, living room and front door all were in the same room. Luckily the bedroom had walls around it, and of course the bathroom as well. 

Miyeon dried her hand on some paper, before tying up her messy hair that she hadn’t fixed this morning. She’d put on her apron on top of her pyjamas, but there was no time to change. 

She reached her hand towards the lock, turned it around and put on her widest smile before opening the door. Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw the person on the other side looking down to the ground, with a hood covering her head and a black robe hung on her slightly taller body. Her hair was blonde, Miyeon saw as it creeped out from under her hood, but the ends were spilt and the straws dry.

“Hello.” Miyeon greeted when she realised that the other person wouldn’t.

She kept her hand around the doorknob, just in case.

The person slowly brought their hands up to the hood, and slowly pulled it off their head. Miyeon could see a slightly darker skin tone than her own, and a ring placed around one of the fingers. 

After a short while, the woman lifted her head up. Her hair was indeed blonde and very ruined, while short bangs were pushed to the sides. Not even having to switch her eyes from the forehead, she knew exactly who it was. But there was nothing in her body that wanted to believe it, except her heart that ached the second the two met eyes.

Minnie, the Kim Minnie, was right now standing outside her apartment. Her skin was tanner, but she still looken paler in some way. Her lips were chapped, and her nose running. Her brown orbs were big and deep, just like Miyeon had remembered in her dreams every night. They were dropping tears down at the coat. But there was something else to them. A darkness that sent chills up Miyeon’s body. 

“Minnie.” Miyeon muttered, not believing what her eyes were showing her.

“Hey, Miyeonie.” she said, with an accent greater than it ever had been before.

It didn’t take another second for the younger to throw herself into Miyeon’s arms. She snuggled her head into the older’s neck, and took in the scent she’d been yearning after for so long. There was no cologne trying to hide the sweat. It was just Miyeon, sweet and warm. And a little paint too, but Minnie didn’t mind that. 

The older’s arms were wrapped around her, and she squeezed a little tighter as she buried her head even deeper in. Miyeon’s skin was still soft.

Miyeon felt the tears spilling down on her neck, as she tried to take in the situation. Of course she’d imagined the day she’d see the younger again so many times, but she never thought it would actually happen. And everything she once pictured, it was nothing like this.

An hour later, and they were sitting on the couch. Minnie studied the room around her. The walls in a minty green, and the white kitchen counters. The table with one chair on each side, the paintings of flowers on the walls, and the tv in front of her. She noticed the movies and games placed underneath it that wasn’t Miyeon’s style if she remembered correctly, but a lot can happen in three years. And she saw the unfinished painting by the window. She smiled to herself.

“This really looks like you.” Minnie commented, and looked back at the older.

She was sitting upright, with her hands on her knees as she looked back and fourth through the room. Minnie couldn’t blame her. She’d been gone for years, without a single sign that she was alive. 

“Do you want to take that off?” she then said, motioning for the jacket on the other’s body.

Minnie nodded, before sliding it off her bare arms. Miyeon watched as the skin was displayed when the coat fell down. She noticed how the arms grew bumps immediately. The tight dress hugged her body, pressing in whatever skin to a perfect figure. 

Miyeon hated that she had to fight with herself to not stare. It didn’t help that it was short, showing Minnie’s long legs.

“Do you want to... Do you want to borrow some clothes?” the korean asked, taking her jacket and leaving it by the door.

She didn’t wait for Minnie’s reply before she entered the bedroom and opened the drawer. Miyeon brought out a pink hoodie, and a pair of sweatpants that she knew wasn’t her own. 

“They might be too big.” she said and handed the clothes to Minnie. “The bathroom is right there.”

She gestured towards a white door. The younger smiled faintly before standing up and moving to the bathroom. Miyeon put a pot of water on the stove, and searched in the cabinets for some tea. She found a box placed far behind the objects, and smiled as she noticed it being green tea, Minnie’s favourite. At least it was three years ago.

Once the water was boiling, she poured it over into a cub, and placed the teabag into it. 

Minnie walked out just a minute later. The clothes hung on her body, but Miyeon liked this version of Minnie better. Because this version actually looked like the real Minnie. 

“I made you some tea.” Miyeon said, lifting up the cup towards her.

The two sat back down on the couch. Miyeon watched as Minnie carefully sipped the warm water. 

“Why are you here?” she couldn’t keep herself from asking anymore.

“Because we made a promise.” Minnie muttered. 

“I mean, why are you here now? We made that promise four years ago.” Miyeon said, lowering her body. “So much has changed.”

Minnie nodded slightly at her words. She took another sip before placing the cup at the table in front of her. The thai turned her head around, to fully look at Miyeon. She brought both her hands forward, and placed them on Miyeon’s that were resting in her lap. Miyeon felt the cold ring meet her skin.

“My love for you hasn’t changed.” Minnie said, while opening her eyes as much as she could.

Miyeon watched the sincerity in her eyes. She felt hit by her words, just like she used to do years ago.

“How’s Taejeon?” she asked.

She wasn’t quite sure why. Was she jealous? Irritated? She shouldn’t be either.

“Taejeon?” Minnie asked while wrinkling her forehead. “I haven’t seen him since we left.”

“Who is that ring from then?” Miyeon’s voice came across sharper than she intended to.

“Oh.” Minnie said and eyed her finger. “It’s from my dad’s colleague.” 

The younger girl cleared her throat and brought her hands back to herself.

“We got married two and a half years ago.”

Miyeon nodded slightly.

“Do you love him?” she asked.

“No!” Minnie was quick to say and brought her unclothed hand back to the older.

“So you ran away?” the younger was surprised as the older was able to figure it out so quickly.

She guessed the not-so-casual clothes, and the state she was in was a give away.

“Yeah.” she answered.

“Why now?” Miyeon asked. “Why not two and a half years ago?”

The younger looked back down at the couch again. Miyeon knew immediately that there was something she wouldn’t tell. Minnie bit her lip before taking a deep breath. Then, she looked up at Miyeon and moved a hand to the older’s cheek.

“I love you, Miyeonie.” Minnie whispered. “I’ve not ever stopped loving you.”

The older felt the tension rise in the room. But she couldn’t hold back on her smile, or the way her hand placed itself on top of Minnie’s. The younger smiled back immediately.

Miyeon hadn’t noticed that they slowly were leaning towards each other. She closed her eyes when she felt a nose against her own, and hot breath hitting her lips. She parted them, and leaned even more forwards.

“I-“ she whispered, but was cut off.

The key moved in the lock, causing both of the girls to jump away immediately. There was suddenly a fair distance between the two.

Footsteps were heard, and a tall figure clothed in a blue jacket appeared. It was holding white bags in both hands, and had a cap on its head.

“Hey babe.” he said, before eyeing the third figure in the room.

Minnie could barely hide her glare. Miyeon’s head moved back and forth between the two, unable to say anything.

“Who’s this?” the guy raised an eyebrow but smiled at the stranger.

“I’m Minnie.” Minnie said, biting down on her teeth. “Who are you?”

“Kwan. Miyeon’s fiancé.” he said, and placed down the bags on the counter. 

Fiancé. The word hit Minnie like a shock from a thousand lightning strikes at the same time. But Miyeon wasn’t wearing a ring, which means that she was the one to propose. Miyeon, her Miyeon, who she’d thought about everyday for years, wanted to marry someone who wasn’t her.

“I didn’t know we would have company?”

“Neither did I.” Miyeon said quietly.

“Oh well. The more the merrier!” he smiled.

He placed a kiss on Miyeon’s head, which immediately formed hidden fists behind Minnie’s back. But she couldn’t do anything. So she let them fall to her sides, together with her head.

The older noticed.

*  
*  
*

“You can use the shower, if you want.” she said from the doorway. “I put clean towels on the washer.”

Minnie nodded, but she kept her head down. 

Miyeon wanted to go and embrace her. Tell her everything was okay and that they would be together forever, but she couldn’t tell lies. 

“Min,” she said instead, and caught the other’s attention slightly as she looked up, “I’m happy you’re home.”

With that, she closed the door and climbed into the sheets she’d bought with her fiancé when they moved in a year ago.

He was already half-asleep, leaving room for her thoughts to corrupt the entire space.

She remembered the day Minnie had gone away.  
She remembered how she was so irritated that Minnie hadn’t answered her texts, so she hurried to the thai’s house just when she’d woken up, only to see her girlfriend’s brother with a sad expression on his face.  
He’d told her Minnie was gone, and there was no way contacting her.

Miyeon had broken down right there. She hadn’t cared about the brother standing at the door, not knowing what to do. Then, he offered her to walk up and into Minnie’s room. Miyeon did, and instantly hurried herself in the pink sheets. Most of the room was left untouched, but there were a few objects she’d brought with her.  
The korean cried so many more hours, wrapped in her lovers cover, taking in her scent. She’d ended up bringing with her a pillow home. A pink one.

The exact same one she had under her head, that Kwan several times had told her to get rid off because it didn’t fit in with their overall white room, but she couldn’t throw it away. 

Minnie’s scent had disappeared long ago, but it was still her head that had formed it to its perfect shape. It still reminded her of her Minnie.

She was almost ready to cry, or laugh, before she heard the muttering beside her.

“Babe?” he asked. “What are you thinking about so loudly?”

He wrapped an arm around her.

“Nothing.” Miyeon answered and pressed her lips to his temple. “Nothing at all.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> Was I successful in making you think that I killed Yuqi?
> 
> just a little fact: before bone marrow transplant you have go through chemotherapy for a month, thereof the loss of hair and every other side effect.


	3. The lip of our understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapters are named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t forget to hype the collab guys!
> 
> WARNINGS: mention of sexual abuse, disease.
> 
> question at the end of chapter!!!

*

“So,” Kwan said and put some rice in his mouth, “how do you two know each other?”

Despite it being early in the morning, he wore a wide smile as it glimmered in his eyes.

Minnie got the chance to really look at him. His eyes were big and a dark shade of brown, his hair was black and a mess, but it somehow still looked fixed. It was short and shoved over to one side, with all that volume everyone wished for. His jawbone was sharp, and he looked like he worked out at least five times a week. Kwan was so handsome, that Minnie only hated him more.

She couldn’t stop herself.

“We were-“

“We went to the same high school.” Miyeon cut her off.

Miyeon and her fiancé sat at one side of the table, while she was at the other. Their arms brushed against each other, and Minnie had to bit down her glare in order to still be polite. She was still in their home.

“Oh, so you’re from that little town as well? Babe, what was the name?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Miyeon said and turned to him.

She smiled at him with that smile, the one where sparkles creates and covers the entire room. The one she used to ware when she smiled at Minnie. 

The thai had to catch the burning feeling in her eyes, before it became visible for the other two.  
She lowered her head and kept it down at her bowl of soup, before stuffing her mouth with rice. A lump was slowly creating again, but she did her best to keep it down.

“What do you work with, Minnie?” he asked her with the same smile as before.

“I don’t have a job.” she answered.

“Oh, are you studying?”

“No.”

“So you’re taking some time off?” he put some soup into his mouth. “That’s good. Time to travel and relax and do whatever you want to do. I always wanted to take a couple of years of to travel, but then I got offered a job that I just couldn’t say no to.”

She couldn’t care less about what he was saying, not when his arm touched Miyeon and he made her smile like he was the only thing that mattered in the world. But she still nodded and smiled faintly.

“What are you planning to do in the future?”

Well, she was planning to reunite with Miyeon and live happily ever after, but he ruined that for her.

“I don’t know.” she answered him.

Her eyes went to Miyeon, who was looking right back at her. As their eyes met, she suddenly felt everything she’d ever felt for the girl. The the lust, anger, the love. She couldn’t take her eyes away. Minnie didn’t want to miss another second of looking at her beautiful face.

“What brings you to Seoul?” he seemed oblivious to the way Minnie stared at his fiancée.

“Love.” she said absentmindedly.

She got her consciousness back when Miyeon cleared her throat and stood up. The chair sounded loudly against the floor, as she raised quickly. 

“Isn’t it time for you to get ready?” she asked and turned to Kwan. “Babe.” she added the last word just to make it sound less forced, but it only made it worse.

He frowned, before standing up as well.

“I guess.” he answered.

The guy brought his empty bowl to the dishwasher, and caught Miyeon’s lips on his before heading into the bedroom.

Miyeon was still standing by the chair, looking down at Minnie who had lowered her head, mainly not to have to see how his lips met hers.

“Min.” she looked up when her name was called. “You can’t say stuff like that, okay?” 

The last part was no higher than a whisper, but Minnie heard it as a scream. She stood up from her seat, and took a step closer to Miyeon.

Minnie felt how her eyelids flickered, and her breathing turned heavier. She opened her lips the tiniest bit, as she continued to walk closer to the korean. Her steps were slow and steady, and she got close enough to smell Miyeon’s shampoo.

Miyeon’s eyes were glued to the thai, and when her warm hand touched her cheek, she wanted to melt into it. She felt Minnie’s lavender scent, as the younger came closer and closer. Before she remembered her fiancé just a door away, so she took a step back.

“Don’t do that.” Miyeon whispered. “I’m engaged, and I love him.”

Minnie closed her eyes and swallowed hard, before nodding and opening her eyes again. She brought down her hand to her side, and stepped further away from her.

Inside, her heart felt like it shattered into too many pieces to count, and her blood had stopped flowing. But on the outside, she just nodded and made her way to the bathroom, where she could let out her tears, and the many lumps in her throat.

*  
*  
*

“Missed me?” the chinese asked the second the door opened.

Before her stood a teenager, with a shaved head and black eyeliner. She was dressed like she was planning to head out, but those plans quickly disappeared when she saw Yuqi.

“Woogi!” she yelled and threw herself in the older’s arms. 

Yuqi had felt a bit weird hearing that name in the past, but now she hadn’t heard Soyeon say it in years, so she was comfortable with it being Yejin’s nickname for her.

“Where have you been?” the younger girl said and pulled away, while taking a step from the door to let Yuqi in.

The winter cold was soon shut out, and exchanged to the warmth of the house.

“Funny story.” the older said. “I had to go through chemotherapy and with my immune system... yeah, I couldn’t go out at all.”

She pulled off her shoes and followed the other up the stairs.

“You did?” Yejin asked. “No one told me.”

Yuqi could hear the pout she had on her lips.

“Yeah, I told them not to.”

They entered the bedroom, and both quickly fell down on the bed.  
It was pink before, but now painted black with the bedsheets in green and a red carpet covering half of the floor.

Yuqi wondered how her mother allowed her to do this with her room, but she figured Yejin always had a privilege in this family. Maybe that’s also why she was allowed to dress like it was the middle of summer with legs only covered in fishnets and shorts, when there were no more than zero degrees outside.

“Why?” Yejin asked and clicked on the remote.

“Cause you had just quit.” the older answered while making herself comfortable. “I didn’t want to bring more of that hell into your life.” 

Yejin frowned for a second, before lightly nodding.

“I get your reasoning but... you should’ve told me.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuqi answered and hugged her from the side, until she shot back with a grin. “Hey! Soojin said you have a boyfriend!”

She was almost too loud for even the thick walls of the villa to keep her voice in. 

“I do.” the younger answered and failed to hide her blush.

“Who is it? How is he?” Yuqi grinned as she pulled herself up more.

Yejin smiled widely while seeming to think.

“Is he your Augustus?” the older smirked.

The korean’s smile broke down into a laughter, before she turned on a more serious face and turned to the older.

“More like Mr. Gray.” she smirked.

“Ew, okay.” Yuqi frowned, but still smiled. “I don’t need to hear more about it.”

“Don’t tell Soojin!” she pointed with a finger.

”I wasn’t planning on ever bringing it up again.” Yuqi mouthed.

Maybe she was just weird, but how could someone who just were years younger than her be further in the human growth than she was? Had she really lost that many years?

“What about you? Is Soyeon back?”

The name caught her off guard.

“Soyeon?” she asked. “I honestly forget about her. I’m sorry but, it was like three months of flirting, and I only got a crush on her the last week.”

Yejin frowned as she switched through the movies.

“She liked you a lot though.” she said quietly.

“Of course she did, who wouldn’t?” the older smirked.

“You don’t even miss her a little bit?”

Yuqi stayed quiet for a second. She thought an answered would come to her the second she opened her mouth, but it didn’t. Not even when she searched through her brain did it come to her.

She didn’t expect the question to make her feel uneasy. Even irritated.

“She left by her own choice.” the older answered. “She even said she doesn’t want to see me again.”

“She did? Why?”

“I don’t know.” she answered and quickly continued. “Let’s just watch the movie now.”

*  
*  
*

The second Shuhua took a step out into the cold, her phone rang, and she didn’t even have to look at the screen to know who it was.

“Hi, JinJin.” she said as she answered.

“Have you eaten?” she asked.

Shuhua could hear that she either just had woken up or had talked constantly the entire day, it was most likely the first.

“Yes.” the younger answered. “Mom cooked a lot of different stuff for Yuqi but she’s not even home. My mom wasn’t too happy.”

“Is Yuqi doing okay?”

Shuhua decided to walk down the road, towards the park. The ground was cold and slippery, but she managed to get by.

“She’s annoyed cause she can’t do stuff, but otherwise she’s doing better.” the taiwanese smiled. “She ate breakfast today, by the way. I think she listened to your advise.”

“Of course she did. She’s smart.” Soojin commented.

Shuhua heard her bedsheets swiping against each other, and concluded that she indeed just had woken up.

“Are you outside?”

“Yes, I’m taking a walk.”

Shu turned on the road, and remembered she had to text Yuqi, so she brought up her phone from her pocket. The cold air made her hands shiver immediately, but she chose not to mind it for a minute.

“Be careful, ShuShu. It’s really slippery.” the older said. “And don’t be out for too long or you’ll freeze to death.”

“Don’t worry.” the younger answered absentmindedly as she moved her freezing fingers across the screen.

“Are you wearing enough layers?”

“Yes.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, JinJin.”

There was a pause for a moment where Shuhua nagged on Yuqi about the dinner, and where the older one shifted in her bed yet again.

“Hey, Shu, do you wanna come this weekend?”

“Uhm...” she answered between texts. “If Yuqi doesn’t have an appointment, then su-“

She didn’t manage to finish her sentence nor her text, cause suddenly she felt her phone slip out of her hand and her but meet the cold ice beneath it.

“Shu?” could be heard through the phone a few steps away, but Shuhua couldn’t focus on that.

In front of her stood a girl, probably her own age, with long, black hair in braids, covered with a beige hat. She had a warm gaze and a heavy jacket around her, and the hands she was holding out for the taiwanese were covered in beige mittens.

“I’m so sorry!” even her voice was a warm contrast against the winter. “I should’ve worn my glasses.”

“It’s okay!” Shuhua was quick to answer and accepted the help up.

The other girl almost slipped as she pulled Shuhua up, but she still smiled when she slid across the ice. The taiwanese was quick to help her back, and held her up.

”I’m sorry, I’m so clumsy.” she was blushing madly, but Shuhua could only watch the beauty underneath the blush. 

“It’s fine.” she said, smiling at the stranger.

“I’m... I’m Munhee.” since their hands already were touching, there was no need to reach it out for the other, so Munhee began shaking Shuhua, startling the other before she could answer.

“Shuhua.” she said.

“Do you live close by?”

“Just up the street.” Shuhua’s eyes were entirely locked on the girl. 

She didn’t notice the car driving past them, or the snow starting to fall around them.

“Uhm... I think... I think your phone is screaming for you.” the other turned even more red.

Shuhua first now heard Soojin repetitive screams for her from the cold ground. She hurried over to her phone, shivered when she noticed the entire thing had turned cold, and then brought it up to her ear.

“I’m fine, but I have to hang up.” Shuhua said quickly.

“What?”

“We can talk more tomorrow, bye.” the older didn’t even get to say goodbye wrote the older had clicked the red button.

Shuhua looked back up at the girl, and decided that it was time to get home anyways when she started walking up her street. They smiled at each other, before walking side by side.

*  
*  
*

“Is he gone most nights?”

“He’s working.”

“What‘s his profession?”

“He’s a lawyer.”

”A lawyer? How old is he?”

”Twenty-six.”

“When did you meet?” Minnie asked and sipped her green tea.

“Minnie-“ she started complaining.

“What?” the thai questioned. “It’s just a question.”

They were placed on different ends of the couch, and Minnie had to fight with herself not to scoot closer every chance she got.

“You won’t like the answer.” Miyeon looked down at her hands where she had dried paint from having worked at the painting in the corner all day, while Minnie just watched her to admire her beauty.

“What? Like a year after I went away?”

Miyeon bit her lip.

“I met him my first week in Seoul.” she answered quietly. 

Minnie didn’t even have to think for long what that meant, and ended up scoffing while shaking her head.

“You couldn’t even wait six months, huh?” she started playing with the spoon in her tea and bit together her jaw to prevent her tears. 

“I said you wouldn’t like the answer.” 

The younger placed down her cup at the table, and buried her head in her hands, as she rested her arms on her knees. 

“So what, you met him as some kind of rebound or you never really loved me?” she asked quietly.

“I did love you.” she argued, her voice was a little sharper than the earlier broken one. “I just... Everyone left me, Minnie.”

She moved a little closer to the other girl, and used her entire body to emphasise her words.

“Everyone.” she repeated. “I needed someone who would stay, and Kwan promised me he would.”

“I didn’t leave you.” the younger said between her teeth. “I would never leave you.”

“I didn’t mean-“

“My dad made me.” she continued. “He made me go to Thailand, made me marry that man.”

When Miyeon’s hand placed on her back, she let the tears she was holding back our. Minnie was never one to hide her feelings, no matter how much she wanted to, and Miyeon knew that. Even if the blonde hair covered the face, the older knew that there was water running down Minnie’s cheeks.

“What did that man do to you?” she asked quietly and continued rubbing her back.

“Nothing he thought I didn’t want to do.” she answered. “But he wasn’t very good at seeing what I wanted.”

“Did you push him away?” 

“The first times.” her voice broke in the middle. “But he never got the hint, so I quit trying.”

Miyeon moved even closer, so close that she could wrap her arm around the other, and let her lean against her. She placed her head on Minnie’s back while squeezing her close.

“I’m so sorry Minnie.” she whispered.

They stayed silent for a while, the room only echoing with Minnie’s sniffs. Miyeon stayed close by her side, and had no plans to move away. It felt right to have Minnie in her arms again. 

When Minnie’s sniffs had disappeared, the sound was replaced with quiet chuckles, that slowly became louder. Miyeon stayed quiet, but she would lie if she said she didn’t start to worry about the other’s sanity, until she opened her mouth.

“Here I thought you were waiting for me, I hoped at least.” she said and chucked more. “I’m so stupid.”

“I didn’t think you were ever coming back.” Miyeon said. “If I knew you’d be back, I would’ve waited for you.”

“If you thought I’d be gone forever, why didn’t you come after me?” Minnie looked up with her red eyes, causing Miyeon to back away while still keeping her arms around the younger. 

“Mac said they took your phone and he had no idea where in Thailand you were going.” she rubbed more circles onto the back. “If I could, I would’ve, okay? Just like I know you would’ve. I loved you-“

“But it’s different now, I know.” they could still end each other’s sentences. “No offence, but I hate your fiancé.”

Miyeon chuckled.

“No offence taken.” she answered.

“Cause even if you’ve lived your life and moved on, my life has been pause for the last three years.” a new set of tears started falling. “I love you so much. It hurts when I see how you smile at him. And I just want to crush his skull and-“

“I get it.” Miyeon caught her off and held her tighter. 

They shared a comfortable silence again. Minnie loved Miyeon’s arms around her, but she hated them at the same time, because they weren’t hers.

“Why are you here now?” the older asked carefully, aware of the way it could be interpreted, but Minnie seemed to read her brain like an open book.

“He had work here and invited me to come along.” she answered.

“That’s not the only reason.” Miyeon could read Minnie’s brain as well.

When the younger stayed quiet for longer, Miyeon decided to take away some hair from her face and place it behind her ear.  
Minnie smiled lightly at her doing, and maybe it gave her the courage to say it.

“I... I think I could be pregnant.” she muttered quietly. 

Miyeon bit down on her lip. She wanted to kill that man Minnie was forced to marry.

“And I couldn’t take the test at home, cause I just know he would’ve found it and I would’ve been stuck forever.”

“I’ll help you.” Miyeon said and patted her hair. “And I’ll help you with the baby too. Aunt Miyeon.”

Minnie turned her head to look at the older who wore a sympathetic smile. She understood that Miyeon just wanted to be nice and helpful, and that she for sure would keep her promise, but Minnie wasn’t going to have a baby that would call Miyeon aunt.

“I’m not going to keep it.” Minnie muttered a reply.

“I’ll help you either way.” she said, smiling lightly. 

*  
*  
*

The air was cold and the sky dark in the little town when the buss arrived at its destination. It had taken a while to get there, since the road was through the forest and the forest was darker than the sky. But, finally, the girl could stretch her knees and breathe in the familiar air.

As she looked out on the town, it seemed like nothing had changed. There were the same small apartments around the buss station, and the same bigger houses the further towards her destination that she got.

She made sure to take the road at the back of the town, she was taking enough risks as it was.

The snow was falling. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but the girl couldn’t help but smile.

She must’ve forgotten just how small this town was while she was out on the big streets, but she soon found herself outside the family’s house. And it looked just as red, just as big, just as homey as it did last time she saw it. 

She hadn’t even really thought how the people inside the house would react when she suddenly showed up at their doorsteps. The girl could just hope for the best.

With a few knocks, she took a step back and waited for the door to open.  
Soon enough, it shot open to a girl with long black hair. She looked just like she did three years ago, but with a little less baby fat on her cheeks.

The girl didn’t seem to recognise the stranger at first, as she looked her up and down with a frown. The stranger concluded that it was her hair’s fault, so she brushed her long, grey hair to the sides, making her face fully visible. And it seemed to work, as the other’s face shot up in confusion.

“Soyeon?” she asked while studying the face.

“Hey Shu.” the shorter girl greeted.

The younger girl looked behind her, before taking a step outside and shutting the door behind her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, almost spit out.

Now, this wasn’t the reaction Soyeon expected. 

“I wanted to see you and Woogi.” the older explained and tried to ease the other up with a smile, but it didn’t work as she simply glared at her.

“I can’t let you in.” Shuhua said and crossed her arms on her chest.

“Why?” Soyeon turned her head to the side.

“I don’t want you to go near Yuqi.” she stated.

The most about her wasn’t changed, except her height, making her look down on Soyeon even more than before, and her fierceness. Soyeon figured she was the reason for one of those changes, and she couldn’t blame the girl.

“I won’t hurt her, if that’s what you’re worried about.” ah tried with the smile again, but it didn’t work.

“She was sick at a hospital and you left her.” Shuhua recalled. “You put her at the hospital.”

Soyeon was aware Shuhua said these words out of anger, rather than speaking the entire truth. But that didn’t change how the cut through Soyeon’s skin like a hundred of her mother’s blades at the same time.

“I’m sorry Shuhua, but I just want to say hi.” she tried, but the girl was stone-cold.

“I’m not gonna let you hurt her emotionally or physically.” Soyeon realised Shuhua’s strong accent being gone. “Just go home and don’t come back.”

The shorter girl but her inner cheek and nodded. She took a step back, and was ready to head back to the station, when she remembered something obvious.

“How’s SooSoo?” she managed to ask before the younger girl headed in.

“She’s good.” the younger answered.

“Will you keep me away from her too?” Soyeon knew that would be a ‘no’, because no one could deny Soyeon and Soojin’s connections, even if they only had words to believe. “Can you give me her address?”

Shuhua rolled her eyes, before nodding. She opened the door behind her, but probably regretted it immediately as a man passed by just in the second. Soyeon knew that was Yuqi’s dad. Yuqi and Shuhua’s dad.

“Soyeon, right?” he asked with a smile and pointed at her. “You took Yuqi out for a date a couple of years ago?”

Soyeon nodded with a smile. Maybe this was her chance.

”You were gone for some time, weren’t you?” he gently pulled away Shuhua from the doorway, allowing Soyeon to pass through. “Are you back now?”

His accent was by far fainter than it was before, but not mostly gone like Shuhua’s.

“For a short while.” Soyeon said and closed the door behind her.

Shuhua glared at her from the side.

“I’m sure Yuqi would love to see you.” he smiled his warm smile. “You know where her room is, right? Why don’t you head up there while Shuhua and I prepare a snack?”

The youngest’s glare now went between Soyeon and her dad, but the older man didn’t seem to notice as he helped Soyeon with her jacket.

Soyeon thanked him with a smile, before pulling off her shoes. She started walking up the stairs as the older to made their way to the kitchen, and she didn’t miss Shuhua’s scoff.

But now, all she could do was focus on the room behind the door she was standing by. She heard scrabbling, probably from a pen meeting a paper. 

Soyeon took a deep breath, felt all the thrills and chills creep up her back, and knocked.

“Why are you knocking?” she heard the sweet, deep voice from inside and couldn’t help but smile. “Just come in.”

Soyeon brought her hand to the door handle. She was sure she would pass out any second. The handle turned, and the door shot open.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you all have probably noticed that i play a lot with mental stability. there’s something going on in 5/6 characters’ heads, and it’s all because of other people.
> 
> So, question of the chapter:  
> Do you, this early on, have a clue what exactly is going on inside their heads (you could say a disorder or just something that is seen as mentally unstable) and why it’s there?  
> and who is the person with no mental instability?
> 
> (note that all of them are hinted, but some of them will have a bigger appearance further into my story/stories.)


	4. Carry you out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since it’s a shorter chapter, expect one tomorrow/the day after!
> 
> WARNINGS: slight sexual harassment.

*

“Remember that I love you.” Soyeon whispered before placing a careful kiss on Soojin’s forehead.

It was dark out, dark enough for the moon and stars to gleam on the black sky. And the air was chilly. Soyeon was sure it would start snowing any minute.

She moved quietly over the streets lit up by a single street lamp here and there. The houses were all asleep. Curtains were covering the windows, if the frost didn’t do the job for them.

Soyeon knew she had to hurry. The busses only arrived at her station once ever three hours at night, but she knew she had to make it to the hospital before.

And she did. She hurried out of the hospital, and missed her Woogi the second she stepped out the door, but she couldn’t turn around. She couldn’t stay here, no matter how much her heart was pulling her back. 

The chauffeur dressed in a cap looked at her with a frown when she entered the bus. He seemed a little strange, with piercing eyes and a falling mouth. A couple of chills went up Soyeon’s back when she realised she’d have to sit with him, alone on a bus for at least a few stops. But she sat down in the middle of the bus, close to one of the doors, and plugged her headphones into her ears before pulling her hood over her head.

Yuqi’s voice on her recording definitely did something. The girl had been bragging about her singing when she sang on their date, and it didn’t get any better when Soyeon asked her to help her out. Apparently, the girl had been singing since she was three, but she got her deep voice through a cold in middle school. Soyeon didn’t know whether to believe that or not, but she still liked the chinese just as much, no matter if she lied a lot or not.

*  
*  
*

The korean didn’t know how or when it happened, but somehow she managed to fall asleep with Yuqi’s singing in her ears. Well, that wasn’t supposed to happen. Suddenly she found herself watching the sunrise from the buss central in Busan, with her bag by her feet and the headphones in her ears.

There wasn’t any snow surrounding her, but it was still cold enough for her breath to be visible in front of her. 

She watched over the colourful houses looking over the sea, before eyeing to her side where she saw the tall buildings. She figured that was her destination, but she couldn’t go there just yet.

It took her longer than she’d thought, and she would blame her lack of technological knowledge, but that would punch her pride. But eventually, she managed to upload all her files to a website, and made sure that she could log in and out, without anyone else finding it. She pulled out the little brick from the side of her phone, and bit it in half, before spitting it out. Then, she threw her phone to the ground over and over until it wouldn’t turn on anymore.  
Now there really was no turning back.

Soyeon put the oblong board over her shoulder, and took a deep breath, before walking the road towards the high buildings.

The blonde girl did quite a big mistake. In the stress of sneaking out of her house without the monster or her helper noticing her, she completely forgot bringing money. And what she had, was a couple of bills she kept in the back pocket of her jeans. If she was smart, they might be enough for food for a few days, maybe a week, but surely not a motel, or any place to sleep.

She bought herself a piece of bread, that she munched on before she found this city’s centrum. It was for sure bigger than the one in her own town, and a lot dirtier. The flowers didn’t seem to be taken care off, but it was also winter so Soyeon couldn’t really blame anyone. But in the town she came from, the flowers were always drawn in so many colours, but they were never truly colourful. Soyeon preferred these dead flowers, because at least they weren’t fake.

The bench was cold when she sat down on it, but better that than the ground. No one was awake in the buildings and shops around her, so she decided to do the only thing she could do to pass the time. She opened her bag, and brought up one of her few belongings she’d taken with her, her keyboard. Now, Soyeon was aware that a keyboard maybe wasn’t the best choice to bring. She could’ve brought a couple of blankets or a pillow or something actually useful, but her keyword was the most precious thing to her. If a child could bring their teddybear everywhere, she could bring her keyboard.

The chords made a pretty melody, but it wasn’t her own. No matter how many times she redid it, it didn’t sound like Jeon Soyeon. But she continued, and never even stopped when people started passing her. 

Some time during the day, a person had lowered their body and placed a cent on the concrete in front of her. And one cent turned to several, which turned to a few bills. She bought dinner for some of them, and managed to get a bed at a motel for the rest of them. The receptionist said that she usually wouldn’t let anyone pass with that amount, but she’d walked past Soyeon earlier, and the music she’d heard was enough for the rest.

*  
*  
*

It only lasted that night, and the next morning, she was walking out on the streets again. 

The city was beautiful. It was like she was in Seoul, Piraeus and Miami at the same time. Soyeon had never visited any of those places, but she’d seen enough pictures on the internet to know.

As she walked by the sea, she saw a couple of people in worn out clothes picking up trash from the beach, and she decided to naturally join them. No one gave her much attention, except for the man who gave her a black plastic back with a smile on his face. He wasn’t much older than her, but his face showed years of experience.

When the sun was setting, they gathered up in a circle around a fire. One of the men had a guitar, and the man who’d given her the plastic bag surprised them all with marshmallows.  
Several in the group squealed happily when he brought out the bad, and they all started eating immediately.

Soyeon grabbed a few, but she enjoyed the heat the fire was giving her, as the guitar played loosely in the background, more. She swore she could see faces in those flames. Someone with cat-like eyes. A figured with a cute round nose. On with alluring eyes, and another one with kind ones. And a young, pale face. She smiled as she watched them, and only hopes they were all smiling as brightly right now, as they were in her fire.

She woke up between all people next morning, and started shivering as the sand had taken all her heat. The kind man with marshmallows from last night saw her, and helped her stand up.

That was the same man who let her sleep at his couch for the night. And the night after that, and the one after that.

It wasn’t an expensive couch at all, but anything was better than freezing to death every night.

The man was kind. Not only did he give her the warmth of blankets and pillows as she slept, he also gave her food for the every meal and let her use his shower as she wanted. 

And maybe it was faith, as one night when Soyeon played a melody for him, he brought up his job. He worked as an intern for a music producer, who he managed to convince to listen to the young stranger in his living room. 

She made up a song on the spot, added a few lyrics and a little rap, until he nodded with focused eyes. He asked her to bring him a finished song for next week, but no matter how hard Soyeon tried to write one that was her own, it didn’t sound like it.

Instead, she asked to use the kind man’s computer. She quickly found the website with multiple unfinished songs, and a few finished ones. After one look, she downloaded one to a chip, before thanking the kind man.

Yuteok was the kind man’s name. He was an orphan, like she had decided to label herself. His parents died in a fire, his brothers as well, but he survived. He survived because he’d run away from home that night, because he’d found his dad throwing fists at his mom. When he’d decided to return to his house, there was nothing but dust left. 

Soyeon, who’d decided to call herself something else, something cool... like Windy. Well, Windy’s parents died in a car crash when she was at a resort with her chinese friend. She was later adopted by her friend’s parents, but her mom left and her dad was sentenced to prison, so she lived alone with her sibling for a year, before she left town. Having her friends’ stories wrapped up in Windy’s meant a part of them still was with her.

A week passed, and she gave her song to the producer, who loved it and offered her a job immediately. 

*  
*  
*

A year or so passed, and a few of her songs were released. Most of them were given to other artists to put their name over hers, but the song she’d brought to the producer herself, the one song that sounded like herself, got released under the name ‘Windy’. 

She wanted to express her happiness to everyone she knew, but she quickly realised she didn’t know anyone. She’d been at countless of parties and gatherings through her studio, but she’d never gotten to know a single person, no matter how many artists she talked to.

Soyeon didn’t get a single birthday wish when she turned eighteen, or when she turned nineteen. Windy had never told anyone her birthday, so the girl didn’t expect anything either.

She couldn’t help but think about a certain face whenever she turned, because that face turned the same amount. All she wanted to do was wish her a happy birthday, but she couldn’t. 

When she was nineteen, she managed to find a cheap apartment in the city, so she left Yuteok and his kind smile behind. She never talked to him again outside of work, but Windy never got to know him anyways. She didn’t miss him, so she told herself.

She should’ve been a little more grateful for Yuteok’s kindness, so she realised at a meeting with her boss.

It was a normal day. Windy was going to work at her studio, to produce some songs that she knew she wouldn’t like herself, but the company would and that’s all that matters.

Her studio wasn’t the biggest, but it was enough for her to get by. She had a mini fridge for all the energy drinks she needed throughout the day, and she had a big box filled with snacks. Most days, she would sit from early in the morning to late at night, just writing and composing sounds that wasn’t hers.

Some days, she had a meeting or two. This day was one of those.

She entered the meeting room, to her boss already sitting by the table. He was looking through his files of whatever, until he noticed the - now gray-haired - girl coming in.

“Ah, Windy!” he said and stood up while gesturing with his hands to a chair beside his.

“Good morning.” she smiled back. 

“How was your weekend?” he sat down after her.

”It was good. Yours?”

“Pretty good, thank you.” he smiled widely. “So, the numbers are looking really good.”

He brought up his iPad to her face, and showed her some numbers on the screen. Soyeon didn’t care at all what the numbers were. It wasn’t her name on the songs, and it wasn’t really her songs. It was like she was watching the success of a random artist, and she couldn’t care less. But Windy smiled, and kept her eyes at the screen.

“Everyone loves songwriter Windy.” he smiled. “Maybe you would like to do some kind of live performance soon? With some of your songs?”

She suddenly felt a hand place on her thigh. Soyeon had always been uncomfortable with anyone’s touch, she believed it was the result of her mother. So when she flinched as his hand squeezed her, she simply thought it was because of someone’s touch.

“What do you say?” his hand raised higher, and she didn’t know why she suddenly felt those things she’d felt over two years back.

Her palms got sweaty and her breathing heavy. She felt like she could break apart any minute, but she only got very alarmed when two faces popped up in her head.

As she was deep in her thoughts, she barely had noticed the way her boss was licking his lower lip while eyeing down at her lap.

With the thought of the faces, she immediately backed away with the chair, causing it to fall down on the floor as she stood up. 

She could barely look at him as he clenched his jaw.

“You don’t want a live show?” he asked between his teeth.

The live show would mean nothing to her, of course she didn’t want it.

“You know, most girls would do whatever it takes to be successful.” he stood up as well.

Since he was so tall, or Soyeon was so short, he eyed her down like she was nothing but a rat running across the floor. She was sure he would press down his shoe on her any minute.

“Don’t you want to be successful?”

He only got closer and closer to her, so close that Soyeon could smell the coffee he had earlier. 

She was once again alarmed, and pressed both her hands against his chest before pushing him back. She then hurried away from the table, straight to the door.

“You don’t?” he raised and eyebrow. “I guess you can leave my company then.”

Soyeon didn’t expect those words. It seemed like everyone, including her boss, had liked Windy. So that he fired her, without her having done anything, shocked her. But she still, didn’t really care. It was never her career.

The korean just nodded, bowed the slightest bit, before grabbing her stuff from her studio and heading out. She didn’t care whatever track she left behind. It was someone else’s. 

What did concern her, was how she would manage to earn money to pay for the rent. All her money went to the company first, and since she hasn’t signed her own name on anything, it all belonged to them. She was good as broke.

Maybe she should’ve brought the snacks from her studio, as she had hardly nothing at home.

The home that consisted of a kitchen, unfurnished living room and bathroom that only had one of everything. She had placed a bed in the middle of the living room, and that was basically everything she’d ever used in her apartment. Of course, her keyboard was overused, but it had broke some time ago so it just stood in a corner.

A day passed, and she found some cheese in the fridge that she figured wasn’t too old to eat, so she put it in her mouth, and that would have to be enough for breakfast and lunch. 

Since she didn’t have anything to do, no job, nothing to play music on, not even a game, the only thing she could do was lie down on her bed and wait for the day to pass.

She decided everyday that she would head out tomorrow, but that tomorrow never came. Well, it came several times, but it wasn’t the right tomorrow. 

But as the days passed, the two faces popped into her head more and more frequently, until they seemed to always lurk at the back of her mind.

*  
*  
*

Soyeon didn’t even know how long had passed when she finally opened the door, with the pull of a certain singing voice she had imprinted in her brain. The air was cold and still, like it was when she first arrived the city. There still wasn’t any snow on the ground, three years later.

The flowers were dead in the centrum, like they’d been years before. She didn’t like them as much anymore. Maybe even dead flowers could be fake. Who would make plastic, dead flowers?

Her feet moved quickly, trying to get to the buss station in the quickest way possible. She ended up running, but managed to get there before the big vehicle drove away.

Going back to the town wasn’t exactly what she wanted to do, but she needed Soojin’s and Yuqi’s faces. She already knew the risks of going back, but they wouldn’t stop her. She needed them.

It was first when she got on the bus that she realised she had no money. She’d managed to earn a few coins through singing or rapping on the street for the past months, bit she didn’t even have a single penny left now, as she used her last for some celebratory plain bread last night.

“Hello, sir.” she smiled as genuinely as she could. “I think I forgot my wallet, but I really need to get on this bus so it would be so kind of you to-“

She wasn’t allowed to come with it. For what felt like hours she waited out in the cold for the next bus, that the arrived with a puff.

The door opened, and she entered. She’d prepared herself with multiple excuses, but the woman in the front didn’t even look at her before motioning to the device her money would go into, that apparently was broken. Well, that for sure made it all easier.

Soyeon thanked her before moving down the bus and seating herself by a window. She knew she’d have to sit here for hours, so she made herself comfortable and closed her eyes.

Hopefully, Windy was doing well with her career, but Soyeon wouldn’t know. She left her in that empty apartment.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> Who in the story has been your favourite character? (you can include WEFA as well)
> 
> i didn’t want to make her journey too dark, so here it is. I tried to get like a plain feeling, cause that’s how I imagine Soyeon feeling throughout all of it.
> 
> i ended up not liking the chapter too much, i promise you so much more in the next one! i’m sorry for not delivering a full potential, and for making you wait too many days for it too.


	5. Beyond the face of fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writer’s block is creeping up on me again, but i’m trying to fight it as best i can. bare with me.
> 
> WARNINGS: no specific warnings for this chapter.

*

“Why are you knocking?” she heard the sweet, deep voice from inside and couldn’t help but smile. “Just come in.”

Soyeon brought her hand to the door handle. She was sure she would pass out any second. The handle turned, and the door shot open.

It took her a few seconds, before she managed to peek her head through the opening. 

She saw Yuqi on her desk, scribbling stars into her notebook. The fingers holding the pen were skinny and bony, and the arm was even bonier. She had a t-shirt on her, but Soyeon could still see her ribs through it. And her collarbones were visible enough that Soyeon thought they would brake any minute. And her entire face was skinny. She had no fat on her cheeks, or anywhere else for that matter. Under her eyes rested big, blue circles, and her skin was so pale that her blue veins could be seen through it. Soyeon didn’t miss the way her short hair looked unfixed, like she just was waiting for it to grow out, which she probably was.

But she was still beautiful and cute like she was three years earlier.

The girl hadn’t even looked up at her yet, but Soyeon still found herself blushing and feeling small beside the tiny girl.

Then, Yuqi’s head turned to her with a confused look, that soon turned into something else. What it was exactly Soyeon couldn’t say. Her eyes were opened big as her mouth fell.  
Now Soyeon felt even smaller, but she couldn’t suppress her smile.

“Hi Woogi.” she said calmly.

Yuqi sat silently. Soyeon wondered if she was in some kind of shocked state, or if she just didn’t know what to do. But the older reached her hand forward, maybe to brush it over her cheek, or just any way to get closer.

That’s when Yuqi first reacted. She backed away from the hand, causing Soyeon to stop, before eyeing away from her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked quietly.

Yuqi’s attitude surprised Soyeon, to say the least. How her words stung as they were thrown out her mouth. But Soyeon understood her. She was the one who left after all.

“I missed you.” the older tried, keeping the smile on her face.

The chinese shifted in her seat as she bit down on her jaw. Her eyes then drifted up to Soyeon, and she slowly stood up. 

The older was smiling at her, maybe waiting for a hug. But Yuqi stopped herself before giving in to her. She walked past Soyeon, and sat down on her bed. Her energy wouldn’t allow her to stand for much longer.

The older turned around, but she wasn’t sure if she would overstep any boundaries if she sat down across from the girl. At last, her will won over her brain, and she sat down on the soft mattress. 

Yuqi, who had her back against her bed frame, was watching her every move. Soyeon didn’t know how to interpret her staring, but she still tried to reach out for her hand, to which the younger quickly snatched it away.

“You said you don’t want to see me again. Why are you here?” she asked with a glare.

“That’s not what I said.” the older corrected. “I said I hope I’ll never see you again.”

“Like if that makes it better.” Yuqi scoffed.

“It does.” Soyeon argued. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you.”

The younger scoffed again.

“I get that you’re mad at me for leaving you at the hospital, but I couldn’t stay.”

“Why?” she glared at Soyeon.

The older opened her mouth, before closing it right away. She bit her lower lip as she frowned.

“Soojin knows, doesn’t she?” 

The way Yuqi sounded almost jealous, both sent hopes up Soyeon’s back, but also worry. If she thought Soyeon liked her and Soojin in the same way, then she wouldn’t ever allow the korean to touch her hand.

“Woogi-“ she started, but was quickly cut off.

“You know what? Don’t answer that.” she said while moving her head from side to side. “We were kids, Soyeon.”

“So?” if Soyeon knew what the next couple of words were, she would never say that.

“Whatever we had, it wasn’t real.”

What hurt the most wasn’t the certainty Yuqi used in her words when she said them, but the way she managed to keep their eyes locked on each other, without as much as blinking.

“What?”

“I was fifteen. I had no clue what I was feeling.” she explained, and kept her gaze at the older, who decided not to believe a word Yuqi was saying.

“Miyeon and Minnie were fifteen when they met too, and they’re-“

“Miyeon’s engaged.” Yuqi was quick to cut her off. “To a man.”

That couldn’t be right. The older two really, truly loved each other in a way she couldn’t see in anyone else around her.

“And Minnie disappeared right after you did.”

Did she manage to run away? Wasn’t the entire plan made so Minnie and Miyeon could run away together?

“But they loved each other.” Soyeon didn’t know if she said it to herself or to Yuqi, or just uttered it in the midst of her distress.

“Maybe, but she still left.” the younger spoke in a monotone voice. “And it broke Miyeon.”

Soyeon’s eyes fell down to her hands.

“You could’ve broken me too, you know.” the chinese muttered, causing the other to look right back up again. “But you didn’t.”

The korean felt another one of those attacks, episodes, whatever they were, to hit her again. But she couldn’t dive into Yuqi’s hold like she’d done in the past. 

As Yuqi watched to other’s breathing get quicker and how her eyelids flickered, she was reminded about the times she’d watched the older loose control earlier. And it looked very much like this. Yuqi had almost forgotten every flaw Soyeon came with, and every strength.

“I think you should leave.” she said, even though she was sure those weren’t anywhere close to what Soyeon wanted to hear.

But the older still nodded, got up, and left the room without taking a single glance over her shoulder. Yuqi wondered if she should go after her, just to make sure she was okay, but she already knew the answer, and it wasn’t her responsibility in the first place. So she stayed put on her bed as she let out a deep sigh.

Soyeon bit her tongue as hard as she could as she walked down the stairs. Shuhua met her halfway, with a tray of different foods, but Soyeon didn’t even have to say anything before Shuhua nodded and let her pass.

The younger held out her hand, not for a handshake or handhold, but for the piece of paper in there.

“Floor five.” she said quietly before walking up the last steps of the stairs. 

She disappeared down the hall as Soyeon put her shoes on. The way her hands shook made it so much harder, but she managed to get them on before grabbing her jacket and hurrying out the door. 

When she was away from the house, she managed to let out a few real breaths, before continuing back to the bus station.

*  
*  
*

“My treat!” Minnie said as she sat down with two ice cream cones, and handed one to the older.

How Minnie could be so bubbly after last night’s happening, Miyeon didn’t know. 

”My money is your money, right?” she smiled.

“Minnie-“ she wanted to complain but the younger quickly cut her off.

”Yeah, I know.” she said, and started using a higher pitched voice in the follow sentences. “It’s not like it used to. I was gone for too long, you moved on and now you’re engaged.” 

Minnie took the first scoop of her blueberry ice cream, while Miyeon just watched her.

“But I’ll always lend you money no matter what. Not that I have a lot right now.” her eyes were kept at her cone, as she spoke absentmindedly. “Friends can lend each other money.”

Although Miyeon couldn’t understand fully what Minnie was feeling, she could sense she was acting far too positive for this situation. Then she watched as Minnie’s face got less absent, as it fell with a frown. She eyed her cone, her plastic spoon, before pushing it away from her. Miyeon furrowed her eyebrows, and decided to reach for the ice cream with her own spoon, and brought it into her mouth. Minnie’s eyes met hers when she tasted the sweetness, but there wasn’t anything that tasted bad about it.

“Didn’t you like it?” the older asked.

“No.” Minnie answered quickly. “You can have it.”

“Do you want mine then?” she offered her vanilla.

“No, thanks.” the younger girl swallowed hard.

But Minnie liked vanilla?

“Hey, can we go to the supermarket after?” the thai asked, pulling Miyeon’s mind away from the direction it was going to.

“Yeah, sure. What do you need?”

“A test.” Minnie muttered.

When Miyeon had finished her ice cream and half of Minnie’s, they got out of the cute, little cafe. Miyeon lead the way to the supermarket.

The passed the campus on the way there. Big buildings with several students running around, hurrying to their classes.

“Do you want to go back to school?” Miyeon asked as she’d noticed how Minnie stared at the campus.

“I think I have to lay low for a while.” she said. “I shouldn’t write myself anywhere. I don’t know if they’ll find me, or if I can stay at all.”

“Wait,” Miyeon grabbed her friend’s arm, making the thai stop, “you don’t know if you’re staying?”

Minnie was taken aback by the way Miyeon raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Uhm... I was planning to but-“ she said and stopped herself, Miyeon could probably figure out how she would’ve ended her sentence.

“We promised to be together forever, right?” the older said before she started to walk again.

“Well-“ Minnie followed her.

“You’re staying.” Miyeon glared at her.

Minnie smiled at her sudden certainty, but she still felt a bit annoyed. Was this girl planning to play with her heart for the rest of their lives?

“So what, you want me to live on your couch for the rest of our lives?” the younger chuckled.

Miyeon was never fast, but now her legs moved quicker than Minnie’s, so the younger had to take a few running-steps here and there.

“Once we move, you’ll get your own room.”

“I’m just gonna watch as you and Kwan have kids and live happily ever after?” Minnie looked to Miyeon, who showed an emotionless face.

Minnie smirked as she decided to be the one who stopped the other this time. She placed her hands on Miyeon’s sides, making her stop, as she placed herself closely in front of her.

“Why do you want me to stay so badly?” she asked, making sure her breath would hit the other’s face.

Miyeon stayed quiet. Her eyes were staring right into Minnie’s, and she caught herself licking her lip. The younger had a smirk on her face, and it was Miyeon’s signal to move away from her grip. 

She continued walking towards the store, and Minnie soon walked up to her, giggling.

“You’re weird, Miyeonie.” she said with a wide smile. “Don’t worry, you have me wrapped around your finger. I won’t be going anywhere.”

*  
*  
*

Shuhua plopped the snacks in her mouth as she laid beside Yuqi on the chinese’s bed. The older was eating some snacks here and there, but most of them had gone to the younger.

“I feel like I broke her heart.” the older said, staring up onto the roof.

“How could you have broken her heart?” the younger asked.

“She said she missed me an stuff.” Yuqi explained. “I mean, she was always the one that chased after me. She could still like me.”

Shuhua turned her head to her sister.

“The girl was gone for three years, Yuqi.” the younger said. “She probably kissed so many people during that time without thinking of you once.”

Yuqi glared back at her, before frowning.

“I mean... You don’t like her, right?” Shuhua asked, and Yuqi just knew she had another one of those thought-filled conversations in her head.

“I barely know her.”

“Exactly.” the taiwanese sounded more enthusiastic than she probably should. “Then you shouldn’t care if she kissed someone else.”

Somehow, Yuqi managed to get a shiver by hearing the sentence.

“I don’t.” she answered quickly.

“Then, why do you think she cares?”

Shuhua’s face was still turned towards her, but she had to look away from the eyes that were piercing into her.

“She nearly killed you, and then left you while you were at the hospital.” the younger stated. “That girl doesn’t even have a heart.”

Another chill went up Yuqi’s back, but she couldn’t say anything back.

Instead, she let the statement linger in the air as she stayed silent on her side. All she could think about was Soyeon’s eyes that looked so happy when she entered, but Yuqi quickly changed that to something blue.

“Soojin wants us to come this weekend.” Shuhua said. “You wanna get out of this town for the first time in forever?”

Shuhua had of course visited Soojin and Miyeon before, but Yuqi hadn’t been able to. She’d only seen them through a face-time call, or when they came home.

“Yes!” Yuqi said excitedly. “Finally!”

“We have to talk to mom and dad first but...” 

Shuhua brought up her phone, probably to text the older girl. Yuqi smiled to herself, before her mind went back to the grey-haired girl she hadn’t seen in so long. 

*  
*  
*

Soojin felt the sweat running down her back, as she covered her upper body with a hoodie. A pair of black leggings were hugging her sticky legs, and she knew she’d freeze on the way to her dorm. 

All she wanted to do, was take a shower, spend some time with Nia and talk to Shuhua on the phone. After the slipping incident, she had to make sure Shuhua was fine.

The least she wanted, was a guy she once knew tapping on her shoulder with a wide smile.

“Hello, again!” Hui smiled.

The girl would lie if she said she didn’t get the tiniest bit alarm, seeing it was the second time she walked into him. Or rather, him showing up in front of her. But they had classes at the same university, so maybe it wasn’t that weird.

“Hi.” she smiled back.

“Are you done for the day?” he started walking the direction she was walking towards before.

“Yeah.” she answered him. “You?”

“Yup, all done.” he smiled.

His charming smile, that Soojin always thought was ugly and gross before, somehow looked a little warmer now. Especially when he let his eyes sparkle while he looked at her.

“Do you wanna grab a drink?” the guy asked, and motioned for the street towards the bar.

Maybe it was good to ease her nerves that she’d felt during the day, although she didn’t know why they were present. But they had been since the call with Shuhua.  
Having a drink with him would be okay. How else would she spend her night? Laying in her bed, missing her friend and sister? No, thanks.

“Sure.” she smiled back at him, for the first time wide enough to show her teeth.

“Great!”

They made their way to the bar, and they were already there when Soojin realised the clothes she was wearing and how her hair was up in a messy ponytail. But she was already there, might as well head in.

Hui walked them to a round table just by the disk, and the two of them ordered a drink each. 

“How’s your course?” he asked, sipping his beer.

“It’s fun.” Soojin smiled. “We have mostly physical classes, which is what I enjoy. We have some other classes as well, like history in dance, but... it’s fun.”

That must’ve been the longest sentence she’d ever said to him.

“I’m glad.” Hui answered. “I’m happy you continued dancing later on, even though you quit the team.”

Now, Soojin’s mood switched a bit as he brought up their troublesome past, but for the first time, he noticed.

“Which is totally understandable!” he brought up his hands. “I mean, I was really a dick to you. I’m sorry for the word choice, but it’s true.”

Soojin wanted to say something, but she couldn’t. It was true.

“And I was even worse to your friends. God, I was awful.” he lowered his head, before quickly raising it again. “I’m really sorry for everything, I truly am. I honestly wish you’d never met me back then. I was so childish and I just wanted you all to myself. I had absolutely no clue of what a relationship actually was, and I’m so sorry you and your friends had to suffer so much because of it.”

His apology seemed sincere. His eyes were deep as he talked, and Soojin almost found herself falling into them.

“I wasn’t any better.” she answered.

“Yes, you were.” he protested. “You were so much better. You deserved someone else, someone as good as you.”

Soojin smiled at his words. Mostly because of the way he’d changed over the years. She was happy he’d grown as a person. Maybe she should follow his example.

“I’m so sorry for everything I did.” he apologised again, his voice breaking in the middle of the sentence.

The girl could only smile knowingly, before she placed her hand over his that laid on the table. His hands weren’t sweaty nor cold like they’d been years before. They were just warm and soft. And they somehow fit with hers in a way she hadn’t noticed before.

“We were kids.” she said. “Like you said, we didn’t know what a relationship was.”

He smiled back at her, before grabbing her hand back and squeezing it. Their eyes were glued to each other for the rest of the night, their hand as well. Even as he followed her home, to drop her off outside her dorm and watch as she closed the door.

Soojin smiled when she fell down in her bed. Nia was already asleep, so she had to be quiet, but she still rolled around with a slight blush on her cheek. Was this how it’s supposed to be?

*  
*  
*

“What do I do, what do I do?” Minnie asked rapidly.

“Just wait. Be patient.” Miyeon answered her.

Minnie groaned.

“How long does it take?”

“It’s been a few seconds, Min. Just, come sit with me and try to keep your mind off it.” Miyeon patted on the couch beside her.

Minnie slowly sat down, and felt Miyeon’s arm rub against her own, but she couldn’t even focus on it as all her consciousness was left in the bathroom.

“Hey, look at me.” the older girl said and placed a hand on her cheek to turn her head. “You’re literally shaking. You have to calm down.”

“How am I supposed to calm down?” she raised her voice and stood up to emphasise her distress, only to feel Miyeon pull her right down on the couch again.

This time, the older’s arm went around her shoulder instead. 

“Just breathe with me, okay?” she said and started taking deep breaths, as Minnie followed her.

In all honesty, she had absolutely no idea what she was doing. Inside, she was bubbling up just as much as the other girl, but one of them had to stay calm. 

But the breathing exercises seemed to work, as the other stopped shaking after some time.

“Good.” Miyeon smiled. “It’s gonna be fine, okay? We’re gonna solve it, no matter what the stick says.”

Minnie nodded as her eyes were stuck at Miyeon.

The older grabbed each side of the younger’s face, and leaned in to her lips. Minnie didn’t know how to respond at first, but her body reacted naturally and placed her hands around her waist.

Their lips fit together perfectly, just like they’d always done. It didn’t seem like they’d been away from each other for years as they both smiled against each other. 

Miyeon knew she would regret what she was doing the second she pulled away, but her body seemed to work on its own, as it only pulled Minnie even closer, while the younger asked to deepen the kiss, which Miyeon allowed her to do immediately.

Even their tongues matched each other. Oh, how Miyeon had missed Minnie’s soft lips. How they made her own lips plump and red, and how they swelled up on her face afterwards. 

Minnie didn’t know the reason for the sudden closeness, but she honestly couldn’t care less. The one person she loved the most, the one person her entire heart belonged to, was kissing her for the first time in three years. And they felt entirely, utterly amazing.

They only pulled away from each other when the alarm rang, and as if nothing had happened, Minnie shot up from the couch, grabbing Miyeon’s hand in the process.

“I can’t look at it, you look at it.” she said and opened the bathroom door, to which the other, in a state that wasn’t completely grounded yet, entered the room.

Miyeon only fully got back to her senses when she saw the test in front of her eyes.

“What does it say? Tell me quickly.” Minnie stressed, but when Miyeon opened her mouth, she continued. “No, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”

Miyeon eyed her with a glare.

“Ah, just tell me.” the younger said before placing her hands against each other and closing her eyes. “Please be good, please be good.”

The older girl didn’t even wait another moment, she didn’t want to put more salt than she already had to.

“It’s positive.” she said quietly.

“Fuck.” Minnie muttered, and continued to do so over and over as she laid down on the couch.

“We’ll solve this, Min.” Miyeon said, and lifted up Minnie’s legs to sit down on the couch, before placing them over her lap.

The younger only whined and groaned the rest of the night.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> What do you think about the new Hui?
> 
> here’s my twitter: @elisaandpeggy (it’s a musical reference)  
> follow me if you wanna be friends🥺


	6. May you kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a really hard chapter to write. i’m sorry for the delay. i’m still fighting against you know what 😒  
> also, i actually fixed my profile after several months. i’m proud.
> 
> WARNINGS: no particular warnings for this chapter.

*

Miyeon woke up with his soft hair against her neck. He was warm and she just wanted to stay put a little longer, but she had to get up in order to finish the painting she couldn’t work on yesterday. It had to be in before lunch, and she had a class at eleven. 

The clock on her phone informed her that she had about two hours to finish it before she had to leave, so staying in the warm sheets was no choice.

She squeezed herself out of Kwan’s hold, and gently rubbed her hand against his forehead before crouching down to leave a quick kiss on his forehead. Miyeon noticed he was awake, as he smiled when she stood up. 

The girl walked out to the second room of the apartment, where Minnie was sleeping on the couch. While making a coffee for herself and her fiancé, she made a tea for the thai.

The oldest girl sneaked to her side and placed the cup on the table in front of her, before lightly shaking her body.

“Wake up, Min.” she whispered close to her face.

The younger girl was the exact opposite of Miyeon. If Miyeon could sleep through an earthquake, than Minnie could wake up by a pin getting dropped onto the floor. She was so easy to wake up, that in the past, Miyeon was scared she’d wake up the girl if she moved too much. Now that wasn’t a worry anymore.

But Minnie’s old habits were still there. She opened her eyes not even a second after the older had called her name, and looked Miyeon right into her eyes with a smile.

The thai was taken back to the old days, when she woke up next to Miyeon every morning and kissed her face until the girl was fully awake. So she pouted her lips, and waited for Miyeon to bend down and meet them with her own.

Miyeon watched it happen. How the red, dry lips squeezed together, closer to her face. How the younger barely could keep the pout as the corners of her lips tried to form a smile. 

The older knew she could do nothing about it. The kiss yesterday was a big mistake, she realised that when she felt her fiancé hold her body the entire night. Miyeon knew she had to tell him, and she would, when the time was right. But she figured there was no rush, because the kiss didn’t change anything between them. Not between Miyeon and Kwan, and not between Miyeon and Minnie.

“Don’t do that.” the older whispered, and stood up straight.

The corners of Minnie’s lips that earlier wanted to smile, had now started tilting down as she frowned her forehead.

Miyeon had kissed her yesterday, so why not today? Sure, the kiss had been a heat in the moment thing. Minnie was vulnerable, and Miyeon wanted to make her feel better. But there was no way a kiss like that couldn’t include any feelings at all. 

Kwan got out of the bedroom, his hair perfect as always. Miyeon, who’d moved away from the couch, handed him his coffee, before he placed a tired kiss on her lips.

Minnie wanted to throw up. She couldn’t even manage to look at them as they snickered with each other. Instead, she grabbed her tea as she dove deep into her thoughts.

How could Miyeon have kissed her when she knew that Minnie still had just as much feelings for her as before? Was it because Miyeon wanted her to suffer? Did Miyeon want her to have to live those feelings forever, without getting a single chance to move on? Did Miyeon want both Minnie and Kwan, and used the kiss to make sure Minnie would stay? If that was her plan, then there was no way Minnie was staying.

“Do you want bread or rice?” Miyeon looked at the younger.

She’d moved to the counter while Kwan was nowhere to be seen.

Miyeon noticed how the younger’s eyes were glowing in a different colour, a new colour. She was taken aback, and couldn’t help but frown.

“I don’t want anything.” Minnie said between her teeth, without looking into Miyeon’s eyes.

“You have to eat something.” the korean said with a confused gaze.

She tried to ask what was wrong, without actually asking what was wrong. They used to be able to do that before, but it didn’t seem like they were talking the same language in their minds anymore.

“I don’t want anything.” Minnie repeated before standing up from the couch, and hurrying towards the bathroom.

She realised halfway there that it already was occupied, but luckily for her, Kwan opened the door right as she got there. 

“Oh, good morning!” he said with a smile.

Minnie thought he smelled like cologne, like the one she’d been smelling for years. She hated it.

With a glare, she pressed past him and closed the door loudly.

Kwan’s eyebrows raised, and continued to do so as he met eyes with his fiancée. 

“Do I have something to worry about?” he asked and walked closer to Miyeon.

“With Minnie?” the girl asked as he stood behind her and placed his arms around her waist. “She just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Well, couch.”

Kwan left gentle kisses on her neck as he brushed his hands over her belly, while Miyeon continued chopping up the vegetables.

“With you then?” he asked between kisses.

“Why would you have to worry about me?” she turned her head to kiss his forehead.

“Well,” Kwan lifted his head from her neck, and smiled widely while looking into her eyes, “I found a little something in the trash.”

Miyeon didn’t even need a second to know what he meant. She’d told herself to take out the trash before he got home last night, but between Minnie’s whines, crying and complaints she must’ve forgotten.

Her first instinct was to tell him that it wasn’t hers, but his smile was so big and bright, and he looked happier than he ever had before, so she just couldn’t.

Instead, to hide her panicked face, she leaned into his lips and kept them at her own. He didn’t taste the same as Minnie. He didn’t feel the same as Minnie. But Miyeon couldn’t decide who was sweeter.

After a minute, she heard the bathroom door open. Miyeon quickly pulled away like nothing had happened, but Kwan kept his arms around her and his head against hers. 

Miyeon looked at Minnie as she walked past the two, and she could see the glare drawn on her face, even when the thai kept her head down.

There was definitely something bothering her. Well, Miyeon could think of a million stuff that bothered her, but something shifted since she woke up this morning. Why, Miyeon couldn’t figure out.

*  
*  
*

The campus was much larger than Soyeon had imagined. Several buildings were circling around one with big, glass windows. Each building had a different sign over the door. There was one with those two theatre heads, one with a book, another with a guitar. If Soyeon went here, the last one would probably be hers. Since there was no sign with a dancer on it, she decided to wait outside the one with the heads.  
On Shuhua’s note, although her handwriting was messy and it was clear that Korean wasn’t her first language, it said that building number three was Soojin and Miyeon’s. And Soyeon was sure Miyeon hadn’t chosen to major in dance.  
Plus, the building she was standing at was building number three, if you came from the same street Soyeon did.  
With all these factors added up, Soyeon concluded that it was most likely the right building.

Shuhua also wrote that Soojin’s class ended at twelve, which was in less than three minutes. 

As she waited outside, Soyeon couldn’t keep the wide smile off her face. It had been three years since she saw her best friend. The first time they’d been away from each other for longer than a week. And three years was so much longer than seven days.

It had hit her on the bus there just how much she’d missed the dancer. How she smiled, what she smelled like, the way her eyebrow raised when she knew Soyeon was being unreasonable. She missed everything about her. Mostly, she missed having her by her side. 

Being alone in a big city was nothing near fun. Sure, she had those people she worked with, but she barely remembered them now. They didn’t make her feel any less lonely.

To go from constantly relying on the people closest to her, to not having anyone to rely on at all, was not something Soyeon would do ever again.

But still, she did what was best for her friends, so she couldn’t take anything back. It didn’t matter how many episodes she’d gotten over the years, not when she knew her friends were safe.

Students started walking out the building, all with bags over their shoulders and with sweaty faces. She received some smiles from a few of them, which she answered with one of her own. 

Soyeon’s eyes searched through the people, before she saw a black-haired dancer with chubby cheeks and a beauty mark under one of her eyes.

She didn’t see Soyeon, as her head was tilted towards the ground, with her phone in her hand, quickly tapping her fingers on her screen.

The shorter girl smiled immediately as she looked at Soojin’s frown. Then, she moved her feet forward, she just couldn’t wait anymore. 

Soyeon squeezed herself between everyone, until she was right behind her old friend. She didn’t even bother to stop her, before throwing her arms around the older’s waist.

She felt how Soojin tensed at first, but then quickly turned around and put her own arms around Soyeon. 

They didn’t even have to open their mouths to know what they were telling one another. 

Soyeon could feel the warmth Soojin was giving her in the hug, and Soojin felt Soyeon’s tense body get calmer and calmer. How her breathing turned smaller while she pressed her face even harder against Soojin’s chest as the older squeezed her closer. 

All students were gone when they finally pulled away. Soojin’s eyes gleamed as she smiled widely, meeting Soyeon’s lips in the exact same position.

The older pulled her in once again in a tight embrace. In the middle of the hug, Soyeon felt a slap on her back, followed by vibrations from the older girl’s neck.

“I told you not to leave.” she scolded.

Soyeon pulled her head up, but kept her arms around Soojin. They looked into each other’s deep eyes with nothing but love in them. When the older brought up her thumb to Soyeon’s cheek, the younger immediately snuggled against it.

“Don’t do it again.” Soojin said before squeezing her cheek.

*  
*  
*

Minnie looked over the paintings resting against the wall. There were several sceneries of forests, beaches and cities. One of them looked like the town they were from. What made it catch Minnie’s eyes, were that it was the only painting in black and white, instead of colourful. 

She wondered if she was the reason for some of the lack of colour. She probably was. Or maybe she was just thinking too much of herself. 

Well, she couldn’t stare at Miyeon’s paintings all day long.

She walked towards the door, and placed her feet down in her high heels. They weren’t the best run-away-shoes, but she didn’t have another other pair. She didn’t want to steal the soon-happily-married couple’s shoes. Neither did she want to steal their clothes, so her uncovered legs made her shiver as she opened the door to the apartment building.

The dress she’d been wearing at the party felt tighter than it did before. She hated it.

Minnie were just about to pull the hood over her head as she realised there could be people out looking for her, but she didn’t get to it before she heard her name being called behind her.

It was Miyeon’s voice, Minnie would be able to recognise it anywhere.

She didn’t turn around, because if she did, she wouldn’t be able to keep going. Instead, her feet moved quickly down the pavement as she put the hood over her head.

Her name was called several times more, but Minnie ignored all of them. It was for the better. Miyeon was happy, and Minnie didn’t want to ruin that.  
Plus, no matter how much she loved Miyeon, she wasn’t going to disrespect herself any further by staying only to watch the love of her life love someone else.

She wasn’t sure where she was going, she just needed to get anywhere that wasn’t here. She had a few dollars in her handbag, maybe it was enough for a buss ticket to her old hometown. 

Minnie thought Miyeon was long gone behind her, and had to swallow the lump climbing up her throat. Then, a hard grip took hold of her wrist.

The hand was smaller than her own, and it was shaking.

“Minnie.” Miyeon said as she panted.

The younger girl was stronger, but Miyeon still managed to make her stop. 

The korean pulled her arms around Minnie’s front, to trap her better. Her head fell against Minnie’s back as her breathing made her chest move up and down quickly.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

Minnie could hear how shaky her voice was. Maybe it was the result of running, or maybe she was crying.

“You promised you would stay.” Miyeon opened her mouth after she sniffled.

She was definitely crying.

Minnie’s head fell, as she once again had made Miyeon start crying. She could just wonder how many tears she’d shed because of her over the years.  
Her heart felt like it fell as well, as Miyeon’s grip on her tightened.

The tears fell wildly down Miyeon’s cheeks. She didn’t think she would cry, but here she was. The jacket she was holding didn’t smell like Minnie, but she couldn’t let go of it anyhow.

When Minnie started moving, Miyeon held her even tighter. She didn’t know what the girl was planning to do, but there was no way she would loosen her grip. 

Minnie just wanted to turn around to face the other, and she managed to do that, even though her ribs hurt badly from the way Miyeon was holding her.

Their foreheads met when Minnie had turned. The older was crying hard. Her eyes were squeezed tightly together as she bit her lower lip so that the skin around it turned white.

The thai couldn’t bare to see Miyeon like this, and it was all because of her as well. 

She threw her dignity down the toilet and brought her hands to the other’s cheeks and caressed her skin. Their heavy breaths met each other.

Even when crying, Miyeon was the most beautiful woman Minnie had ever seen.

The korean’s eyes opened. The tears were still spilling out of them, making Minnie caress her skin even more, until Miyeon brushed their noses against each other, and there were no space for Minnie’s hands.

Instead, the younger’s hands placed on each side of Miyeon’s jaw.

“Stay. Please.” the older whispered, before she took away the distance between them.

Miyeon’s lips were wet and salty as she pressed against Minnie. She wouldn’t let the younger even catch her breath as she desperately kissed her, until they had to pull away to not die.

Both of their breaths were heavy now, and Minnie’s hold on Miyeon were just as hard as Miyeon’s was on Minnie. 

“Let’s go home.” the older said, her breath hitting Minnie’s lips.

The younger nodded, before Miyeon grabbed her hand and pulled to the building.

*  
*  
*

“You’re from Taiwan?” she asked with a wide smile as their feet moved along the street.

“I am.” Shuhua nodded.

Their hands were bumping into each other time and time again, but neither of them were brave enough to intertwine them.

“I didn’t think there’d be any foreigners in this town.” Munhee said as she gestured with her hand to all the houses around them.

“No?” Shuhua questioned.

She had this wide smile on her face, so wide that she knew her cheeks would hurt afterwards. And she could feel her own eyes glimmering along with the white snow on the ground.

“No, it’s just that everything seems so artificial here.” the other girl said. “I find it hard to believe they accept people who isn’t from here.”

Shuhua nodded.

“They don’t.” she said. ”A lot of people move here for some stupid reason, but all of them are from Korea. The only foreigners I know are me and my family.”

It took the taiwanese to remember the foreigner she’d been friends with a couple of years ago.

“There used to be a thai family here too.” she said. “I think one of the brothers still lives in a mansion further up the road.”

“Really?”

“I don’t think he’s home that often though.” Shuhua sniffled back the snort that wanted to escape, one of the disadvantages of being out in the snow for too long. “I don’t think I’ve seen the lights being on for at least two years.”

Munhee’s eyes looked up the road, as if she was looking for the house. Shuhua noticed.

“We can go there, if you want to.” she said. “It’s a really pretty house.”

“Okay.” she nodded with a smile. “Do you know him?”

“Who?”

“The thai.”

“Oh.” 

Shuhua remembered meeting him only a few times. Once, maybe twice, but not more. She couldn’t remember who of the two had stayed, and who was who in the first place. Miyeon’s ex had said they were annoying, if Shuhua remembered correctly. The brothers were probably just like any other twin brothers.

“Not really.” Shuhua answered. “My friend used to date his younger sister, so I knew her better.”

They passed by the modern house where Soyeon had lived in before, but Shuhua had no plans to bring that girl up. The taiwanese noticed a woman by one of the windows, but she knew better than to stare at her.

“Was she your friend?” Munhee asked as she stared at the road in front of them.

“I...” Shuhua had to think for a second, before she could answer. “I guess so.”

She remembered a few instances with the thai where they’d been vulnerable in front of each other. A few times where they’d been laughing together. A few times when she cared about the older.

“For a few months, at least.”

The first day back in school after that winter break hit Shuhua. She could see Miyeon’s big, red eyes as the dancer pulled her towards the building. Because of a number of different happenings, they hadn’t met any more on the entire break except that day at the hospital. 

Shuhua had missed seeing the shy dancer. She couldn’t help glueing her eyes on Soojin, and didn’t stop until Yuqi pulled her arm. 

Miyeon cried several times that day, Shuhua didn’t even know how many. The group seemed down overall. Shuhua felt like everyone of them had lost someone, even herself, although Soojin sat in front of her. 

She remembered the girl beside her when their hands brushed against each other again.

“Uhm.” she cleared her throat. “She left four months after I started high school, so I never really got to know her.”

They got to the house, and all the lights in side were off. The lawn was in the same green colour as it always had been. The walls were just as white, and the big windows were as clean as always. It was just as beautiful as it always had been, but Shuhua thought it was boring.

“Is this the house?” Shuhua nodded. “I pass this street so often. I’ve never really looked at it before.”

The taiwanese watched as Munhee’s eyes moved over the lawn, to the house, and back.

“It looks a little boring.” Munhee read Shuhua’s thoughts. “But I guess it fits perfectly with the town.”

“Yeah.” Shuhua agreed.

They only stood there for a few seconds, before they turned around and walked down the same street they came from.

“When did you move here?” Shuhua shifted the conversation to Munhee instead.

“About a year ago.” she answered.

Their hands met again.

“How come I haven’t seen you before?” Shuhua asked.

The other girl’s cheeks turned a bit red before she answered.

“I don’t know, how come?” she smirked faintly.

Shuhua’s cheeks reddened as well.

“Do you-“ her voice cracked, causing her to clear her throat. “Do you got to school here?”

“No, I graduated two years ago.” she smiled shyly.

“So, you’re Miyeon’s age then.” Shuhua noted.

“Miyeon?”

“My friend.” Shuhua smiled. “She’s studying in Seoul.”

Munhee almost slipped as they walked down, so Shuhua grabbed her arm to keep her up. The older girl blushed madly when the other steadied her, and the other did as well when their eyes met.

They smiled shyly at each other, before Shuhua let go of her when she knew the other had control.

“So, uhm, your friend?” Munhee reminded and shifted her gaze to the ground.

“Yes!” Shuhua said, maybe a little too loudly. “Miyeon. She’s the one who dated the thai girl.”

Munhee snickered in her scarf, making Shuhua look at her with a questioning look.

“What?” the younger asked.

“It’s nothing.” she giggled a little more. “I was just wondering... are all your friends gay?”

Shuhua didn’t quite know why, but her cheeks heated up once again.

“You told me about Yuqi, and now Miyeon too.” Munhee reasoned. “How about the last girl, the one on the phone. Isn’t she gay too?”

The younger girls giggled before answering.

“We gotta stay together, right?” she asked teasingly.

Munhee smiled at her before looking away out of embarrassment. Shuhua smiled wider as the other blushed.

“Just a heads up,” the younger said, “none of them are actually gay. Miyeon is bi, Yuqi likes to call herself ‘open’... whatever that means. And Soojin... I think she’s a bit confused but she would get mad if I told her that.”

“Got it.” Munhee answered with her head lowered. “You’ve got one gay friend then.”

Shuhua needed a second to figure out who the girl was referring to. She felt stupid when it was obvious that it was herself.

“That’s good.” Shuhua smiled. “I could use more friends.”

Munhee raised her eyebrow, and Shuhua got the message.

“I’m a foreigner and I’m gay, those are not the best labels in this town.” she said with a little laugh afterwards. “I also managed to make everyone in my school scared of me.”

“Really?” Munhee looked at her in disbelief. “How?”

“Let’s just say, I used to glare at everyone until they couldn’t keep their eyes on me anymore.” she felt like it was too early to bring up old crushes.

Munhee chuckled before nodding.

“Okay, remind me not to get on your bad side then.” she said before stopping Shuhua and looking into her eyes. “Are you free tomorrow?”

The younger felt bad about rejecting her, but she really wasn’t free tomorrow.

“I’m not.” she said and lowered the corners of her lips. “Me and Yuqi are going to Seoul to visit our friends.”

“Oh, okay.” she nodded and lowered her head.

“I can hang out when I get back though.” Shuhua smiled faintly.

The older nodded as she looked back into her eyes.

“I’d like that.” she smiled shyly.

Shuhua nodded as well.

They shared a silent moment where their eyes met over and over again, but both looked away before they could look at each other for too long.

Shuhua thought she was more of a confident person then she’d been now, but apparently, she wasn’t. 

“Well, I‘ll see you.” she spoke up after a few minutes.

“Yeah.” the other said.

The taiwanese didn’t know if she would go for a hug or not, so she lifted her own arms up. The other girl did the same with hers, causing their arms to bump right into each other.

“Oh- I-“

Shuhua shyly tried once again, but this time lowered her arms while the other kept them up. The hug was loose and uptight at first, until Shuhua decided to squeeze her a little harder, causing Munhee to do the same, and place her head on Shuhua’s shoulder. 

The taiwanese smiled to herself in the hug, until they both pulled away.

They stared at each other for a couple of minutes more, before Munhee waved as she backed away.

“B-bye.” Shuhua said shyly.

“Bye bye.” Munhee smiled and turned around.

Shuhua watched her walk away, before she turned around herself with a wide grin on her face.

*  
*  
*

The taiwanese had just gotten home when she saw the panicked mother running around the house.

“Where is her medicine?” she muttered in her first language as she ran past Shuhua.

The youngest daughter chuckled before heading up the stairs.

In the room, Yuqi was seated on her bed with a heavy breath. Probably tired from packing the pink bag beside her.

“Mom’s freaking out, isn’t she?” the chinese asked between her breaths.

“Yup.” Shuhua answered and grabbed the bag. “She can’t find your medicine.”

“It’s already packed.” Yuqi said, but she didn’t have to as Shuhua opened the bag the same time to check what she’d packed, and the medicine was indeed there.

“Are you ready girls?” the calm father knocked on the door with his honey eyes.

Yuqi nodded, before taking a deep breath and standing up from her bed. Shuhua was quick to offer her hand, but Yuqi denied her with a glare.

“Are you happy to visit your friends?” their dad asked in Korean with a much fainter accent than he had months ago.

Yuqi nodded as she grabbed the walls to get down the stairs in one piece. 

They sat down in the car as their dad drive them to the station. They would’ve walked if that wouldn’t have killed Yuqi’s lungs. And maybe one of them would’ve gotten their drivers license, if both of them hadn’t been busy with Yuqi’s recovery. 

“Where are we sleeping?” the girl in the front seat asked.

“I usually sleep in Soojin’s dorm, but I guess we’ll have to sleep in Miyeon’s apartment since it’s the two of us.” Shuhua answered.

“You can still sleep with Soojin if you want to.” Yuqi said. “I can sleep alone on Miyeon’s couch. She’s there if anything happens.”

“No, it’s fine.” Shuhua was quick to say. “Maybe we can convince Soojin to stay there as well.”

Their dad drummed with his fingers on the steering wheel, and both of his daughters knew exactly what he was about to ask.

“Shuhua,” he started, “you and Soojin... there isn’t anything new or...”

He obviously wanted Shuhua to end the sentence for him.

“We’re just friends.” the taiwanese replied.

“Okay, just wondering.”

The rest of the drive was quiet, as Shuhua used her phone to text, and Yuqi fell asleep in the backseat. 

It wasn’t a long drive, so the chinese daughter only got a few minutes of heavy sleep. 

“Be careful now, okay?” their dad said through the window.

“Don’t worry.” Yuqi reassured with a smile. “And tell mom to stop working.”

“You’re thinking to highly of me, son.” he chuckled before waving and driving away.

The bus was arriving in a few minutes, so all they could do ess stand by the lampost until their ride got here.

“You know Soyeon probably is there, right?” Shuhua spoke after a minute.

Yuqi sighed and Shuhua could see the distress growing on her face.

“I didn’t even think about that.” she said.

“It’s okay.” Shuhua reassured and placed a hand on her shoulder. “’ll kill her if she touches you.”

“She’s not gonna touch me.” Yuqi shook her head from side to side.

“You don’t know that.” the taiwanese said as she shrugged.

*  
*  
*

“You’re telling me, you got an apartment at the age of nineteen in Busan? The same hella expensive Busan I’m thinking about?” Soojin asked, holding a tight grip around Soyeon’s arm as they made their way to the dorm.

“I was lucky, I guess.” Soyeon shrugged.

They both were holding big, white bags in their hands, and Soyeon had her keyboard bag, which she’d stuffed with her belongings, over her shoulder.

Soojin opened the door in a quick motion, and was the first to enter before she closed the door behind Soyeon.

Nia, who had headphones on her head and a sketchbook in front of her, sat up on her bed. She pulled of her headphones before giving Soyeon a wide smile.

“This is Soyeon.” Soojin said behind the shorter.

Soyeon’s shy habit hadn’t changed over the years. Back in high school, Minnie and Miyeon were the ones to socialise in the group, and when Yuqi and Shuhua joined, the Chinese lead most of the interactions outside the group. Soyeon remembered the parties where Yuqi pulled Soyeon along, just having her by her side without demanding anything from her. Maybe it was only one party, but it still happened once. Soyeon was sure if they’d have time to go to more parties together, the same thing would probably happen over and over again.

Well, since her shyness still lingered in her body, she blushed while saying a weak greeting. It didn’t help that the other was really pretty as well.

“Soyeon, this is my roommate Nia.” the normally shyest girl said as she placed down the bags by their mini-fridge.

“Are you the one who ran away?” the roommate asked, still keeping her smile.

“I-“ Soyeon was caught off guard by the pretty girl suddenly trying to talk to her. “Ye-Yes.”

“Ah.” Nia mouthed and nodded.

It took Soyeon another few seconds before she understood what the girl had asked.

“Wait, that’s what you describe me as?” the short girl asked and turned to Soojin who was propping their fridge with everything they bought, before placing the last items on their shelves, that probably were supposed to hold books.

“I mean, it’s true.” Soojin said with a teasing smile.

The dancer sat down on her bed and motioned for Soyeon to follow her. The younger sat down beside her, and immediately rested her head on Soojin’s shoulder.

Soojin didn’t miss Nia raising her eyebrow in Soojin’s direction, but the dancer chose to ignore it.

“She’ll be staying here for a while.” she said instead. “But she doesn’t make much noise and she’ll sleep in my bed and all.”

“You’ll barely notice I’m here.” the youngest in the room added.

“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t mind.” Nia answered and laid back down. “We could use a little more energy in here. Your Soojin isn’t really the most energetic person I know.”

“Because I dance for hours every day!” Soojin defended.

“Yeah, yeah.” Nia chuckled.

“We all know that’s just an excuse, SooSoo.” the youngest added with her own chuckle.

Soyeon didn’t even have to look at Soojin’s face to know the older was rolling her eyes.  
She’d missed Soojin’s endless eye rolling.

“Someone asked me about your cousin the other day.” Nia said, causing Soojin’s head to perk up, and Soyeon’s to do the same.

“Who?” the dancer asked.

“I don’t know, I haven’t seen her before. It was a woman. Blonde.” Nia explained mindlessly as she looked through her phone. “She had an accent as well.”

Soojin squeezed her eyebrows together as she tried to think of a blonde woman with an accent that she knew, but she couldn’t remember anyone who fit that description. 

“She asked for her address so I gave it to her.” 

“Wait,” Soojin straightened herself up even more, Soyeon following her, “you gave Miyeon’s address to a stranger?”

“It didn’t seem like she was harmful.” Nia commented with her phone above her face. “And she looked really, like... weak.”

Soojin rolled her eyes again. She figured nothing bad had happened to Miyeon since she hadn’t received a single strange call or text.But she still contacted Miyeon through text before dropping down her phone on the bed and bringing Soyeon closer.

“I wonder who it was.” Soyeon said while putting her head on Soojin’s shoulder and her arms around her.

The dancer laid one of her arms over Soyeon’s shoulders, and the other one was playing with the sheets underneath them.  
Soojin nodded, as to agree to what Soyeon had said.

“Maybe an old friend?” Nia asked, looking at the two.

“Maybe Minnie?” the youngest asked, looking between the other two.

Soojin realised Soyeon went away before Minnie did, so she didn’t know about the thai’s disappearance.

”Soyeon,” she stopped for a second to think about how she should tell her, but she realised Soyeon always was someone for ripping off the bandage, “Minnie has been gone for years.”

“I know.” the girl with dyed grey hair said.

“What?” Soojin moved to the side to see her face. 

“I know.”

“How do you know?” one of the dancer’s eyebrows raised.

Soyeon’s eyes shifted down for a second, but she quickly caught them and brought them right up again.

“Woogi told me.” she said.

“Yuqi? As in, Song Yuqi?”

“Yeah.” she smiled faintly.

“When did you talk to her?”

“I went to the town before I got here.” Soyeon bit the inside of her cheek.

“Why did you do that?” Soojin’s voice grew several volumes louder. “It’s dangerous for you there. You can’t go anywhere near that town.”

Nia, who watched everything happen from her bed, widened her eyes at her quiet roommate’s sudden loudness.

“I needed your address.” Soyeon shrugged. “And I needed to see her.”

Soojin sighed loudly. 

“Don’t do that again.” she demanded and sat back down in her earlier position. “Since you already know that Minnie’s gone, I’m guessing you know that Miyeon is engaged?”

Soyeon nodded. She knew it, but she couldn’t believe that’s what Miyeon really wanted. The Miyeon she knew would’ve waited for Minnie until she came back, not go and get engaged with someone else. 

“You should meet them.” 

The dancer looked at her phone for a couple of minutes, while Soyeon kept her eyes closed with her head on Soojin’s shoulder.

“We’ll go there tomorrow.” she said when the minutes had passed. “And you’ll get to meet Shuhua as well. She’s coming here tomorrow.”

Soyeon’s lips perked up when she heard the youngest’s name being mentioned. She was happy for the love sick little girl, but she was even more happy for her best friend. There was still that sour feeling in her belly, but she guessed it would be there for the rest of her life so she just had to live with it.

“Yuqi hasn’t been allowed to go come here, so I don’t think you’ll get to see her yet.”

The short girl couldn’t decide if that made her happy or sad. She wanted to see Yuqi, to show her how much she liked and missed her. But she knew the younger didn’t want to see her at all. Maybe it was for the better if she kept herself away from the young chinese.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> which reunion are you looking forwards to the most? Minnie/Soyeon, Minnie/Soojin, Minnie/Yuqi, Minnie/Shuhua or Soyeon/Miyeon?
> 
> i really hope you enjoyed the chapter! i really want to thank everyone who’ve continued supporting my work, thank you so much!
> 
> twitter: @elisaandpeggy


	7. The wind then turn from it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was stressed last week because my school decided it would be a good idea to have all students back in the building, plus my aunt and my already sick grandma caught the virus. it wasn’t the best week, but i have my hopes up for the upcoming seven days. i hope i can write more chapters for all of you. thank you for being patient with me.
> 
> WARNINGS: consumption of alcohol, mention of self-harm, mention of abortion, usage of strong language.
> 
> it was really your comments that kept me wanting to write, so thank you so much to everyone who supported me that way! and of course thanks to everyone who left kudos and read it as well!

*

Miyeon’s hand hugged the mouse as she moved her eyes over the screen. She made sure to read every single word, even those written in a fancy, tilted font.

“Here’s the clinic.” she said slowly while continuing reading the rules and regulations. “Are you sure about this?” 

Minnie, who say beside her, was quick to nod.

“I don’t want a baby if it isn’t with you.” she stated quietly.

“Minnie-” the older complained.

“I know.” Minnie cut her off.

Miyeon clicked on the email at the bottom of the website, and sent of the message Minnie had her write earlier. 

She felt a bit like a criminal, but what else could she do? She’d promised to help Minnie, no matter what she needed help with. And she was going to keep this one promise, because she couldn’t keep any of the other ones.

*  
*  
*

“You didn’t think of telling me?”

Soyeon had to run to catch up to Soojin, since her friend was tall and she was the exact opposite. 

“She just texted me about it.” the older mumbling as she tried to hide from the cold wind in her jacket.

“Why didn’t Shuhua tell you earlier then?” the younger scoffed as she caught up.

Soojin had stopped by the glass coupe, and sat down on the wooden bench as she rubbed her hands together for warmth. Soyeon sat down right next to her, and did the same with her own hands. Although winter in Busan usually included snow, it was never this cold there. Even their hometown was warmer than Seoul.

“I don’t even get why she agreed to come when she knows I’m here.” Soyeon muttered before turning her head to Soojin. “Your girlfriend hates me.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” the dancer answered between her teeth.

The younger knew the other was on the edge of scoffing, but she had to ask.

“No? Why?”

And now Soojin glared at her, before she scoffed and turned her head to the ground.

“Why would she?” she shot out. “I don’t like her like that.”

Soyeon almost laughed at that statement, but she stopped herself. Today wasn’t her day to die. She deserved a few more days on this globe of lies and sorrow. 

“Okay.” she decided to answer instead. “Just know, it won’t be the happiest meeting.”

“What even happened when you visited them?” the older started breathing between her hands before trapping them between her legs.

Soyeon scooted closer for her, maybe for affection, probably for warmth.

“First, Shuhua wouldn’t let me in.” the younger started. “Then, Mr Song let me in instead, and told me to go to Yuqi. He thought she would be happy to see me, but she wasn’t happy at all.”

She had to stop to swallow a lump in her throat.

“She said...” she bit her lower lip, and Soojin lowered her head to get a better view of her best friend as she furrowed her eyebrows. “She said what we had wasn’t real.”

“What do you mean?”

The older placed her hands on top of Soyeon’s, maybe for warmth, probably for affection.

“She doesn’t want me.” the younger answered in a broken voice.

“What?” Soojin sat up straight as she said. “Of course she wants you! You love her!”

“But she doesn’t love me”. Soyeon answered quietly.

It was probably obvious now that Soojin wasn’t the best at giving love advice, but Soyeon wasn’t that great either. They’d both lost all their knowledge several years ago, when it was ruined, crushed and thrown out the window. 

But she still had some years behind her that she could think back at. 

“Then you can’t stop trying.” she simply stated with a shrug.

Soyeon stared at her for a second, before chuckling and turning her head to look after the bus.

“You’re the biggest hypocrite I know.” she said between her tight, freezing lips.

“No.” the other argued. “I’m not stating my beliefs. I’m stating yours. You seem to have lost them somewhere along the shore in Busan.”

Soyeon’s head traveled back to Soojin, who wore a content, cocky smile on her face.

“I hate that you’re always right.” the younger scoffed between her teeth.

“I know.” Soojin tilted her head and laid it on top of Soyeon’s.

Soyeon was sure she would freeze to death. The wind only got colder and colder, and snow started falling slowly. It would turn dark in only a matter of minutes, and then the cold would increase even more.

“When is Miyeon coming?” she asked after a couple of minutes.

“She’ll meet us at the restaurant.” Soojin answered before distinctively checking the time on her phone.

They still had time to get there.

“Restaurant?” Soyeon raised her eyebrow. “Sounds classy. I thought you were broke?”

“No, I’ve got a few dollars.” the dancer answer mindlessly.

“A few dollars won’t pay for a meal.” she knew, she’d been there.

“Yeah, well, Miyeon’s fiancé is a lawyer.” the dancer said, still as mindlessly. “He’s stacked, so naturally, she’s stacked. And I’m her sorry little cousin who lives off of them.”

“Did that man know what he got himself into?” Soyeon chuckled. “I’m living off of you now, so he basically has three young adults to pay for.”

“And two more when Shuhua and Yuqi graduate.” Soojin added.

Soyeon nodded with a chuckle, before opening her mouth again.

“Do you think they’ll move here?” she asked.

“Shuhua will, and I’m sure she’ll drag Yuqi with her. They can’t stand a week without each other.”

“They’re like me and you.” Soyeon wrapped her arms around Soojin’s arm.

“Only that they have parents to pay for them.” the dancer reminded.

“Ew, don’t mention them.” Soyeon scoffed. “Why isn’t your mom paying for you and Miyeon, anyways? She’s pretty wealthy still, right?”

“Yeah.” Soojin nodded. “But I declined everything. She’s paying for our college tuitions, and that’s enough.”

“You could be swimming in money right now.” the younger hit her shoulder. “You could’ve bought me a new keyboard!”

“Sorry.” the dancer chuckled.

Soon enough, the bus arrived at the stop. It made a wheezing sound when it stopped. Soyeon thought it would explode for a second, but then one side of it lowered the slightest bit before the doors opened and several people jumped out. Most of them were on their way home from work, but some of them also looked like they were travelling with big backpacks and cameras around their necks. 

A lady almost tripped as she got off, but a younger woman was quick to catch her and make sure her back was okay. She continued to held the older lady over the street, until they disappeared behind the back of the bus.

Soyeon felt her heart starting to pump a little quicker when she heard the certain language she couldn’t understand a word of, except for ‘hi’ and ‘goodbye’.

“JinJin!” Shuhua called.

She jumped and ran crazily, like a child, before wrapping Soojin in a tight hug. So far from the Shuhua Soyeon had met just days prior.

Yuqi walked unsteadily behind her, with a backpack on her back and her upper body tilted towards the ground.

Soyeon could see how her chest was moving quicker than it probably should, and she wondered if she should help the girl, but Shuhua was quick to take her spot by putting Yuqi’s arm over her shoulder to hold her up. 

The younger girl didn’t even as much as look at Soyeon, as she helped Yuqi to hug Soojin.

“I’m happy you’re out of the town, Yuqi.” the dancer said in the hug. 

“Me too.” the younger panted. 

Soyeon was sure Shuhua was going to continue ignoring her when the other three had hugged, but Yuqi betrayed her sister by turned to the korean with a faint smile.

The older girl smiled back wider than she’d planned, but she couldn’t take it back when she’d done it. A faint smile was more than she’d gotten the last three years, and it made Soyeon’s heart skip in colourful circles.

“Should we get going?” Soojin asked to break the silence, and Shuhua was quick to agree with her by pulling Yuqi forward.

The dancer started walking, but the youngest quickly stopped her.

“Are we walking?” she asked.

“I don’t have a car.” Soojin shrugged.

“Miyeon?” 

“She’s already there.”

“But Yuqi can’t-“

As Shuhua said it, Soojin’s eyes opened wider as if she just realised the problem.

“It’s fine, Shu.” Yuqi caught her off.

Shuhua wanted to protest, but the chinese was quick to give her a death glare, to which the younger frowned before starting to walk by Soojin’s side, with Yuqi’s arm over her shoulders.

Soyeon noticed that she’d stood still, watching them leave, when the bus beside her drove away. Luckily, they hadn’t gotten far away and she could easily catch up to them by sprinting for less than a minute.

Since she got the view behind them, she could see how much Yuqi struggled to hold the bag up, so when she reached them, she was quick to hold out her hand in Yuqi’s direction.

“Woogi, can I hold your bag?” Soyeon asked with the most sincere smile she could produce.

“It’s Yuqi.” Shuhua corrected her with a glare, that owned nothing more than a punch from Yuqi, and a scold from Soojin.

The chinese turned her head back to Soyeon’s direction and gave her that faint smile again.

“It’s fine.” she said between her heavy breaths.

“I want to.” the older tried again. “It’s... pretty.” she muttered the last part.

Yuqi knew it was a lie, but the bag really was killing her quicker than her disease, and the older girl’s smile might’ve been a little bit cute. With the help of Shuhua, that she tried to fight away, she got it off her shoulders and handed it to Soyeon.

“Thanks.” the chinese mouthed and could stand upright now that she didn’t have a heavy weight on her.

“I should be the one to say thanks.” Soyeon responded and put it over her shoulders. “Look. Pretty.”

When she posed with the bag as if she was walking down a runway, she owned a light chuckle from Yuqi, before she smiled herself. If a chuckle was her reward for now, then that was enough. For now.

Soyeon locked eyes with Soojin, who gave her an encouraging nod and a smile. Soyeon knew she was getting there.

*  
*  
*

Minnie was playing with the colourful fishes in the aquarium, as Miyeon waited for the other four.

It seemed like an eternity since she’d seen all five of them in the same room. So much had happened, so much had changed. They wouldn’t be the same six girls that had sleepovers three years ago.

As she looked out the window where flakes were flowing widely, she looked over to Minnie who was tapping the screen and mimicking the movements of the fishes mouths. 

Miyeon couldn’t understand how that woman had been a housewife, ready to raise children, when she hadn’t grown up a single bit. 

Out of all of them, Miyeon believed Minnie was the most like she was back then. Her mind and heart still worked like it did three years ago. Even her eyes looked the same, just a little more broken.

“Miyeonie, look!” Minnie said before pointing at a particularly glowing fish.

It was yellow, blue and orange, smaller than the rest but the colours made it stand out the most. 

“It’s so cute!” she exclaimed before mimicking the little fish as well.

If it was back then, Miyeon would walk over to her and press their lips together. Nowadays, she’d have to wait until she was sure no one she knew could see them. A cheating scandal wasn’t something she wanted for her spot-free reputation, although it definitely was what she deserved. 

She knew she had a lot to tell a lot of people, but she just wanted to live in her happy bubble a little longer, before everything would go down to hell.

“Come here before someone calls you out.” Miyeon said and held her hand out, like if she was waiting for a child to catch up to her.

The younger woman grabbed her hand as she walked up to her. They stood close together, before the older spotted the group of four over the street.

“There they are!” she pointed out and smiled widely.

“That’s them?” Minnie asked loudly. “Shuhua is so tall! And Yuqi’s hair!”

“Yeah, about that.” Miyeon said and turned to the other. “Don’t mention her hair. She gets sad.”

“Okay.” the thai nodded. “Is there anything I should know?”

Miyeon bit her lower lip while thinking, and Minnie couldn’t help but lower her gaze to them before smirking. Luckily, Miyeon caught her before anything escalated.

“They might be a little awkward with you.” the older decided to ignore the tension completely.

“What do you mean?” Minnie asked.

“I guess they see you as someone who broke my heart, that’s what they remember.” Miyeon said carefully, causing Minnie to frown.

“I didn’t mean to.” she muttered and looked down.

Miyeon was quick to put her hand on Minnie’s cheek and lift her chin up so that their eyes met.

“I know.” she said as she brushed her thumb over the skin. “But they don’t, yet.”

Minnie only had time to nod before they heard the bell above the door ringing, catching their attention, to which Miyeon quickly took away her hand.

The four girls were shocked, to say the least. The same goes for the oldest two.

Eight eyes met four, all of them surprised to see at least one pair of eyes in the room.

Minnie knew she was the one with most confused eyes on her, causing her to look between everyone with a shy smile. Soojin smiled back at her, with the same kind of smile, while Shuhua frowned and Yuqi’s big, brown eyes only grew. The last girl, who Minnie herself didn’t expect to be meeting, looked like she’d seen a ghost. But when Minnie met her eyes, really met her eyes, they turned into crescents immediately. The thai’s eyes produced tears, before she quickly wrapped the shorter girl in her arms.

While Soojin thought she was watching a romantic scene for a movie, she noticed Miyeon hugging her quickly.

“What the hell?” she managed to whisper into her cousin’s ear before the older pulled away and shrugged.

Miyeon moved on to hug Shuhua, who she’d seen last a little more than a month ago, and Yuqi who she hadn’t seen in two months.

She noticed the girl feeling a little less bony, although it was a minimal change. She was still proud of the younger, and showed that by squeezing the little amount of skin she had on her cheeks, before eyeing Minnie and Soyeon, who still were hugging.

Miyeon guest Minnie was the one in charge of the hug, as Soyeon’s eyes already were searching for the oldest friend.

“My turn, Min.” the oldest in question said as she managed to pull Minnie away from the hug.

The younger’s eyes looked like they were burning, red with water falling down uncontrollably. She wanted to comfort her, but she knew they were happy tears, and she had another friendship to attend.

“I didn’t know you were coming back.” she whispered while Soyeon’s arms spread out for her.

“Me either.” Soyeon whispered back before they hugged.

Meanwhile, Minnie had managed to go to the friend who was almost the same height as herself. 

They both smiled, before hugging tightly. Behind her, Minnie could hear whispering in a language she hadn’t heard in a long time. Last time, was at her wedding. Her Chinese was bad, really bad. She couldn’t catch a single word.

“Shuhua, doesn’t it feel like we’re watching a family reunion?” Yuqi whispered to the younger in their first language.

“Totally.” the other whispered back.

“Do you feel a bit misplaced?”

“Yup.”

Soojin let go of the thai, in time for Minnie’s uncontrollable tears to stop falling.  
The second oldest girl turned around, to the two youngest who still stood by the door. She didn’t miss the way Shuhua glared her up and down.

Being the oldest, and the one suddenly showing up after several years, she knew she was the one who had to speak first.

“Hello.” but the ever so talkative chinese beat her to it.

“Hello.” she said, a little more awkwardly than she’d hoped. “Can I hug you?”

She asked the last sentence carefully, but smiled immediately when Yuqi held out her arms.

The girl was so much smaller, but she guessed that was because of the same reason as her short hair, and Miyeon told her not to speak about it, so she decided not to bring it up. Instead, she squeezed the girl closer, carefully.

Miyeon brushed her hand over the shortest girl’s cheek, before she saw Soyeon’s eyes change direction to over her shoulder. She looked the same direction, and saw how Minnie smiled fondly at the chinese. The thai then moved on to the youngest girl, and Miyeon had a feeling she would be the hardest, and she was right.

Minnie tried to hug her, but Shuhua just crossed her arms over her chest, to which Minnie awkwardly turned to the side, and met Miyeon’s eyes pleadingly.

“Now that all of you seem to be here, can I get you a table?” the waiter saved the awkward tension.

*  
*  
*

“What can I bring for you to drink, ladies?” the same waiter asked the second they sat down.

Miyeon had barely gotten the time to look over the drink menu, but she managed to check while the others were ordering different kinds of sodas. 

“Do you drink?” Miyeon asked Minnie, as she was the only other who’d turned twenty and she didn’t want to drink alone.

“Y-yes.” Minnie muttered.

“We’ll take two glasses of beer.” Miyeon said, putting down her menu to bring up her legitimation, while smiling at the middle aged man taking their orders.

“I’m scared I have to be rude and ask for your ID.” he said with an apologetic smile.

“Of course.” Miyeon said while digging through her purse.

”Oh, I’ll just take a coke then.” Minnue muttered. 

She, out of her hurry, of course had forgotten every single thing that could show that she was Nicha Yontararak. But maybe it was for the better. She wasn’t truly Nicha Yontararak after all.

“Are you sure, Miss?” he asked.

“Yes.” she nodded.

“I’ll just take the same then.” Miyeon nodded as well, and handed him the menu.

“Okay then. Your drinks will be right up. Feel free to look at the food menu while you wait.” he said before leaving them.

“Thank you!” Yuqi said loudly, catching the attention from other tables, to which both Miyeon and Soojin scolded her. “What?”

Soojin did her famous eye roll before Yuqi became loud again.

“So when did you get here, Minnie?” she asked and playfully looked through the menu.

“Uh, well...” she started counting the days on her fingers.

“Five days, as of today.” Miyeon caught in.

Soojin furrowed her eyebrows at her cousin, which the relative noticed.

“Are you two...?” Soyeon asked.

Who could blame her? She’d been gone for so long.

Soojin could blame her. Because Soojin had told her about Miyeon’s fiancé, more than once. Maybe Soyeon had forgotten.

Or maybe it was how Minnie looked at Miyeon that confused her. How her eyes were overflowing with love just with a single glance. Or how Miyeon finished Minnie’s sentence in the same sense as she’d done when they were together.

“No.” Miyeon said. “She lives with me and my fiancé.”

The oldest girl made sure to put emphasis on the last word, which caused a frown to appear on Minnie’s face.

“Oh, right.” Soyeon seemed to remember now. “Soojin told me. Congratulations.”

But Soyeon wasn’t actually happy for her. She’d always been closer to the other girl, and she could see how Minnie wasn’t happy for it, so she wouldn’t be either.

“Thanks.” Miyeon smiled.

Their drinks appeared the same second, and they all got to order before the waiter left them to continue their chatting.

“SooSoo, you’re taking dance, right?” Minnie turned her attention to the most quiet girl.

“Mhm.” she answered and sipped her drink.

“How do you like it?”

“It’s fun.” she sipped her drink again.

It wasn’t a surprise that Soojin still was a woman of few words. She only talked more when it was a one-on-one conversation, but the other part still had to be the leader of that conversation.

Therefore, Minnie nodded and decided to start drinking herself.

“Minnie, where have you even been all these years?” Yuqi bluntly asked.

She owned another scold from both Miyeon and Soojin. The chinese mustn’t have had it easy tha last three years considering how much scolding she’d gotten in half an hour.

“You can’t just ask that.” Miyeon scolded her a second time.

“Wha-“

“It’s okay.” Minnie reassured. “I’ve been in Thailand.”

“So you went home?” Shuhua asked, still keeping her glare.

“This is my home.” the thai was quick to answer. “My dad forced me there to marry and try to have kids and you know that classical ‘perfect wife’- lifestyle.”

She smiled sourly before taking a big sip of her coke.

“So you’re married?” Yuqi asked.

“Mhm.” Minnie nodded.

“Where’s your h- w-...” Soyeon had no clue how she should end the sentence.

She had her suspicions considering the girl’s background, but she didn’t want to assume anything.

“Husband.” Minnie said for her. “He’s either back in Thailand, or somewhere on the street here in Seoul.”

“Did you run away?”

“Yup.”

Miyeon had noticed how Minnie’s mood had gone down, and this was not supposed to be a sad reunion. Instead, she put her hand on Minnie’s leg, under the table of course, and squeezed it before shifting to the gray-haired girl’s direction.

“What about you Soyeon, what have you been up to?” Miyeon asked with a wide smile.

“I’ve been in Busan.” the short girl said, but she didn’t have the same smile Miyeon had.

Maybe talking about the past was the wrong conversation to have if they were to keep stuff up-beat.

“When did you come to Seoul?” she tried a different approach, and this time, Soyeon smiled.

“I arrived yesterday.” she said.

“So this is your first day?” Minnie asked. “What did you do?”

“Well, Soojin had to study, so I just hung out at their dorm.” Soyeon said. “Her roommate is really kind.”

They continued going around the table, before the conversations split into two or three different ones. 

Suddenly, Soyeon found herself listening to Miyeon, Minnie and Soojin talking about the two korean’s college courses, and hearing words and syllables coming out of the two younger’s mouths. They weren’t talking loudly, and it didn’t seem like neither of them enjoyed the conversation very much. Shuhua talked calmly but firmly, with a light frown, while Yuqi answered with the same, sort words over and over again.

Then, Yuqi’s head turned to Soyeon, which startled the girl to say the least. The korean heard the taiwanese grunt beside her sister.

“Soyeon.” Yuqi called with a light smile.

“Hm?” the older asked, giving the same smile back.

“I want to say sorry for acting so cold towards you the other day.” she said sincerely.

“Oh, it’s-“

“I just had a bad day. Well, week. I had a bad three years.” she chuckled as she decided on the final amount of time, but Soyeon just frowned. “But, I’d like to reconnect with you, if you’d like that.”

Soyeon felt her heart skip so many beats.

“I’d like that.” she answered quickly while smiling widely.

“Don’t fuck it up.” Shuhua, who’d leaned forwards to meet eyes with Soyeon, said between her teeth.

“Shuhua!” Soojin called from the other side of the table, as loudly as the girl managed to do with her quiet voice. “Come with me to the restroom.”

The dancer stood up quickly, and Shuhua followed her. They walked through the restaurant before they disappeared as they entered through a door.

“What’s up with those two?” Minnie asked as she eyed their direction.

“They’re just friends.” Yuqi said, using two fingers on each hand and gestured as she said the last word. “If you ask me, they’ve been dating the last few years.”

“Yeah, Soojin always calls her and all that girlfriend stuff.” Miyeon added.

“I can see she still liked Shuhua, like she did back then.” Soyeon joined as well. “Plus, they look at each other like nothing else is more important.”

“Right?” Yuqi moved quickly. “They look so lovestruck. I feel like a third wheel whenever I’m with them.”

“You’re telling me they’ve been acting like this all this time and they haven’t done anything about it?” Minnie raised an eyebrow.

“For three years.” Yuqi added a dramatic pause between every word.

“Oh my god.” Minnie said in English. “Why haven’t you pushed them?”

She turned her head between Yuqi and Miyeon, glaring at the two of them, before meeting Soyeon’s eyes who seemed to think the same thing she did.

“Soojin just says she doesn’t like Shuhua like that.” Miyeon said.

“Yeah, and Shuhua says she’s too busy with me.” Yuqi added.

“You still have to try, you punks.” Soyeon said, adding the last word with a fake glare.

“Don’t speak to your elder like that!” Miyeon protested while pointing at her. 

“You deserve it.” Soyeon scoffed, then smiled playfully.

*  
*  
*

“Why did you force me hear?” Shuhua asked as Soojin applied lipstick in the mirror.

The older’s lips were big and plump. Did she want to torment Shuhua?

“Cause I didn’t like how you acted back there.” she said as she put down her red lipstick in her bag.

“What? I just want to protect my sister.” Shuhua scoffed. “And you... and Miyeon.”

“Well, stop it.” Soojin turned to face the younger. “You’re just being rude.”

Shuhua rolled her eyes.

“Hey!” Soojin complained and hit her shoulder. “Don’t roll your eyes at me!” 

The taiwanese sighed as she bit down on her jaw.

“And don’t make that face.” the older complained before walking past her. “Just stop with your childishness. They’ve been through enough as it is.”

Shuhua rolled her eyes behind Soojin’s back, before following her back to the round table.

The mood seemed better now as all of them laughed with bright smiles. Maybe it was because the food had arrived and everyone had started eating.

“-and then she forced him to dance on top of the table!” Yuqi said loudly as she laughed.

Both Soojin and Shuhua knew the story of the naked stranger immediately, they didn’t need anyone to retell them.

“I was drunk!” Miyeon protested and brought some food to her mouth. “And he was rude. He deserved it!”

“Senior-Miyeon was a whole personality!” Yuqi laughed wildly.

“I bet you were drunk at least fifty precent of your free time that year!” Shuhua added with laughs.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Miyeon asked as she lifted both her hands. “The homework was too easy, and all of you were busy with your own stupid stuff!”

“Tell us more, tell us more!” Soyeon said in a high-pitched voice while hitting her palms on the table, like an expectant child.

Soojin was sure everyone around their table hated their loudness, but she couldn’t care less. She didn’t contribute to it that much, but she still smiled and laughed with the others. She never knew having everyone back in a room together would be this fun. She really had missed this.

Even Shuhua loosened up after a couple of minutes. It was probably because of all the amazing food, but hey, it worked. She turned to her loud, usual self in the middle of their meal, and Soojin couldn’t be happier.

That was until she saw a familiar figure enter through the doors. It didn’t make her feel anything special at all at first. Hui was better now, the only problem was, that her old friends didn’t know that. And that’s what worried her.

Maybe he wouldn’t see them? He walked halfway through the restaurant, before he caught Soojin’s eyes and gave her a wide smile. And then he started walking towards them.

Of course the girls noticed before he’d gotten to the table, and of course all their eyes went to Soojin. The dancer could see both Soyeon get ready to stand up, but she told her not to with her eyes.

“I keep bumping into you!” Hui said as he smiled widely at Soojin.

His eyes moved along the rest of them, lingering longer on both Shuhua and Soyeon, because the two of them were the ones who gave him the strongest glares.

“I see the whole troupe is back together!” he smiled even wider.

Shuhua thought his smile was the ugliest she’d ever seen in her life, Soyeon thought it looked suspicious.

“I-I already talked to Soojin about this but...” stuttering and long pauses could easily be faked, Soyeon thought. “I’m really, really sorry for everything I put you through during high school.”

Soyeon looked around at everyone to figure out what she was supposed to do. Miyeon, who was undoubtedly the calmest of them all, excluding Soojin, had faked a smile, so Soyeon followed her.

“It was a long time ago.” the oldest said between her teeth in her faked smile.

“Right, it was.” he didn’t seem to catch it. “And I hope we can put it behind us.”

“Of course.” Soyeon mimicked Miyeon, but he didn’t seem as convinced by her.

His eyes went around to all of their faces, but this time lingered on Soojin who smiled apologetically back at him.

“Well, I’m not gonna disturb your girl-night anymore.” he said. “Have fun!”

Hui was quick to leave them, causing all girls to lean forwards in their chairs to meet Soojin’s eyes.

“You’ve been talking to him?” Shuhua asked.

“Just once or twice.” Soojin said, acting as if it wasn’t a big deal at all.

“Don’t do that.” Soyeon scolded.

*  
*  
*

When they’d finished eating, and Miyeon had fought to pay the check by herself, arguing that the rest of them were broke students or unemployed, they took the party out to the streets of Seoul. They quickly figured they would die if they stayed outside, and Soojin’s dorm was too small to hold seven people, so the natural choice was Miyeon’s apartment.

“I’ll just have to talk to my fiancé first...” she muttered as she brought up her phone to text him. “Oh- He thinks I’m pregnant so if he mentions it, just act along.”

She said the last part casually, like she’d just listed up their to do list.

“Why would he think so?” Shuhua furrowed her eyebrows.

Miyeon hadn’t thought too much about what she said when she said it. She just remembered that it was a part of a secret she was supposed to play, she didn’t realise that the secret had more parts than her own.

“I-I am.” Minnie said and lowered her head.

She hated how all their eyes automatically went to her belly, but it wasn’t their fault. Luckily, it wasn’t visible unless she stood shirtless in front of a mirror.

“Congra-“ Yuqi started, but Minnie quickly caught her off.

“No. I’ll get rid of it.” she muttered.

Luckily, none of the girls questioned her any further. It was her own choice, anyways. 

Soyeon brought her in for a side-hug, before Miyeon declared that they could go to her apartment, and that her fiancé would spend the night with a friend instead, to not disturb the girls.

Minnie smiled as she thought of spending the entire night by Miyeon’s side, with no stupid man to keep her away.

The walk to the apartment wasn’t too long. And when they were there, all of them were familiar to it except for Soyeon. The other four girls fell down on the couch, while Soyeon walked around the small apartment. And Miyeon prepared the alcohol for all of them, but she would say it only was for her and Minnie when her fiancé asked tomorrow.

“How did you manage to get an apartment?” the shortest girl asked as she walked along the walls covered in Miyeon’s paintings.

“It’s his.” she said and poured some alcohol in a glass. “I got money from my selling parents’ old house though, so we’re planning on moving to something bigger.”

The oldest handed out a glass each, before her and Soyeon sat down on a puff each across from the couch.

Nothing was cuter than Shuhua’s face when she drank. It all scrunched up and she tried to desperately clean everything off with water.  
Soojin must’ve agreed with Miyeon, as she started at Shuhua with that smile the other four were talking about earlier that night.

No one questioned why Minnie’s drink disappeared the quickest.

“So, how’s everything on the love front?” the no-filter-Yuqi asked.

The chinese realised afterwards, when everyone became quiet and awkwardness filled the air, that it wasn’t the best choice if conversation. She also realised that she had absolutely nothing to at to it herself. But like always, Shuhua saved her.

“I met someone, actually.” the youngest said, to everyone’s surprise.

”You what?” Soojin was the first to question her.

The others tried to act like they weren’t expecting it.

“And you didnt tell me?” Yuqi asked in a higher pitch than she usually used.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t had time.” Shuhua smiled as she thought about the girl. “We only met a few days ago, and we’ve hung out twice but...”

“But?” Soojin was more alarmed than any of the others.

“But I think we’re gonna be a real thing.” she smiled widely.

“You’re not.” the dancer stated and drank from her glass.

“We are?” the younger said, but her voice went up at the end, making it sound more like a question.

“No, you’re too busy.” Soojin argued. “You don’t have time. Plus, you’re gonna leave town really soon.”

Shuhua’s earlier excited face now fell. Soyeon could see how everything crashed down in her mind.

“I guess...” she muttered with her gaze at the floor.

For the first time in her life, Soyeon decided to put herself against her best friend.

“No, Shu.” she said. “Do it if you want to.”

“Yeah, you deserve some real love.” Yuqi agreed.

“Who cares if it will last or not?” Miyeon added and patted her shoulder. “You have to follow your heart, and if your heart says go for it, then go for it.”

Shuhua nodded slowly, before lifting her gaze.

“It says ‘go for it, you weirdo’.” the youngest smiled.

“Then go for it, you weirdo!” Minnie encouraged.

Soojin was left silent on her spot. Not only did her friends of several years go against her, but her cousin and best friend did as well. But maybe she deserved it? Maybe it was her fault Shuhua had grown tired of her?

Soojin quickly caught herself. Why did she care if Shuhua lost interest in her anyways? It’s not like she likes the girl like that. 

Shuhua deserves love, like Yuqi said. Shuhua deserves this.

A smile formed on her face. If it was forced or not, no one would know.

*  
*  
*

Minnie felt Miyeon’s light scent hit her senses the second she woke up. She felt the girl’s lips against her own. They must’ve fell asleep like that.

Her breath was warm and steady. Minnie wondered if the right thing would be to back away, since it probably was another mistake of the older, but she couldn’t move away from Miyeon’s petite body in her arms. She was so warm, so soft. Just like she’d been when she was hers.

Her final decision, was not to move away, and act like she still was asleep until the other moved away.

No one seemed to be awake around them, so she didn’t have to worry about anyone else seeing them.

After some minutes, she felt the lips starting to move. It was probably Miyeon in her half-awake state, thinking Minnie was Kwan. 

The thai decided to open her eyes, and got startled when Miyeon’s were open as well. She definitely wasn’t half-asleep.

Minnie paused for a second, before giving in to Miyeon’s moving lips. Oh, how she’d missed the morning kisses.

Miyeon never thought she could hate the sound of yawning more than she did right now. Soyeon beside her was letting out the loudest yawn, signalling she’d woken up, causing Miyeon to pull herself away from Minnie’s warm embrace, and standing up to leave for the bathroom.

Soyeon’s eyes opened the second she heard the door close, and then her head turned to Minnie’s red face. The thai saw a glare mixed with a smirk on the younger’s face, so she brought up her finger to her mouth to which the other nodded.

A minute later, Soojin’s head perked up, only to look around her, grab her phone, and fall right back down. Minnie and Soyeon both chuckled at the sleepyhead. 

The two youngest were still asleep when Miyeon existed the bathroom, where Soojin took her spot. Soyeon soon left Minnie on the mattresses, and knocked on the bathroom door to be let in.

Soojin had her pyjama shirt unbuttoned, but Soyeon knew better than to check her out. Instead, she sat down on the toilet and kept her gaze at the roof.

The dancer was doing her makeup, luckily not for any guy this time around.

“Soyeon, those scars should be long gone by now.” the dancer suddenly called, looking at her through the mirror.

The younger girl realised the arm of her pyjamas shirt had rolled up, revealing an arm filled with red and white lines.

“Well...” Soyeon started, but she realised she had no other explanation than the truth. “I’m fine. It brought me back when I had an episode.”

Soojin had walked up to her and carefully grabbed her arm, before studying the wounds on the arm. 

“When was last time?” she asked with her gaze at them.

“A few days ago.” Soyeon said. “After I visited Woogi.”

Soojin lowered her head to the wounded arm and planted kisses over the skin. Soyeon felt shivers when the lips touched her skin.

“Give me whatever you use when we’re away from the girls.” the older said firmly while looking deeply into her eyes. “You’ve got me now, okay?”

Soyeon nodded, and watched Soojin unclothed front as the girl pressed a kiss on her forehead.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> was the reunion all you’d hoped for?
> 
> i’ve started planning this story’s sequel as well. i figured it would have to be a trilogy when finished WEFA.  
> like i did before planning the last story, i need you to choose yes or no. just write yes or no, and you’ll help me with a part of the story.  
> you’re gonna hate me. so much.
> 
> twitter: @elisaandpeggy


	8. Certain that it will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a busy one. have fun.
> 
> WARNINGS: consumption of alcohol, hinting of eating disorder.
> 
> twitter: @elisaandpeggy

*

Shuhua felt the tiredness in her body when she stood up from her bed. She preferred Yuqi’s bed, but it was claimed by someone else. And had been, for an entire week.

Soyeon came back with them after the weekend they spent in Seoul, and argued that Yuqi needed some fresh company, which might’ve been true, but that still didn’t mean she should spend every second with her, awake and asleep.

But Yuqi hadn’t complained when Soyeon had asked, so Shuhua could do nothing about it.

That meant Shuhua had to sleep in her own bed, which she rarely did. Especially during Yuqi’s recovery. She liked to be close to the girl at all times just in case something happened.

Her own bed wasn’t nearly as comfy as Yuqi’s was, even though they had the exact same mattress and sheets. 

Shuhua hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep at all.

Her eyes were heavy as she made her way down to the kitchen, were several voices were coming from. She noticed the short girl by the counter, stirring something green in a yellow bowl, while her head was turned around to look at the man on the other side, who was cooking something on the stove.

The short haired girl laughed from the table where she sat with her legs pressed up against her chest, in her pyjamas with a big hoodie covering her upper body. The blue circles around her eyes were almost bigger than her smile.

“You look like something out of Corpse Bride.” Shuhua said before sitting down beside Yuqi by the table.

“Wow, thanks.” Yuqi muttered. “I’m sure your hair smells like it.”

Shuhua scoffed before bringing up her phone to her face. 

She texted the first contact a morning greeting, and got a reply within seconds. Knowing Soojin, she was either half-asleep in her bed, or rushing through her dorm to get ready. Considering she’d answered Shuhua more than a single word, it was probably the first option.

A comment from one of the counters reminded her of something she needed to talk to the dancer about. Instead of having to tap her fingers over her screen in a language she still struggled with a bit, she decided to leave the room and call her friend.

Soojin didn’t even get to say ‘hello’ before Shuhua whisper-yelled.

“Get your friend out of here!” she let out. “I can’t sleep!”

“Calm down.” Soojin muttered. “I literally just woke up.”

“Come get her!”

“I’m coming tomorrow.” Shuhua could hear her raspy morning voice. “You’ll survive another day.”

“Are you?” the younger’s mood changed as she heard the older.

Her earlier frown turned to a wide smile and awoken eyes.

“I’ve missed you, JinJin.” Shuhua said, suddenly sounding several years younger.

“Mhm... Clear your Sunday and Monday so we can hang out.”

”Of course.” Shuhua smiled before she remembered. “I have a date with Munhee on Sunday though.”

There was a longer pause from the older girl.

“Cancel it then.” Soojin muttered.

“We just started dating, I can’t bail on her this early on.” Shuhua stated.

There was another pause from Soojin.

“I guess we won’t hang out then.” just by the way the words caused a sour taste in her own mouth, Shuhua knew there was something bothering the dancer.

“No, we’ve got the entire Monday.” she tried.

”You’ve got school.”

“After, then.”

“Whatever. I’ll go now.” Soojin muttered.

“Okay. Bye bye, JinJin.” she heard the beeping even before she’d finished her sentence.

In the other room, the sound of a spoon meeting the sides of the bowl were exchanged to something frying in the pan. She heard the sound of plates meeting the table, before her father let out a warm laugh followed by a comment.

Yuqi exited the room with a plate of a number of things, and a bright smile on her face.

It quickly turned into a confused gaze when Shuhua grabbed her arm.

“Whoa, watch it.” the chinese said as she tried to control the small bowl of soup she was balancing on the plate.

“Soojin is coming tomorrow,” Shuhua started, fully ignoring Yuqi’s complaint, “and she’s gonna take Soyeon with her when she goes home.”

“I know.” Yuqi nodded and swaddled away from Shuhua’s hold.

She started walking towards the stairs, but was once again stopped by the other.

“Let me bring it to her.” the taiwanese said and reached her hands out to grab the plate. 

“I can do it myself, Shu.” the older glared at her.

“Just let me do it.” Shuhua argued.

Yuqi gave her a glare, but not before giving her an eye roll. The older turned around with a scoff, and walked back into the kitchen as Shuhua brought the breakfast to their workaholic mom.

*  
*  
*

The strumming of her guitar hurt her ears more than she ever thought it would. A guitar out of tune was already a several lighting strikes at once, but someone trying to play on that untuned guitar, someone who didn’t know how to play, was indescribably painful. Especially when she had chemical formulas to figure out.

“Could you not do that?” she snapped and turned her head to the gray haired. 

“Sorry.” Soyeon said and put the guitar to the side, smiling brightly as she did so.

Her smile was contagious, and soon Yuqi found herself smiling again. She rubbed her eyes before focusing back on her book.

The shorter girl stood up from the bed and walked to the table Yuqi was sitting by.  
The younger felt Soyeon hovering over her. She could smell her scent, and feel her warmth. Yuqi was taken back three years, when those two factors were what lured her into the older’s trap.

“What are you studying?” her breath smelled like mint.

“Chemistry.” Yuqi answered as she desperately tried to focus on her book.

“Interesting...” Soyeon mumbled and stayed right where she was. “I don’t get any of this.”

“Well, you never studied it so...” the younger muttered as she scribbled down the formulas in her notebook.

After some time, the older moved away and sat back down on the bed. Well, she didn’t exactly sit. She changed between several different positions. The last and current was with both legs against the wall as she laid on her back.

“Is this what you do all day?” she asked.

“Hm?” the other answered absentmindedly.

“All we’ve done is studying, shouldn’t you be finished soon?” Soyeon asked, missing how her interrupting Yuqi made the younger agitated.

“I missed an entire school year so I have to study in order to get into college with Shu.” she said in an even lower voice than her usual one. “And you could just go out yourself. I didn’t ask you to hang out with me in the first place.”

“I want to hang out with you.” Soyeon smiled. “You need a new face to look at and I need my Woogi.”

Soyeon chuckled as she heard the older’s boldness.

Old Soyeon had returned during Yuqi and Shuhua’s stay in Seoul. Shuhua said it was because the girl was nothing other than crazy, but Yuqi thought it was because she acted less coolly the second time they met. She’d even said she wanted to connect with Soyeon again.

Maybe Soyeon took it as something more than friendly? Maybe Yuqi wanted it to be something more than friendly?

All these years, and she still felt her heart beat a few too many times whenever the other spoke. But it scared her more than it excited her.

Miyeon’s heart had been beating so hard for Minnie all those years ago, then almost stopped beating when Minnie went away. Yuqi wasn’t about to risk another year of her life unable to really live it, like Miyeon had, and she had as well, but because of a different reason of course. She’d already lost too much time. 

But she still couldn’t ignore whatever happened with her body when she smelled Soyeon and felt her warmth.

“I can’t stay out for long but we could go sit on the hammock or something later.” she said, turning to the older.

Soyeon wore a kind smile, but she quickly brushed of Yuqi’s suggestion.

“It’s fine.” she said. “Soojin told me not to go out.”

In the same sense she couldn’t ignore the way her body reacted when Soyeon was close, she couldn’t ignore the way her body reacted when Soyeon mentioned Soojin.

Soojin, the one person Soyeon would do anything and everything for. The only person who knew why she left.

“What are you two to each other?” Yuqi was known to not have a filter, and she wasn’t about to change that for Soyeon.

“Me and Soojin?” Soyeon asked, gaining a nod from the younger. “Hm...”

Soyeon had to ask herself that question. What were they? They were so much more than best friends, even if that’s how people usually referred to them. They would’ve been like sisters, but that didn’t really fit them as there was forbidden feelings involved. Soyeon still felt them from time to time, and she knew Soojin did as well. 

The dancer often caught her staring at her lips, her body three years prior, and had caught her in the little amount they’d spent recently. But Soojin wasn’t the only one noticing things. Soyeon saw the way Soojin was looking at her with the same glimmer she had in her eyes when they were kids.

But it was so much more than that as well. How do you put ten years of misery and love into a single word? You can’t.

“I love her.” she said, hoping it would be enough.

“Romantically?” Yuqi didn’t really understand why she was so interested in knowing, but it was that feeling in her body that acted on its own.

“Yes.” Soyeon answered. “And platonically.”

The gray haired girl almost saw Yuqi’s brain crush for a moment as she squeezed her eyes shut. She came back for the momentary break with a confused gaze.

“That’s not how it works.” she said. “You either love her as a friend or as a lover.”

“But I love her as both.”

Yuqi’s brain and heart broke at the same time. Soyeon was the weirdest but most interesting human she’d ever met, and she wanted to get to know her, to make up for the years they’d lost. But at the same time, she didn’t want any of that at all. 

“So you could marry her?” she asked.

Soyeon took a moment to answer, as she changed her position to sit cross legged on the bed, to be able to look back at Yuqi’s face.

“I could.” she then said.

One of Yuqi’s eyebrows raised, and she quickly turned around to put her focus back on her book.

“Then,” she started quietly, “why are you here... with me?”

Soyeon smiled to herself when she heard the uncertainty in Yuqi’s voice. Like she did three years ago, Yuqi showed few feelings through loving words and acts. She showed much more emotions through sadness, jealousy, irritation and madness. As strong emotions meant a strong base in which they came from, meaning Yuqi felt something strongly for Soyeon. In the korean’s mind it was love and affection.

“Because I like you romantically.” she states confidently.

She didn’t miss the way the pen in Yuqi’s hand stopped moving for a quick second, before the chinese continued studying without saying anything more.

*  
*  
*

Shuhua felt the excitement through her entire body as she wanted for the girl to arrive. They had decided to meet up just outside the school, and then move to the centrum. Munhee had suggested going there as she wanted to buy an album, and Shuhua thought it was an okay idea. She wasn’t too much for music herself, she only enjoyed singing in the shower, but hanging out with Munhee was worth it.

Her phone buzzed in her phone, and she knew for sure who it was, but Munhee was walking down the street, so Shuhua’s entire focus was put on her.

“Hi!” the older greeted as she was a few steps away from the other.

Shuhua greeted her back with a smile, before holding out her arms to hug her. 

Munhee was much smaller than Soojin. The dancer was built by muscle, but it didn’t seem like Munhee had much of that. But it was hard for Shuhua to tell, as she’d only seen the girl in a puffy jacket.  
She could however tell that the girl was shorter than Soojin. Munhee was even shorter than herself. Probably shorter than Miyeon and Yuqi as well, but definitely taller than that short girl who’d taken her bed away from her.

Her cheeks were a little rounder then her own, but not as round as Soojin’s. And she always wore a red tint on her cheeks, much different from Soojin’s constant nude colour. Maybe that was because they’d only met outside with the winter wind hitting them.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting for too long.” Munhee said as they started walking away from the big building.

“No, it’s fine.” Shuhua smiled.

Their hands brushed against each other again, baking the taiwanese blush immediately, and she saw Munhee doing the same.

The girls’ voices spoke in the back of her mind, telling her to go for it. So she went for it.

She slowly reached for Munhee’s hand, starting with her pinky. Shuhua looked at the other girl’s face to make sure she showed no discomfort, and when she didn’t, Shuhua grabbed another finger, until she had all of them in her hold. Her next step was to intertwine their fingers. The taiwanese was grateful she chose to wear gloves, otherwise the other would’ve felt the sweat that was forming in her palms. 

She took a strong grip of the hand, and smiled as she looked down on them. 

“Tell me about your day.” Shuhua asked the older with a grin, taking the role of the confident one.

The walk to the centrum seemed so much shorter than it ever had before. It felt like they’d taken a single step, and suddenly they were outside the record store. 

The next hour was spent with Munhee running through the isles, excited to show her favourite music to Shuhua. And Shuhua, who was pulled along, not interested in the music at all, but Munhee’s excitement was too adorable to bore her.

*  
*  
*

Yuqi sighed as she placed down her pen. She fell back in her chair and closed her eyes. The last few pages had really drained her energy.

“Are you finished?” Soyeon asked excitedly.

“For today.” Yuqi mumbled, with her eyes closed.

“Are you tired?”

“Mhm.”

Having ten precent of the energy anyone else her age had wasn’t something she’d recommend. Her doctor had said it’s a normal part of healing, but she was starting to doubt that more and more as each day went by. 

“Come lay here then.” Soyeon said and patted the bed beside her.

Yuqi slowly stood up from her seat and carefully laid down beside the other girl. It didn’t even take a second before Soyeon pulled her close, carefully putting her head on Yuqi’s shoulder. 

“You’re really skinny, Woogi.” Soyeon said as she felt the bony body part against the side of her head.

“I’m working on it.” the younger mumbled. 

Soyeon’s head perked up to look at Yuqi’s face. She looked exhausted with those heavy eyelids and dark circles. And her breath was slow and steady. Her heart jumped.

“You lost your baby cheeks.” she stated, Yuqi was becoming irritated with her again. “But you’re still cute.”

She laid her head down again, and decided to be quiet to let the other fall asleep until she had to wake up again at dinner.

Being away for three years was worth it if she could have Yuqi like this without worrying about anyone taking her away. Although she had a long way to go with her Woogi, she was closer than she thought she’d ever be the just last week.

*  
*  
*

“It’ll be fun.” Miyeon had said.

Yeah, fun. Fun partying with people she hadn’t met before, plus her ex and her ex’s fiancé. At least Soojin was there to save her.

The group of four were standing by a round table. Each of them had a drink, Miyeon and Kwan had managed to sneak one to underaged Soojin and Minnie who didn’t have an ID. Miyeon’s was without alcohol, as she had a lie to uphold. 

Minnie didn’t even know what she was sipping, but she couldn’t care less. She just wanted to get drunk and disappear from this world where Kwan touches and holds Miyeon like she’s his. Miyeon is not his. 

The thai locked eyes with the fiancée time and time again, to frown at her which the older gave an apologetic look to. Miyeon wasn’t Minnie’s either.

“Do you wanna dance, babe?” Kwan asked Miyeon with a big smile and held out his hand.

She grabbed it, and they disappeared into the sea of people. 

Minnie could just imagine his hands on her hips, his lower body rubbing against her. Another one of those lumps found its way up her throat. Were there a lot of calories in her drink? She better stop drinking it.

Soojin watched as the thai pushed the glass away from her. Her face was somewhere between a cry and a frown. 

The dancer figured it hurt seeing the girl she loved, love someone else. She knew how much it stung. How much you just wanted to rip your own guts out. To drown in a river of blood or tears or whatever liquid that was spilling out of your body.  
Soojin was very familiar with jealousy. Especially now that Shuhua...

“Hi!” the familiar voice greeted before placing his own glass on their table. “I didn’t know you’d be here!”

Hui was wearing a button up shirt, with the first unbuttoned. It was white, and hugged his fit upper body very well. Soojin had to admit that he was attractive with his brown eyes and sharp jaw. She’d forgotten just how plump his lips were.

Minnie watched as Soojin nodded a reply to him, and how Hui immediately creeped closer to start a quiet conversation with her. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but by the blush sneaking up Soojin’s neck, and the way he used his charming smile, she figured it was time for her to interfere.

“SooSoo, help me with my dress please.” Minnie said before walking away from them.

Soojin was right behind her as they got to the restroom. The dancer was ready to help, but Minnie just stared at her. 

“What?” the younger girl questioned. 

Minnie sighed.

“I see what he’s trying to do.” she said.

“Huh?”

“Hui. He’s trying to make you fall for him.” 

“So?”

Minnie sighed again, before turning to the mirror to fix her makeup. Soojin stared at her with her arms crossed, waiting for her reply.

“You’re supposed to be with Shuhua.” Minnie said, not meeting her eyes.

“I don’t like her like that.” Soojin scoffed.

“Bullshit.” the thai mumbled.

“What was that?” the younger questioned.

“Nothing.” she answered, a higher pitch than normal. 

Minnie turned back to face Soojin, and placed a hand on her shoulder, which the other glared at.

“Look, Hui was bad for you.” she said, trying to sound as serious as she could. “You can’t go back to him. I won’t allow that.”

“He’s changed.” Soojin mumbled as she rolled her eyes.

Minnie shook her head.

“People like him don’t change.”

Soojin bit her inner lip as she had to calm her breathing. Why was everyone always trying to interfere with her life? Her love life, even?

She was a grown woman now. She didn’t need anyone’s help.

“Well, he has.” she said before turning around and leaving the restroom.

Minnie rubbed her temples. She could just hope her friend was right.

*  
*  
*

Soojin felt his hands on her waist, but she didn’t mind too much. Maybe she was too drunk to think, or maybe she liked it.

Either way, she didn’t take his big hands away. Nor did she back away when he pressed their bodies together. 

Hui smelled of cologne, but it didn’t smell the same as three years ago. Now, it was softer and a lot better. Soojin was glad he’d dropped his old, strong scent.  
His new smell reminded her of someone. Maybe Shuhua?

His hands moved up and down, and soon enough, Soojin’s own hands were around his neck. 

The boy - no, man - smiled widely at her. His teeth were white and his breath a mixture of mint and alcohol. She didn’t mind it, as her probably was the exact same. 

Soojin could feel the sweat starting to form on her body from being this close to someone for this long, but the music was too good to stop. Or maybe that was an excuse to stay close to him. 

Minnie watched as everything between Hui and Soojin happened. She wanted to pull them apart, but Soojin had indirect told her not to. There was nothing she could do.

Then, her eyes went to Miyeon and Kwan. His hands were wrapped around her, as her arms wrapped around him. They were dancing slowly, in opposite to the other two. Their foreheads were pressed against each other, and they kissed occasionally. 

Minnie wanted to go over there and claim what was supposed to be hers, but she couldn’t. Again, there was nothing she could do.

Well, maybe there was something she could do.

Instead of standing alone by the bar table, she saw a lonely figure dancing crazily on the dance floor, and walked over there. It was only a plus that she was close to Miyeon and Kwan.

The girl looked at her when she came, and immediately grabbed her. Minnie saw that she was pretty gone by looking in her eyes, so she told herself not to do anything before the other girl took the step. 

Well, the other girl took the step quickly, and suddenly Minnie felt a tongue playing widely in her mouth. She didn’t mind it. The girl was a good kisser and she knew what she was doing, but she’d much rather have Miyeon’s tongue in her mouth. At least she got a good make out. And Maybe Miyeon saw it.

*  
*  
*

Soojin felt her forehead press against a sweaty one, but hers must’ve been just as wet. The hands on her waist had grabbed her harder, to keep her in place, and she didn’t mind. 

Her and Hui’s breaths bounced against each other. She could definitely smell the alcohol, but he could as well. 

His lips touched her cheeks, and it probably wasn’t intended, but he still did it over and over again. What he did intend, was how his lips moved further down her face, until they were just by the corner of her mouth.  
Then, they were on her mouth.

It was a good kiss. Not sloppy, and with a lot of emotions. She could feel what he wanted to tell her just by the touch, and she was only pulled a bit closer to him.

The next kiss was more wet. More hungry. She was sure she had his saliva all over her lips, even before he moved his tongue across them, before pressing it into her mouth. 

He must’ve practiced, because he was for sure a better kisser now. Or maybe it had been too long since she had anyone kiss her like this. 

Miyeon didn’t even notice them as she pulled Minnie behind her.

Now it was Minnie’s turn to be scolded in the restroom. She could feel just how irritated Miyeon was with her hard grip on her dress. Mission succeeded.

But she didn’t receive the screams and shouts and light hits she was expecting when she was pulled. Instead, she felt her back press against the wall of a stall, before she heard the lock turn and Miyeon press against her.

Her eyes were big and determined, and she wore a light frown before she swallowed hard.

“Eat me out.” she said, but Minnie didn’t miss the way her voice was shaking.

Minnie wanted to laugh at the way she so desperately tried to look determined, when she actually was falling apart.

“No, you’re gonna regret it.” the thai said and wanted to press past her.

Miyeon used Minnie’s want to leave to switch their spots. Now Miyeon was up against the wall while Minnie stood on the other side.

“I want you to.” the older said, and lifted one of her legs up.

“I won’t.” Minnie was quick to say and pulled the leg back down.

”Please.” Miyeon whispered.

Minnie took a step back from her, and saw immediately how Miyeon’s face fell. The thai placed her hand on the older’s cheek and took a step closer again until her breath hit Miyeon’s face warmly.

“You’re doing this because you’re jealous.” the younger whispered.

Miyeon’s eyelids had fallen halfway over her eyes, as her pupils stared right down on the ground. 

“I just want you to stay.” she whispered, her voice breaking several times.

Minnie placed her arms around Miyeon’s waist and let the older lean on her shoulder. The thai left a chaste kiss on the side of the other’s head and held her close.

*  
*  
*

After nearly half an hour in the restroom, Miyeon’s conscious got to her and she asked to go home. 

Minnie supported her on their way out, and quickly caught eye contact with the girl’s fiancé, who eyed them with a concerned frown.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, and instantly grabbed Miyeon himself.

Minnie wanted to hold onto her, but she remembered Kwan was the one who should, so she let go as a lump formed at the end of her throat. 

“She just a bit nauseous.” the thai lied.

Just why Miyeon suddenly had gotten hit with an attack like this, only the girl in question knew. 

“Where’s Soojin?” Minnie asked, eyeing around the room before they left through the doors.

“She left with someone.” Kwan said, having a hard time holding Miyeon as the girl tried to struggle out of his hold. “Are you sure she’s not drunk or anything?”

“I don’t know.” Minnie said. “Aren’t you supposed to watch over her?”

If he couldn’t even keep an eye on Miyeon for one night, how did he expect Minnie to let him take care of her for the rest of their lives? 

“I was, then she walked away to you.” he said.

Kwan probably hadn’t meant to sound rude, but Minnie, having been jealous and mad at the man for days, definitely took it as that.

“Are you blaming me?” Minnie asked and glared at him.

“Of course not!” Kwan replied quickly. “Miyeon’s her own person, she can take care of herself. You don’t have any responsibilities for her actions, of course.”

Kwan was a nice man for everyone’s eyes, everyone but Minnie. To Minnie, what he had just said, was like rubbing in her face how Miyeon wasn’t hers to take care of. 

*  
*  
*

Shuhua and Munhee had lost time completely. They didn’t even noticed when the clock stroke twelve, or even the hour after it. 

It wasn’t before Yuqi’s angry text that Shuhua remembered she has a home to her back to.

Munhee walked her to the door, before giving her a shy hug and slowly walking away.

The only lamp that was turned on in the house was the one by the front door. Her parents must’ve figured she’d be home late, and left the light to welcome her.

Her entire body was freezing as she got out of her winter wear. She was careful when she got up the stairs, after locking the door and turning of the light, of course. Shuhua was afraid her steps would wake anyone, especially when she walked down the hall to her best friend’s room. 

Not only did she have Yuqi to worry about, she had Soyeon as well. And she had no idea of how easily Soyeon woke up. The only reference she had was a sleepover years ago when the girl seemed to wake up before anyone else. And that wasn’t much to go by.

The door cracked as she opened it, so she stopped for a second before continuing in. 

Yuqi had her back turned to the door, laying on her side, while Soyeon laid with her body the same direction as Yuqi. There was a distance between them, and they had different pillows and covers. 

Shuhua knew sleeping on the side made it slightly harder to breathe, so she quietly sneaked around in the room, to Yuqi’s side. The taiwanese gently turned the other girl to her back, stopped herself when Soyeon moved, and then continued with pulling the duvet over Yuqi’s entire body so she wouldn’t freeze.

This was normal stuff she would’ve done if they slept in the same room, but someone had taken her spot.

Shuhua didn’t give them a second look before sneaking out.

Her own room was nowhere as colourful as Yuqi’s room, which was just the result of years of spending nearly no time in it. 

As she slammed down on the uncomfortable bed, she brought up her phone to her face. She remembered the several texts Soojin has sent her. 

As Shuhua proffered talking, she called the girl, instead of having to read through everything she’d said. But she was only met with three beeps, no tired greeting. As she tried to call again, the same thing happened.

Soojin was a night owl. There was no chance she already was asleep. Especially not since Shuhua hadn’t answered her again.

But maybe it was a rough day, and Soojin was especially tired. She didn’t answer the third time Shuhua called either, so the taiwanese concluded that her theory was right.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> what is Soojin up to now?
> 
> thanks for all the support i get! i can’t describe how much i appreciate it! thank you thank you thank you!
> 
> also, most people said yes. so yes it is.
> 
> twitter: @elisaandpeggy


	9. Love your back may you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve realised that some people may want to ask questions and such, but do it anonymously, so i made a CuriousCat account. here’s the link: https://curiouscat.qa/elisaandpeggy . my user is @elisaandpeggy. i will answer the questions on my twitter which is the same username, @elisaandpeggy.
> 
> WARNINGS: abortion, description of underweight.
> 
> also, updating schedule is now mondays, thursday and saturdays/sundays. i usually finish the chapters after midnight, so a monday update would be on the night to tuesday. also, i’m going by my time, but maybe you know by now when the chapters usually are up.

*

Soojin had always been bad at listening to others’ advice. She believed that what she thought was right, most definitely was right. She knew herself the best, after all.

But right now, as she woke up with a killing headache, feeling the strange sheets against her entire body, she figured maybe sometimes it was for the better to listen to others.

The mixture of alcohol, cologne and sweat was soaring through her nostrils. It smelled so strongly that it only made Soojin’s headache worse.

Beside her was the guy from last night, sleeping deeply with his arms thrown towards her. The duvet only went up to his waist, exposing his chest, which looked the same as it did three years ago. 

The female dancer looked down at herself, and saw her own exposed chest. She noticed a mark or two, and silently scoffed to herself as she’d let it happen. 

She felt the naked skin of her entire body meeting the mattress. How her undressed leg was resting between Hui’s ones, his hands on her bare waist. The stickiness between them made her not want to move, as that could wake him up.

Soojin screamed at herself in her head. She threw a silent tantrum, raising her hands to her head and rubbing hard circles into her head.

In a rapid but careful motion, she untangled their legs, moved away his hands and stood up. The pain in her head and lower region only grew heavier.

Her clothes were thrown all over the floor, and she felt nothing else than gross as she put them on top of the man’s liquids on her body. 

She was lucky Hui’s dorm mate wasn’t home, otherwise she would’ve sneaked around two men wearing absolutely nothing.

The dancer didn’t linger any longer in there than she had to, and instead quickly hurried to her own dorm, screaming at herself on the way there.

When Hui walked up to her next time,  
she’d have to acknowledge that she’s one of those who run away before the other wake up. Well, at least she had an excuse. She had to get to the bus station before her bus leaves.

*  
*  
*

The math problem was killing every braincell Yuqi thought she had in her head. And it didn’t help that Soyeon was lurking over her shoulder.

Her presence made Yuqi want to throw herself out the window, but she also wanted to hold the shorter closer than anyone ever had. 

Soyeon had been through so much more than she could ever imagine. She didn’t even know a quarter of it. But Soojin did. Soojin knew everything. Soyeon told Soojin everything there is to know about her. She told Soojin, but she didn’t tell Yuqi.

When the older’s hand reached to touch Yuqi’s short, brown hair, the younger immediately shifted away before glaring at her.

“Don’t.” she warned between her teeth. “It’s gross.”

The older had a never ending smile on her face, which didn’t disappoint now either. 

“It’s cute.” she said, and tried to reach for it again.

Yuqi shifted away while grabbing Soyeon’s wrist, sending her another glare.   
Although Soyeon was a small girl with small arms, Yuqi’s fingers looked like a child’s. And her nails were weak, often broken, as the skin around it was dry enough to flake. 

The older girl’s eyes traveled up the arm, eyeing the stick that was the bony body part, seeing the extra hair that had been growing to protect Yuqi from the cold as there was no fat to do so. The t-shirt she was wearing was so much bigger than her upper body, hiding the pointy shoulder underneath. Even her neck was skinny, showing Soyeon the veins going up. Her skin was less pink, and more grey. Blue at some places too.

Yuqi chased back her attention when she let go of her arm.

“Stop staring at me.” she said and turned her head. “I know I’m ugly.”

The younger girl grabbed her pen again and started scribbling in the paper, while Soyeon’s smile slowly disappeared from her lips.

The Song Yuqi called herself a negative word? Yuqi was the embodiment of ‘self love is the best love’, how come she acted like this now?

“You’re pretty.” Soyeon stated, causing the other to chuckle while keeping her head in her book. “I mean it.”

The korean reached her hand to Yuqi’s face, trying to get her to turn to her, but failing as Yuqi kept her head down.

“Please look at me, Woogi.” she said, and Yuqi reluctantly turned her head.

They met eyes, and Soyeon smiled again. She held her hand out. The chinese looked at it at first, before grabbing the soft skin and instantly being pulled up towards the corner of the room.

Beside the nearly untouched guitar was a full body mirror, which Yuqi only used when she had to. Before, she would often watch her reflection in it just because she could, but never now.

It was a natural instinct to keep her eyes away from it, and it wasn’t any different this time. But Soyeon had placed herself behind Yuqi, placing her head on the hard shoulder and an arm around the tiny waist. The other one was tilting the chinese’s head towards the mirror.

Soyeon watched as Yuqi’s eyes traveled from the floor up to her face. 

“I’m-“ the younger started saying as she bit down on her jaw.

“You’re beautiful.” Soyeon finished for her.  
“Do you see these pretty, brown eyes? This strong, brown hair? Your rosy cheeks? How about your bright-red lips?”

The older girl felt Yuqi’s head falling closer to her, as she squeezed a little tighter.

“You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever met, Woogi.” the older dared to say. “Even if you’ve lost your baby fat.”

The younger chuckled as she heard the last part, before bringing her hands up to the arm Soyeon had around her, and squeezing the skin. Soyeon smiled at her through the mirror, making a faint smile appear on Yuqi as well.

She turned her head a little more, to look look at Soyeon without the mirror as a berrier. The older smiled widely, looking at Yuqi through the mirror. The chinese girl watched as Soyeon lowered her head, and pressed her lips against the fabric of the shirt.

Yuqi didn’t expect to feel shivers travelling up her entire back, but she did, and she liked it. Neither did she expect the hair to raise on her arms.

Maybe she had missed Soyeon as much as the older claimed to have missed her?

*  
*  
*

“Are you entirely sure about this?” Miyeon asked, hands on the steering wheel as she looked at the building in front of them.

She seemed to tremble more, as Minnie simply undid her seatbelt and reached for the door handle, until she noticed Miyeon’s furrowed eyebrows and wide eyes.

“I could go in by myself, you know.” she said, looking at the older.

Miyeon looked back at her and shook her head. 

“No, I told you I’d help you.” she said, and undid her seatbelt as well. “I’ll help you.”

Minnie bit her lip, before nodding.

The building looked like any other big building. There were multiple floors and rooms. Seven floors could be chosen in the elevator, they were going to number three. 

There was a dentist inside one of the doors. The room was filled with several people waiting to get their teeth checked. 

The room they were walking towards had a blue door, with a simple paper on it. Minnie read the characters, and nodded to Miyeon as a last clarification. 

There were more people than Miyeon thought there would be. Most girls were alone, but some were accompanied by angry parents or tense boyfriends. 

Minnie went to go sit down, but Miyeon stopped her as she’d noticed the smiling woman on the desk in front of them. The older grabbed the thai by the arm and walked over to her.

“Hello, ladies.” the middle-aged woman smiled. “Have you booked a time?”

“Yes.” Miyeon answered. “Last week.”

“Great.” her hands moved to the keyboard. “Name?”

“Kim Minnie.” the younger answered.

“May I have your ID?”

Minnie looked to Miyeon, who shrugged with a frown.

“I don’t... have one.” the thai muttered.

”I see.” the receptionist said, sounding like it was nothing big. “Does your friend have one?”

“I do.” the korean started digging up the ID-card from her bag, and quickly placed it on the desk.

The older woman took a single fast look, before nodding.

“Can you clarify that this is Kim Minnie?” she then asked.

“Yes.” Miyeon nodded.

“Great.” the receptionist smiled again. “You two can sit down and wait for our doctor to call your name.”

Both girls nodded and walked to sit down by the mad parents and worried boyfriends.

For a place performing these kinds of procedures, it looked a little too homey. There were paintings on the walls around them, and the walls were painted blue. In the middle of the room was a table covered in different newspapers, and on each side of the room was different couches in orange. 

Miyeon and Minnie sat on the end of a couch that had a couple on the other end. The boyfriends had an arm on the girlfriend’s leg as they talked quietly to each other.

Minnie rested her head against the wall, breath slow and steady as she played with her thumbs. Miyeon, on the other hand, felt her heart beating quickly and strongly. 

She eyes the homey paintings and the soft cushions of the couches, looked over to the receptionist who still smiled, and then to Minnie who had closed her eyes beside her.

“Doesn’t this seem a little sketchy?” she whispered to the younger who just shrugged.

Miyeon figured Minnie probably wasn’t in the state for talking right now, so she continued to look around the room instead.

She couldn’t do it for long though, as a man in a white rock called Minnie’s name within a few minutes.

They both stood up and were lead into a hallway, and eventually into a white room. There was a hospital bed in the middle, a desk with a computer in one corner, and a chair in the other. There was also a tray of different tools on a shelf. All were long and pointy. Miyeon didn’t want to look at them.

He explained how everything would be done, before giving Minnie a glass of water and a few pills. He watched as the thai swallowed them, before leaving the room to let Miyeon and Minnie wait alone until they started working, which he said would be in around twenty minutes.

Minnie sat down on the bed, and Miyeon soon sat down beside her. The younger brought her head to Miyeon’s shoulder, as they waited out the time quietly.

After twenty minutes, Minnie had started mumbling nonsense Miyeon couldn’t understand. She wasn’t sure if the girl even was speaking Korean anymore.

“How are we feeling?” the doctor asked.

Minnie brought her hand forward and made a thumbs up as she smiled with bunny teeth and crescent eyes.

“I think she’s ready.” Miyeon answered for her, and the man nodded with a faint smile.

Miyeon was allowed to stay in the room, while several more people joined the first man. Minnie had been given a mask to make her sleep even deeper.

The korean could only watch Minnie’s peaceful face as the people were running around her for twenty minutes. 

It was over so much quicker than she thought it would be, but she felt such relief when they took the mask away from Minnie’s face that she couldn’t think of anything else than wanting her Minnie to wake up.

The thai opened her eyes after another couple of minutes, with big pupils and an even bigger smile.

“Hi, Miyeonie.” was the first thing she said.

“Hi.” Miyeon said back and moved her chair a little closer. 

The people had left some time ago, to let Minnie wake up in peace.

“Have you been here for long?” the girl was clearly drugged as she slurred on the few words she got out.

“As long as you’ve been here.” Miyeon answered with a chuckle.

“Hm...” Minnie said and shifted slightly. “My body feels weird.”

“It’s okay, Min.” Miyeon smiled. “You’ll feel better soon.”

“I want ice cream.” Miyeon barely got to finish her sentence before Minnie worded her thoughts. 

*  
*  
*

Yuqi shifted as she felt the cold metal meet her bare skin. Shuhua and her doctor of several years watched her chest intensely, while she tried not to think of her chest bones poking out. 

“You said you’re easily out of breath?” he asked.

“Yes-“

“She can’t even walk down the stairs before she starts panting.” Shuhua cut her off.

The doctor motioned for Yuqi to open her mouth, which she did. He studied down her throat with a think flashlight, before shifting away from her.

“Does it feel like you have a lot of additional phlegm in your throat?” he asked, already moving away from her towards his desk.

“I don’t know.” Yuqi answered. “It’s just hard to breathe sometimes.”

The man nodded and tapped his finger against his chin.

“I’m going to give you some medicine that will reduce any additional mucus, how does that sound?”

Yuqi wasn’t sure her parents could afford any more pills, and she wasn’t sure she would be able to endure all of them. She couldn’t even remember how many she took a day.

“That sounds good.” Shuhua answered before she could speak.

“Great.” he smiled and moved his eyes along his screen and his hand on his mouse. “Other than your breathing, everything seems to be like it should. I must however ask you to start slowly adding to your diet, otherwise we will have to give you drops during your checkups.”

“I understand.” the chinese nodded.

“Good.” he smiled as he looked at her. “You can grab your new medicine in the reception, as well as a new pack of some old ones. Is there anything else?”

Yuqi shifted uncomfortably before clearing her throat. She eyed Shuhua, who looked up at her with a worried expression.

“Um...” she started. “I’ve been worrying about this in the past but... well... I don’t know if you remember but a couple of years ago we came here in the middle of the night when I couldn’t breathe...”

“I remember.” he nodded.

“Well, I know you’ve said it’s because of the alcohol, but...” she bit her lip as she felt the heat creep up her neck. “When I was even younger, me and, I don’t know if you know him but... me and Lucas, who has the same diagnosis that I have, kissed and we both ended up at the hospital. Then that night when I couldn’t breathe, I’d also kissed someone so I kind of were wondering if... if it is dangerous to kiss or if that’s just what me and my family have made up?”

She realised she hadn’t taken a single breath through her rambling, as she had to take a deep one as soon as the last word left her mouth.

“You’ve just been unlucky.” he smiled. “Kissing shouldn’t trigger anything, unless someone is carrying a bacteria.”

Yuqi nodded.

“As long as your boyfriend is healthy, I see no problem.” he gave her ‘that’ look, the one parents give their kids when they tell them about a crush.

Yuqi simply nodded again, before he led them out of the room.

The two young girls picked up the medicine and sat down by the bikes outside to wait for their dad. 

The chinese studied her new pack, as Shuhua glared at her. She didn’t even have to ask about the cause for the glaring.

“So what? she scoffed. “Are you thinking of kissing Soyeon?”

“I don’t know.” Yuqi decided to answer. “Maybe it’s just for future reference.”

The younger scoffed again, while Yuqi smiled to herself.

“You can’t blame me for wanting to kiss people when you’re going out with your girlfriend later.”

Shuhua glared at her again.

“One,” she started, “she’s not my girlfriend. Two, we’ve never kissed.”

“Interesting how both those two things are changeable.”

*  
*  
*

It was already dark when Soojin got to town, even though it still was afternoon. Walking over the streets to her house was a journey, as she had to catch herself from slipping on the ice each step she took. But eventually, she reached the family house that hadn’t changed at all over the years.

She still had a key to the door, which surprised her as she seemed to have been erased from the family completely. The only time she was acknowledged was when she went home to visit her siblings. Miyeon seemed to be a bigger part of the family than she ever was. But that wasn’t very strange, Miyeon was the only cousin. Soojin was just an older sister, and there was already another one.

Yejin was always more of a centre-of-attention person when they were younger. Soojin didn’t care, because she was as far from it as one could get. Yejin played instruments of all kinds, she read books, she was in a constant happy-state and she was the smartest person Soojin had ever met. Of course Yejin was put in the centre. And when she got sick, she received even more attention, which Soojin saw as natural. Everyone walked around everyday and worried about Yejin, and forgot the older sister. Then, Yejin healed, and she could go back to her spotlight. Soojin moved out during that time, meaning the little amount of attention she’d gotten went to Yejin.   
But Soojin was fine with all of it. She didn’t care if her mom never showed up at the shows she did with her college, or that her mom’s husband never made an effort to even talk to her. 

The only person who was aware she was coming home was her younger sister. So Soojin wasn’t surprised when her mother looked like she’d seen a ghost as she watched her daughter by the door. 

“Hi mom.” she said, but didn’t give her any more than a glance.

“Welcome home, honey.” the mother said, wondering if she should embrace her daughter or not.

She ended up awkwardly putting a hand on Soojin’s shoulder, before backing away.

“Is Miyeon coming?” her mom’s voice was light and quiet.

“No.” Soojin answered as she took off her jacket. “Is Yejin home? Where’s Yechul and Yecha?”

“The twins are out with their father but Yejin is upstairs.” she answered.

Soojin didn’t say another thing before she hurried up the stairs to her younger’s sisters room. 

As usual, Yejin was reading a book. Which one, Soojin had no idea. She read several books with fancy covers nowadays, and Soojin had no interest in learning about them. 

The younger sister looked up when she heard the door crack.

“Hi!” she said and flew up and instantly hugged her older sister. “I didn’t hear you coming.”

They were almost the same height now, and Yejin had grown so much healthier that anyone would think they were twins. Their faces resembled each other, only that Yejin had more of their mother’s looks while Soojin was the black sheep of the family. Plus, Yejin wore a heavy eyeliner instead of read lips.

“I just got here.” Soojin said.

They both walked to Yejin’s bed, to have the usual sister-chat.

“Woogi told me Soyeon’s home.” the younger said, resting her back against the wall.

“She is.” Soojin smiled. “I’m worried about her staying in town but she said she wasn’t going out so it should be fine.”

“Is she and Woogi back together?”

“I don’t know.” Soojin shrugged. “Maybe later. Not right now.”

“But they still like each other, right?” the younger asked with a grin.

“Yes, definitely.” the dancer answered. “Soyeon does maybe a bit more, but there’s definitely something happening in Yuqi’s heart.”

“I knew it!” Yejin exclaimed. “She’s so obvious.”

Soojin chuckled.

“Minnie’s home too.” she then said. “Well, home in Seoul. She’s staying with Miyeon.”

“What about Kwan?” the younger frowned.

“I have absolutely no idea what’s going on between the two of them.” Soojin shook her head. “I hope it’s nothing more than friendship but it doesn’t look like that on Miyeon’s face. Not to mention Minnie’s.”

The both of them chuckled.

“So the high school couples are back together?” Yejin asked between her laughs.

Soojin’s face fell for a second, before she looked right up again and smiled.

“I guess so.” she said. “Have you visited dad anything lately?”

“Oh, yeah.” she smiled. “I was just there last week. He told me to tell you to visit him and that he misses you.” 

Soojin smiled. After everything, she still had her dad by her side.

“He’s doing great though.” the younger continued. “They even gave him a job in the kitchen.”

The dancer’s smile only widened as she listened more to Yejin talking about their father. The majority of her family couldn’t care less about her, but she still had three family members on her side, and several close friends. For her, maybe that was close to all she needed.

*  
*  
*

Soojin was going to take a walk over to the Song household to hang out with the other three. Well, two since Shuhua probably was on that date she talked about.  
She didn’t need to see Shuhua anyways.

But halfway there, she noticed two figures laughing as they walked up the streets. Their hands were wrapped together, causing Soojin to bite her lower lip. She didn’t need a second to figure out who that laugh belonged to.

She wondered if she should interfere with them or not, but Shuhua made the decision for her.

“Soojin!” she screamed over the road, before her feet quickly moved towards the dancer, pulling Munhee with her.

The taiwanese let go of her date and wrapped her arms around Soojin in a tight hug. The older couldn’t help but smile to herself, and meet Munhee’s eyes when she did. She saw the confusion in the other girl’s face, which only caused her to smile a little wider.

Munhee had to clear her throat before Shuhua remembered her and let go of the dancer.

“JinJin, this is Munhee.” Shuhua introduced with a bright smile.

Soojin decided to be as kind as she could, and reached out her hand for the other to shake. Munhee seemed to be thinking the same thing as Soojin, as she grabbed the hand with a crooked smile.

“She’s the one I was talking to on the phone.” Shuhua smiled.

The dancer noticed how Munhee’s eyes went from her to Shuhua, and then back to her. She must’ve noticed the way it glimmered in the taiwanese’s eyes when she looked at Soojin, as she frowned. 

“Nice to meet you.” the stranger girl said before letting go of Soojin’s hand.

“Are you on your way to see Yuqi?” Shuhua asked.

“Yuqi and Soyeon.”

“Okay, well, I’ll be home soon.” the taiwanese said, and Soojin looked over to Munhee who frowned even more. “You could wait for me there so we could hang out, if you want to.”

“I could.” 

“Please do.”

“Maybe.”

“Shuhua.” Munhee called for her attention. “Should we get going?”

Soojin watched as she widened her eyes and pulled slightly on Shuhua’s arm to get back her full attention.

“Uh-yeah.” Shuhua eyed her. “I’ll see you later, JinJin.”

They stood still, Shuhua’s eyes on Soojin, before Munhee pulled them away.

Soojin smiled faintly to herself as she continued towards the house. 

The taiwanese turned around to watch the dancer go, before Munhee pulled on her arm once more. Shuhua smiled towards her and grabbed the other’s hand.

“So, Soojin, huh?” Munhee stated.

If Shuhua was a little more attentive she would’ve noticed how Munhee nearly scoffed, but she didn’t.

“What about her?” the taiwanese asked.

“Do you have any, like, history with her... or something?” the girl older asked carefully.

“Oh, um...” 

Shuhua had thought it was too early telling her about the two of them before. It wasn’t like they were dating before or anything, but Soojin still was an important part of Shuhua’s life. And Shuhua still liked her in a whole different way than how she liked her friends.

“No.” she said. “We’re friends.”

If Munhee believed her or not, Shuhua didn’t know, as she kept her eyes on the ground instead of at the girl beside her. Her globes would’ve given it away otherwise.

*  
*  
*

“Is it good?” Miyeon asked, eyeing the popsicle Minnie was eating.

“Mhm.” the younger said with a wide smile.

Despite having been through a procedure just hours ago, the girl was noticeably calm and happy. Her smile was wide and bright. Miyeon wondered if it was even real.

“How are you feeling?” the older asked as she eyes the road, putting her own popsicle in her mouth.

Minnie shrugged.

“I’ve got some cramps but it’s nothing too bad.”

Miyeon nodded.

She soon pulled up by the parking lot outside the apartment building. The streetlights shined against the ice on the ground as the two made their way in. 

The older noticed how Minnie squeezed her face together and bit down on her jaw. 

“Are you okay?” Miyeon asked, putting her hand on Minnie’s back to hold her up.

The thai nodded, but it was obvious that it wasn’t true. Her entire face and body screamed that it hurt. She could barely take a step without whimpering.

Miyeon helped her to the door and into the apartment, where Kwan was waiting by the stove with a pot of something red.

“There you are!” he exclaimed as he saw the two enter. “I’ve been calling you for hours, Miyeon. Where were you?”

The girl ignored him as she helped Minnie to the bathroom instead.

“Miyeon?” Kwan asked, turning to the two.

Said girl walked out of the bathroom a couple of minutes later, with the sound of a bathtub being filled in the background.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, ditching the food he was cooking to embrace her.

“It’s fine.” Miyeon answered and put her head on his chest. “She’s just a little sick.”

He brushed his hands along her back to calm her tense body.

“Do you wanna vent about it?” he asked calmly.

She chuckled before shaking her head.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Miyeon said as she kissed the t-shirt on his chest.

She’d never before reflected on the weird feeling she got in her stomach as her lips touched him. But now, it was so evident that she couldn’t ignore it.

She pulled away from his hug and instead walked towards the pot he seemed to have forgotten.

“Do you know when she’s moving out?” he asked as he followed her but grabbed the plate instead of joining her by the food.

“What do you mean?”

He placed the plates on the table and continued to grab the glasses.

“She’s living off of my money and I barely know her.” he said, Miyeon’s eyes went to his direction as she frowned. “It’s okay for me if she stays until she’s settled in town but I don’t want her to find a constant home here. This is our home.”

Kwan spoke his words clear and loud, loud enough for Miyeon to worry that Minnie heard him. And he wore a frown of his own. Smaller than hers, but still noticeable.

“She has nowhere to go.” Miyeon stated, continuing to stir around the sauce.

“I just said she can stay until she’s settled, I just don’t want her to get her hopes up.” he said.

“Well I want her to stay here.” the girl placed down the wooden spoon and turned around to fully face him.

He put down the last glass, and stood up straight as well.

“Miyeon, you know that won’t work.”

“Why won’t it work?” she shrugged before crossing her arms.

“Well one, she can’t life off our money like I already said.” he started and crossed his arms as well. “Two, I know she’s got a husband, I’ve seen the ring. I won’t ask what happened but I don’t want you to get pulled into it-“

“I’m already-“

“Miyeon.” he warned, making her fall silent with an eye roll. “Three, I don’t think it’s good for you to handle all this stress. You know, with the baby and all.”

He watched as Miyeon’s head fell with a sigh.

“What?” he asked, feeling his muscles tense. “Is something wrong with the baby?”

She took a deep breath, before lifting up her head. His eyes were big, deep and worried. 

“There is no baby.” she said quietly.

“What?” he frowned.

“I took another test, it came out negative.” it was just lie on lie now, but what else could she do?

“Let’s take more.” he insisted, already walking towards her.

He put his hands on her shoulders, but she shifted away from him.

“There is no baby.” she repeated, watching as his face fell completely.

Miyeon saw small water drops forming in his eyes. If she’d known her lie would’ve hurt him this bad, she would never have said it. But it was for Minnie she did it, she had to repeat to herself.

He reached out for her, and she put her arms around him as he placed his head on her shoulder. She felt the warm water hit her skin, but all she could think about was the guilt she felt. 

In the other room was Minnie, who she wanted to keep as close to her as possible, and in her arms was Kwan, who she didn’t want to loose.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> who is your favourite side character?
> 
> twitter: @elisaandpeggy  
> curiouscat: @elisaandpeggy  
> (i answer my curiouscat messages on twitter)
> 
> please enjoy the chapter, stay safe and take some rest after this stressful day.


	10. Open your eyes to water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to post this as quickly as possible as a distraction from whatever has happened the last two days. plus, this chapter is the raise of two pairings, so maybe that could get you in a better mood. enjoy!
> 
> WARNINGS: smut, description of underweight.
> 
> fiery scene coming up 😳
> 
> twitter: @elisaisokiswear  
> curiouscat: @imokipromise

*

Instead of going home after school, Shuhua decided to take a trip to the family house further up the road. Soojin wasn’t there last night like she said she would, so Shuhua wanted to know what all that was about. Plus, she’d promised Soojin that they would hang out today.

The door opened after a couple of knocks, and the dancer was the one inside the door. But she didn’t have the faint smile she usually had. No, her expression was stone cold and her arms crossed over her chest.

“Hi.” Shuhua tried to sound as bright as possible, but it was evident that she wasn’t. “You weren’t there when I got home.”

“You came home late.” the other shrugged.

Shuhua took a step forward, into the house, and closed the door behind her.

“I’m sorry.” she said as she pulled her warm clothes of. “I lost track of time.”

Soojin only nodded before walking away, making the other follow her. They walked straight up to the room that used to be Soojin’s, but now was a guest room.

The taiwanese watched as the other walked with hard steps, and how every movement was rapid.

“Why are you mad?” she dared to ask over Soojin’s shoulder. 

”I’m not mad.” the other answered and sat down on the guest bed.

Shuhua sat down in front of her, and watched as the other refrained form eye contact.

“Yes, you are.” the younger stated. “Is it because of Munhee?” 

It could be the reason, right? Soojin wasn’t very giddy when she met Munhee yesterday, and she wasn’t very happy when Shuhua talked about Munhee in the first place. 

“Of course not.” the dancer answered between her teeth.

“It is.” Shuhua now knew it for certain.

Soojin felt the slight panic hit her as Shuhua looked at her with a childish grin. Damn Soojin non-existent ability to lie.

The korean saw two outcomes of this situation.  
One, the younger thinks Soojin sees her as someone too you to date, and should therefore not be with Munhee.  
Two, Shuhua thinks Soojin likes her in another way than friendship, and ends whatever she has with Munhee.  
Both results in what Soojin wants, but both would also hurt Shuhua.

Then, what could she do to save it?

“Well, I slept with Hui anyways.” she said.

She regretted it the second the words left her mouth.

“You what?” the younger girl raised her voice and stood up. “Don’t you remember how he treated you?”

“He’s changed.” Soojin shrugged.

“Yeah, right.” Shuhua scoffed.

The dancer bit her lip before standing up as well. Her being taller that Shuhua was good in moments like these.

“Why do you care, anyways?” she asked.

“Why do I care?” the younger repeated, but with much more angst in her voice than the older had. “Why do I care? ‘Cause we’re friends, Soojin! And I’ve seen what he did to you before! I’m not gonna stand by and watch it happen again!”

Soojin swallowed hardly, but she couldn’t let those words get to her.

“You have Munhee to care about now.” she said.

When Shuhua took in the words, it looked like she was about to laugh. Her eyebrows raised and her mouth fell open in a kind-of-grin. Then, she shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“I don’t get you.” the younger said in disbelief. “I really don’t get you.”

Soojin didn’t hear another word from her, as she’d left the room.

*  
*  
*

“How are you feeling?” Miyeon asked, walking up to the couch with a cup in her hand.

She placed it down on the table, and sat down by Minnie’s side. The younger scooted further to the side of the bed, to give Miyeon more place. 

“It’s okay.” Minnie reassured through the pain of her lower belly.

Miyeon gave her a faint smile. She started moving her hand slowly and calmly over the others stomach, before leaning in and pecking her lips. But the younger turned her head to the side, making Miyeon frown.

“What’s up?” the older asked, turning her frown into a worried expression.

Minnie lowered her eyes. Miyeon could see how she bit her jaw and blinked rapidly, but the tears still made it out.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” the korean said as she sat down on the floor by Minnie’s face, and grabbed it with both hands.

The younger continued to sob, reaching her arms out for Miyeon, to which the older obeyed her and wrapped her own arm around her.

She felt Minnie shaking from the silent crying, so she squeezed her a little tighter and kissed the skin closest to her.

“Babe.” it slipped out of her mouth, and she didn’t even think much of it.

That was until Minnie lifted herself and glared at Miyeon. The older leaned back as she furrowed her eyebrows.

“What?” she asked, eyeing the tears that were drying on Minnie’s face.

“You can’t call me babe.” she said between her teeth. “I’m not your babe. He’s your babe.”

Miyeon bit her inner cheek.

“Min-“ she tried.

“I don’t want this.” the younger mumbled.

“Huh?”

Minnie’s frown grew even greater.

“I said,” she dried the last tears away from her eyes, “I don’t want this.”

Miyeon started frowning as well, while trying to bring her hand to Minnie’s shoulder, but the younger shifted away.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I don’t...” Minnie shook her head as she tried to make sense of all her thoughts. “You- You can’t have both of us, Miyeon.”

Miyeon’s hands fell down onto her lap, her eyes with them. She swallowed hardly and bit her inner lip again. She only looked up when she felt her eyelids flicker.

“I’m not gonna ask you to choose.” the tears started welling out Minnie’s eyes again, but she quickly cried them away with the bag of her hand. “So I’m gonna make it easy for you and just leave.”

The older’s mouth opened in disbelief. She felt her breathing getting harder and her eyes wanting to water even more. She had to bite her cheek even harder to keep the tears in.

“You didn’t deserve me coming and messing up you life when you already had it all planned.” the thai said, still focused on saying everything right. “And Kwan doesn’t deserve whatever is going on between the two of us.”

Miyeon watched as Minnie nodded, and finally looked up deep into her eyes. She seemed to have said everything she wanted to say, but it was so far from what Miyeon wanted to hear that she couldn’t place the sentences together.

“You’re engaged and here I come thinking I still have a place in your new life.” Minnie chuckled to herself in disbelief. “You’ve moved on, and so should I.”

“No.” Miyeon spoke up, and she did it sharply, catching the other’s attention. “I’ve not moved on. I love you, and we belong together.”

She tried to reach for Minnie’s shoulder again, and wasn’t pushed away this time. The thai had however lowered her head, but as Miyeon placed their foreheads against each other, Minnie looked into her eyes.

“You hear me?” Miyeon asked. “I love you, okay? I choose you, everyday.”

*  
*  
*

Yuqi was just placing down her pen, and Soyeon waking up from her daydreaming state, when the younger turned around in her swirling chair to look at the other.

Soyeon sat expectant on the bed, waiting for whatever would leave Yuqi’s mouth.

“Um...” the chinese started in a not-so-very-strong way. “So, I’ve been thinking.”

The older nodded and scooted closer to the edge of the mattress.

“I, uh, think that maybe you still like me.” her cheeks reddened as she said the sentence.

Soyeon thought she looked adorable when she blushed, so she just smiled at the younger.

“Yes.” she said, plain, quick and true.

Yuqi blushed even more. She tried to say something but the word got caught in her throat. She had to clear it before being able to speak, causing Soyeon to chuckle.

“Well...” the younger stood up from the chair and flopped down on the bed, just in front of Soyeon. “I want to try something.”

The younger looked determined, yet unsure. Her eyes were sharp and her brows a bit furrowed, but she had lowered her chin, making her look like a puppy.

“I want to try and kiss you.”

Soyeon’s eyes widened and her mouth opened in disbelief. Of course she wanted to, but she’d never expect the younger to want it as well. Not yet at least.

Yuqi noticed the girl’s expression right away.

“Just because maybe I like you too but I don’t know for sure so I thought that if I kiss you then I’ll probably figure it out but only if you want to-“

“I want to.” Soyeon cut her off. “But we can’t. Last time, you almost died.”

“No, no, no.” Yuqi answered quickly. “That wasn’t because of the kiss. It was because of the alcohol.”

The older’s eyes widened even more.

“Really?” she asked, still in disbelief.

She’d blamed herself for what happened for years, but none of it was her fault.

“Really.” the younger stated. “I can kiss people as long as we’re not sick.”

Soyeon felt like a little girl again. She wanted to go away and snicker in a corner. Take a few happy leaps around the house and calm herself with some cold water in her face. She could feel the flowers blooming inside her, and the butterflies flying in her belly.

“Okay.” she said, and scooted closer, followed by Yuqi who did the same.

Their knees knocked against each other when Soyeon brought her hand up to Yuqi’s chin. They looked deep into each other’s eyes, before Soyeon’s went down to Yuqi’s lips. The red skin was slightly open, letting out trembling, heavy breaths. It watered in Soyeon’s mouth as she looked at her.

When the older started leaning in, Yuqi could just hope that she was going to feel something. If not, this was just giving Soyeon’s false hopes.

The korean carefully placed her lower lip on Yuqi’s lips, sending shockwaves to the both of them. Then, her upper lip touched Yuqi, and another shockwave was sent. Soyeon managed to get Yuqi’s lips to be still with her own. She noticed how the entire body of Yuqi’s was still, not moving a centimetre.

The older pulled away, and looked at Yuqi’s reddened face. But she didn’t get a long look, as the younger pushed their faces together again. 

Now, the younger was determined and started moving her lips. She captured Soyeon’s between her own, sucked on it, before letting go to take the other one.

It was evident that Yuqi hadn’t been kissing anyone, and it made Soyeon even giddier. But she hadn’t kissed anyone either, so they were at the same level of knowledge.

It took Soyeon a minute to react before she started moving as well. Yuqi had tilted her head to the side, giving the older all place she needed. 

The chinese’s hands were resting on Soyeon’s arms, which were holding both sides of Yuqi’s face.

Soon enough, she felt the younger open her mouth. Soyeon didn’t need a guide to tell her what comes next. 

She poked her tongue forwards, and it was quickly swallowed by Yuqi’s mouth. Their deepened kiss continued for a minute, before both smiled too wide to be able to continue.

Soyeon rested her forehead against Yuqi’s forehead as she looked down at the lips and lightly played with it with her finger.

Yuqi’s breath was heavier than her own, but the younger was still the first to laugh. The korean soon followed as their breathing met each other.

The younger leaned forward to press their lips together in a peck, before pulling away from Soyeon’s grip. She turned her head to the side, and pointed at her neck. Her eyes were closed before Soyeon even had leaned forward, and her finger tapped repeatedly.

A chuckle escaped the older’s mouth, before she connected her lips to the younger’s neck. She gently pecked the skin, before tracing the kisses up to her ear. Yuqi whimpered the second her lip touched the body part, making Soyeon remembered a similar situation from years ago.

“Right.” she said breathily. “Sensitive ears.”

Yuqi hit her shoulder lightly, before pulling herself back on the bed, and letting her back meet the mattress. Soyeon followed her, still with her lips connected to Yuqi’s neck.

The worries the younger had before of not feeling anything... well they were out the window.

*  
*  
*

“Why does this feel like three years ago all over again?”

Soojin looked up from the sheets after several minutes of just staring at them. She couldn’t process what she was feeling, but she knew none of them were positive.

Yejin sat down beside her, and put a hand on her shoulder.

“How much did you hear?” the older sister asked.

“Just about everything.” she shrugged, causing Soojin to chuckle at her bluntness.

“Then you heard about Hui.”

“I did.” she nodded.

Soojin followed her nodding. 

“Can I say what I’m thinking?” Yejin asked, to which Soojin nodded. “Alright... Have you not grown up a single bit?”

Yejin’s voice turned to the scolding kind, but Soojin couldn’t really blame her.

“You like her, Soo.” Soojin felt something bite in her chest. “Just accept that.”

Soojin sat silently.

Her sister had claimed to be a genius, an expert. She knew everything there is to know from heaven to earth. Hell, she even knew all the names of the celestial bodies in our galaxy and outside. She had an answer to every situation coming her way, and it always turned out great in the end.

How come, Soojin couldn’t let herself believe what she was telling her?

The younger patted Soojin one last time, before sighing.

“I think you’re making a huge mistake, but I don’t have any say in your life.”

*  
*  
*

Shuhua should again go just home, but she couldn’t. Instead, she texted a contact in her phone to meet her at their spot.

She passed her house, and continued until she was at the turn, where she’d fallen on her but a little more than a week ago. The same girl who helped her up, was now standing there, waiting with a bittersweet smile. Shuhua had a feeling she knew what was coming.

“Hi.” the younger said as they hugged.

“I get to see you two days in a row, what an honour.” Munhee joked, causing them both to snicker the slightest bit.

Shuhua motioned for the street, to which they both started walking down. The younger felt the tension raising, but she couldn’t get herself to open her mouth.

“So...” Munhee must’ve noticed the tension as well. “What did you want to talk about?”

Shuhua took a deep breath. It was now or never. 

“I have to tell you something.” she said. “You know Soojin?”

Munhee continued to listen as she retold the entire history of the two girls on s. She started at the first time they saw each other, and didn’t stop until she’s told everything about today’s events. The other girl just nodded here and there, but mainly kept still and quiet. 

“I just... I felt like I had to tell you.” Shuhua said once she’d finished.

She carefully looked over to Munhee, who had a still gaze on the snow below them.

“Thank you for telling me.” she muttered, biting her lower lip.

“It feels like I’ve been lying to you.” Shuhua said.

“Don’t worry about it.” Munhee reassured as she looked up. “I guess... I was hoping for something that couldn’t be.”

Shuhua could only nod. She felt bad that’s she’d been leading the girl on as much as she had, but she thought she could handle it. The fact that Soojin’s words hit her as hard as they did, just shows that she most definitely couldn’t handle it.

“You love her.” Munhee said after a moment of silence. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’ve been trying desperately not to for the last three years.” Shuhua scoffed, but still smiled after to show the other she was t actually mad, just annoyed.

“I guess love’s not that easy.” the older girl commented.

“I guess so.” the younger agreed.

They walked in silence for a minute or so, before Shuhua turned to her with a faint smile.

“Can I walk you home?” she asked, to which the older nodded with the same kind of smile.

At least she’d tried. She’d tried.

*  
*  
*

Yuqi whimpered as Soyeon sucked on her earlobe. She probably had several red marks on her neck by now, but she couldn’t care less. She just wanted more. More of Soyeon, more of this feeling.

Soyeon’s moments were slow and sensible. She carefully pressed her lips against Yuqi’s neck, and smiled when she heard another one of the younger’s sounds.

“I want...” the younger started breathily, pulling Soyeon away from her neck. “I want to try something else.”

The older furrowed an eyebrow as Yuqi pushed her away. Yuqi then lifted herself up, as she kept her eye contact with the other. She took a deep breath, before reaching for the ends of her shirt, and slowly pulling it up.

Soyeon watched as the bones were revealed one after one. Yuqi was already thin three years ago, and now, there was little to nothing left. Her belly was completely flat, and her ribs poked out all the way up to her chest where the bones were revealed as well. 

Yuqi bit her lower lip as Soyeon studied upper body. She felt her lip starting to tremble again, before the older met her eyes and smiled. It wasn’t that smile Soyeon had been wearing all week. This was a softer one, one that said that everything was okay. 

Then, the older reached her hand to Yuqi’s cheek and squeezed the skin, before she lifted up her own hoodie.

Yuqi looked at her every move, and eyed the beautiful body in front of her. Soyeon always wore thick clothes. Yuqi couldn’t ever predict what she looked like underneath it, but not she had it all right there.

Soyeon looked down at her own arm, before resonating with herself, and reaching it towards Yuqi. 

At first, the chinese didn’t react too much. Then, she noticed the red and white lines covering the entire lower arm. There were both vertical and horizontal wounds and scars.

Yuqi studied it, before looking up at Soyeon with a frown. 

“It’s okay.” the older smiled.

She grabbed Yuqi’s bony hand, and brushed it along her arm. The younger continued looking into Soyeon’s eyes the entire time.

“It doesn’t hurt.” she said.

Yuqi nodded, before taking a second deep breath. She reached for the hem of her sweatpants, and pulled them off as well, surprising Soyeon as she did so.

The girl had a lot of bruises on her legs, and her skin was very pale. 

The younger looked at her up and down, before motioning for her to take her own pants off. The older nodded, and did as asked.

Yuqi laid back down on the bed, and held her hands out for Soyeon to follow her. The older carefully, and quite awkwardly, hovered above her, feeling too shy to press their bodies together.

“Have you done this before?” the younger asked, making Soyeon shake her head.

“You?”

“No.” she shook her head as well.

She placed her hands on Soyeon’s back, and the shorter leaned into her touch immediately. Yuqi started pressing the other towards her, feeling the skin of their legs up to their chests meet. 

Both blushed, but Soyeon hid hers by burying her head back in Yuqi’s neck, leaving soft kisses.  
She looked up just seconds later, and saw that the younger already had closed her eyes.

“Are we moving too quickly?” the older worried.

Yuqi turned her head to her and opened her eyes. 

“I don’t think so.” she answered.

Life had been going so slowly for Yuqi the last three years, while everyone around her seemed to move at a rapid speed. She longed to catch up to them, but taking one step at a time was good enough. Taking those steps with Soyeon sounded even better.

“I want this.” she said. “If you don’t, then I understand, but don’t want you to stop because you’re worried about me.”

If Soyeon had any sort of self control left, she would’ve said she wanted it too, but she had not even a crumb in her entire body. Instead, she lowered herself even more, laying her weight on Yuqi, hoping that she wouldn’t crush her, as she pressed their lips against each other.

Yuqi wasn’t sure what people usually did with their hands. Soyeon’s were busy holding her up, but Yuqi’s just laid flat on the other’s back, slowly creating more and more sweat. She started moving them up, and stopped when she felt the clasp. It wasn’t meant to be anything, but Soyeon smirked against her mouth, so her first instinct was to unclasp it. The older barely let her take a single look before she pressed herself against Yuqi, probably to hide.

The younger tried reaching behind her own back, having problems as Soyeon was heavy on top of her, but finally succeeding as she arched her back.

Her chest wasn’t defined anymore, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t feel Soyeon’s pressing against her. She wanted to look down, but the older stopped her by taking her lips.

Soyeon soon became greedy. She wanted more of whatever Yuqi could give her. So she started moving her tongue faster and harder. She started slowly shifting on top of Yuqi, making the other whimper.

The younger’s hands started roaming around the skin on Soyeon’s back, unconsciously pulling her even closer, if it was possible. She nearly lost everything her body contained when the older’s leg hit her centre.

Since she had Soyeon’s tongue buried in her mouth, she could do nothing else than give away a muffled sound, which surprised the both of them.

Their mouths clicked as Soyeon pulled away.

“Sorry.” the older said, reddening almost as much as Yuqi.

But the younger simply shook her head before catching the other’s lips again. She wasn’t sure her words would be coherent anyways.

Soyeon pressed her leg again, causing a moan to escape from Yuqi’s mouth right into her own. It made the older repeat her move several more times, before the other’s breath hitched in her throat, and her rolled back into her head.

The older couldn’t be completely sure if what she thought had happened actually had happened, until Yuqi smiled widely as she tried to catch her breath.

The older felt a sudden embarrassment, and she was sure Yuqi felt it too, as both of them started laughing. Yuqi brought up her hands to cover her face, and Soyeon fell flat on top of her and giggled into her chest.

The older looked up after a minute, and studied the beautiful creature underneath her. Yuqi’s smile was so wide and bright that Soyeon thought she’d never seen a smile like that. She definitely hadn’t seen a smile like that. 

She had barely noticed how Yuqi brushed her thumb over her cheek, as she was too busy adoring the younger. But when Yuqi puckered her lips, Soyeon was quick to peck them just how many times the younger wanted her to.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> do you think yuyeon is moving too quickly?
> 
> i just saw that i put one chapter too many. it’s 12 chapters, not 13. sorry. but there is a sequel coming and it’ll probably have the most chapters out of all parts, so look forward to that.  
> also, i’m sorry that this chapter is slightly shorter, but the next one is a long one. see it as a preparation.
> 
> twitter: @elisaisokiswear  
> curiouscat: @imokipromise
> 
> stay safe and healthy, and keep your trust in our girls.


	11. Water waving forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i’m really sorry about the delayed chapter, but i had too much to do to be able to post yesterday. but now i’m back with the second to last chapter, i hope you enjoy!
> 
> WARNINGS: no particular warnings.
> 
> twitter: @elisaisokiswear  
> curiouscat: @elisaisokiswear

*

Yuqi was used to feeling Shuhua’s back press against her own every morning. Or having the taiwanese’s leg over her own, or occasionally an arm in her face. If Yuqi did the same to the other, was a mystery she’d never tell.

She wasn’t at all used to having someone’s skin pressed against her own, feeling every inch of the body that skin belongs to. Having the heat and scent all over her own skin as she hugged to body close. No, she wasn’t used at all.

But not being used to and being uncomfortable was not the same thing, and Yuqi felt so long from uncomfortable you could get. She didn’t even mind the other’s hair tickling her neck.

She did however start to feel a little weird in her body. It had been that way since last night, and she didn’t know what to make out of it. All she knew, was that she didn’t want the other body to move from hers, so she held her tight.

Even when Soyeon started moving, she didn’t let go. The bodies were both sticky and warm, but Yuqi didn’t mind. One of the older’s legs were hugging her own, as her arm laid in the middle of Yuqi’s chest. Her hair was laid flat on the younger’s shoulder, and Yuqi figured it had been all night as she felt the ache. But she didn’t mind.

It took several more minutes of Yuqi being half-asleep with closed eyes and Soyeon occasionally shifting in her sleep. Then, the younger felt Soyeon’s lips against her shoulder. It wasn’t a heavy touch like last night, but just a light brush, to signal she was awake and had no plans to move either.

Yuqi answered with lowering her face to kiss the top of Soyeon’s head. Yuqi preferred this wake-up over Shuhua’s kicks and occasional screams, everyday. Especially when Soyeon’s hand started tracing over the bones on her chest.

Normally, she would’ve hated anyone getting close to the parts of her that were the ugliest, but Soyeon’s touch was to electrifying to care about something like that.

Her fingers moved slowly, minding their own business, just playing with the skin it traced over. It went from from her upper chest bone, to the space between her neck and shoulder, over the front of her neck, to the other side. That’s where the finger stopped, as Soyeon let out a gasp.

“Hm?” Yuqi asked, not awaken enough to say anything coherent, and too taken back to even open her eyes.

“You’ve got... you’ve got a red bruise here.” she said in a hoarse voice as she lightly touched the area.

“Shit.” Yuqi said, but she couldn’t actually care less, which reflected in the way she loosely said the word.

Soyeon leaned into her neck again, and pressed light pecks against the wounded skin. The kisses soon traced up to her mouth, but stopped before their lips could meet. Yuqi opened her eyes, to see the grin on Soyeon’s face.

“Your breath smells.” the younger said through her smug face.

Yuqi tried to glare at her, but the smile on her face betrayed her. Instead, she started pushing Soyeon away from her, only making Soyeon grin wider. 

The younger was just about to make her comeback, when the alarm on her phone went off. Soyeon got startled enough to change her grin into a frown, while Yuqi just let out a whine.

“Why did you set your alarm?” the older asked, rolling away from Yuqi to bury herself back in the sheets. “Homeschooled kids shouldn’t set an alarm.”

Yuqi ignored her comment as she turned off the alarm, and got up from the bed. She only remembered that she hadn’t clothed herself from last night, when she felt the room’s air against her skin. She quickly reddened up, and turned her head Soyeon’s way. 

The older had brought the cover over her head, to Yuqi’s relief. The chinese grabbed the item closest to her, which happened to be Soyeon’s black, oversized hoodie. Well, whatever. They were girlfriends now, Yuqi had decided. Girlfriends borrow each other’s clothes. 

She was sure the other had fallen asleep already when she tipped over the floor to her desk, where the the first drawer held what most of the family’s money went to each month. 

Soyeon must’ve heard the way the pills meet the plastic of its container, as her head perked up just in time to see Yuqi dump them down her throat. Five different pills in all different colours and sizes, and Yuqi swallowed them like it was nothing.

The older girl had seen it happen for a few days now, but she swore she’d never get used to it.

“Woogi.” she said before she could catch herself.

“Yeah?” the younger turned her head.

Soyeon wasn’t sure what she wanted to say in the first place. She had no idea why she called the other’s name. But now that she had her attention, she didn’t want it to leave her. So naturally, she brought up her arms from under the duvet and held out her arms.

Yuqi smiled before walking towards her and bent down on the side of the bed, and Soyeon wrapped her arms around her. Their faces moved towards each other, but Yuqi only managed to get a quick peck before the other pulled away.

“Mm, your breath still stinks.” the older teased.

Yuqi frowned for a second, before she grinned.

“You asked for it.” she said.

Now it was Soyeon’s turn to frown, which she did, and Yuqi made sure not to miss it before she continued with her morning routine.

It wasn’t until Soyeon receive a text message, that she remembered that she had a buss she couldn’t miss. And a friend who seemed to be in a bad mood, judging from the dots and lack of emojis.

The koran hurried up, startling Yuqi when she clamped into the bathroom. She got ready within five minutes, that’s what it felt like at least. And she couldn’t even linger in Yuqi’s arms when they said goodbye. They only had time for a quick kiss, and maybe another one, before Soyeon had to hurry through the back the town to the buss station.

*  
*  
*

“Why are you so quiet?” Soyeon asked the dancer.

They’d been sitting on the bus for five minutes, and Soojin hadn’t uttered a single word.

“I’m always quiet.” she answered in a monotone voice.

Soyeon frowned as she tried to her eye contact with the other girl, but she just looked ahead of her with a blank face.

“Well, your thoughts are quiet.”

Soojin continued just looking ahead of her, while Soyeon tried to study her face. It was obvious that she was upset about something. Most people just thought it was Soojin’s normal, I-don’t-care face, but Soyeon could read those eyes too well now, and she was obviously hurting. The younger was sure it was about Shuhua. It was always about Shuhua. But she couldn’t ask, just because it was about Shuhua. When the young taiwanese was involved, Soyeon was not allowed to dig into it. And it was probably better for the both of them.

Instead, she knew it was better to get the older on other thoughts. And there was one thing she’d thought of telling her, but hadn’t found the time.

“You know how you asked me how I got an apartment?” she said, looking at the other.

“Mm.” the older answered, keeping her gaze ahead of her.

“Yeah, well...” she said before grabbing Soojin’s cheek and making her head turn herself. “I kinda owned money from writing and producing songs for a radio station.”

“Huh?” she raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Soyeon nodded. “But that was Windy’s music, not mine, so you probably don’t recognise it.”

“That’s you?” Soojin shifted in her seat as she said the short sentence with a raised voice.

“You know her?”

“You’re blowing up on twitter!” she exclaimed. “Everyone’s been trying to figure out who Windy is. Oh my god, of course it’s you!”

The older fell back in her seat as she brought up her phone and instantly opened the app. She typed the name into the search bar and showed Soyeon the trending tweets.

The younger only shrugged, but she did feel happy when she read the positive comments about the sounds. She was happy for Windy’s sake, because Windy had worked so hard. She hoped she could do the same one day.

“You’re not going crazy.” Soojin stated. “Why are you not going crazy like the Soyeon I know would?”

“I told you, it’s Windy’s songs, not mine.” she shrugged again.

There were still parts of Soyeon that were mysterious to Soojin, but she figured she’d learn as they go. 

“Oh!” Soyeon suddenly exclaimed and grabbed both Soojin’s hands as she had a wide smile on her face. “I destroyed a glass!”

“What?” Soojin exclaimed back, with the same enthusiasm. “Really?”

“Yes!” she smiled. 

Everyone else would think they were talking about shattered glass on the flour, and wonder why they both were so excited about it. 

“With Yuqi I’m guessing?” the older asked, raising an eyebrow in a teasing manner.

“Mhm.” she nodded.

The glass was an inside joke Soojin and Soyeon had, even though both Miyeon and Minnie had asked them several times not to speak of it. The couple may or may not have kicked off a glass from the nightstand during their first night together. And Minnie may or may not have brought it up while the younger two were in the car, and Soojin and Soyeon may or may not have remembered it from that day forward. And may or may not have used it whenever someone lost their v-card. 

“You’re gonna tell me how it was even if I don’t ask, so just go ahead.” the older stated and gave Soyeon the scene.

“She was so sweet!” the younger started. “She didn’t mind my scars and she was so cute and everything. I think I fell in love with her even more during it. And she was good, I mean-“

“Okay!” Soojin cut her off. “I think the description ends there.”

Soyeon chuckled before nodding.

“I’m really happy for you.” the dancer said, now getting down from their shared excitement to a more stable happiness. “I’m proud of you.”

“For having sex?” Soyeon grinned, making Soojin roll her eyes.

“No.” the older said firmly. “For getting together with Yuqi after all these years. I’m proud that you fought and believed in your love.”

Soyeon smiled widely as she let out a high-pitched whine. She fell forwards into Soojin’s side while the older rolled her eyes again.

“Stop being dramatic.” the dancer scolded. 

“I’m not dramatic, I love you.” Soyeon said without a pause between any words, which had her take a deep breath just as she finished saying it.

“I love you too.” Soojin muttered. “Now, get off of me.”

Soyeon did as told, and her vulnerable smile turned into a grin with a raised eyebrow.

“So...” she asked, knowing it was enough for the older to understand.

“So what?” she was acting dumb.

But the way she was keeping her gaze away was enough of an answer to Soyeon.

“Who?” she smirked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Soojin stated, still keeping her eyes away.

“You obviously do and you’ve obviously done it since you’re acting like this.” the younger smiled teasingly. “Who? A man? A woman?”

“A woman?” Soojin questioned. “Why a woman?”

“Soojin you-“ Soyeon started saying, but cut herself off before she was able to finish it. “A man then? Who is it?”

“No one.” the dancer said between her teeth.

“It’s obviously someone.”

Soojin was shifting uncomfortably, trying desperately not to meet Soyeon’s eyes. But her mind only screamed one name, and Soyeon heard it clearly.

“Hui?” the younger raised her voice. “You slept with Hui?”

The older clenched her jaw and lowered her eyes.

“Don’t you realise what he did to you?” the younger asked, now lowering her voice again. “Sure, you needed him or whatever before but... I don’t see why you would get together with him now. You don’t even enjoy it, Soojin. You don’t feel anything.”

The older stayed quiet for a minute, before she turned her head Soyeon’s way and glared at her.

“Stop involving yourself in my love life.” she warned between her teeth.

“I don’t want to but you’re making it really hard for me not to.” the younger talked back at her. “You don’t like men, Soojin. Okay?”

Soojin brought away her gaze again.

“Remember when we were younger and you kissed me? You kissed me.” Soyeon put emphasis on the first word in the last sentence. “Then you told me you liked Shuhua, and that you don’t enjoy being with Hui.”

The dancer bit her lower lip.

“You like women.” Soyeon tried for the last time.

Soyeon knew Soojin in and out. They rarely talked about stuff that really mattered, and Soyeon never really heard facts about Soojin from Soojin. She got Soojin’s backstory from Miyeon, and the rest of it by watching her and adoring her for several years. Soyeon knew there was no way that girl liked men, she knew it even long before Soojin met Hui. But she also knew why the girl was keeping the thoughts from her mind, and she only had her monster to mother to blame.

“I don’t.” the older girl finished off with, and Soyeon gave up on her mission.

Someday, Soojin would figure it out herself. Soyeon would support her, of course, but she wasn’t about to force her through it.

*  
*  
*

Minnie let her lips linger on Miyeon, before she pulled away, causing a whine to escape the other’s mouth. Just because of it, Minnie smiled while pecking her one last time.

They were seated at the couch in the older girl’s apartment, with a low-quality drama playing on the tv. Minnie had no idea what it actually was about. She’d been out of it since Miyeon sat down under her arm.

“When are you gonna tell him?” Minnie asked the question that had bothered her the entire day.

Miyeon sighed loudly and furrowed her eyebrows.

“It’s not an easy conversation, Min.” she said in a low voice.

“I get that but I don’t want to be your hidden toy or whatever I am right now.” Minnie said while pouting and frowning.

Miyeon thought she looked adorable, but there was another time for that.

“You’ll only make it worse the longer you wait.” the thai stated.

The older put her hand on her cheek and leaned in close to her face.

“I’ll do it when he gets home tonight.” Miyeon said.

She was planning on leaning into Minnie’s lips again, but the feeling from her chest got to her before she could do it.

She put her hand down, and leaned back down in her original spot on the couch.

Miyeon really loved Kwan. He was the sweetest, most loyal and positive man she’d ever met. He always thought of her first, and he loved her more than anyone ever had, not counting the woman next to her.

They’d spent almost three beautiful years together, and now Miyeon was breaking his heart out of nowhere. She wasn’t just breaking it, she was tearing it into pieces and throwing them down a cliff with a sea of lava at the bottom.

Miyeon was clearly the villain of their relationship. She was the one destroying him, and she would never be able to repair him again.

“I don’t think you should be here then.” she said in a low voice, almost a whisper.

Minnie nodded, before pulling the older girl into a side hug. Their heads leaned against each other while quietness filled the room. The thai’s hand started rubbing on the older’s arm, which brought her more comfort than Minnie could ever imagine.

“You do want to be with me, right?” Minnie asked, also using a low voice.

“I already told you.” Miyeon answered.

“Tell me again.”

Miyeon turned her head, and Minnie did the same, until their foreheads pressed against one another. They looked deep into each other’s eyes, feeling all the love they contained.

“I love you and I’d choose you above anyone else.” the older said.

Minnie smiled before she pressed their lips together in a light, calm kiss. There was no desire, just emotion.

But it didn’t last long.

“Miyeon, what the fuck?” 

The voice was loud and angry. Both Minnie and Miyeon jumped the second they heard it, and Miyeon got an instant burning feeling in her chest. Minnie started glowing red, out of embarrassment but mostly guilt.

The older girl stood up, as the sound of bags dropping to the floor filled the room. 

“I didn’t know you’d be home this early.” was all Miyeon managed to say.

Kwan had his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed, but the way he tried to control his breathing gave him away. He was hurt. So, so hurt.

“I can see that.” he stated, while glaring between her and Minnie.

“I was going to tell you tonight, but-“

“How long has this been going on?” his voice cracked.

Minnie looked away from the scene. She wanted to disappear. Something started climbing up her throat.

“Miyeon?”

The oldest girl had her head hanging as she bit her lower lip. Her ears were red and her body sunken.

“I’m sorry...” she muttered quietly.

It didn’t take another minute until the door slammed loudly, and Miyeon’s sunken body sunk even more. Minnie was quickly up her feet and grabbed the other girl. She wasn’t crying, maybe she was too sad to. But Minnie held her close and let the older girl lean against her.

“It’s okay.” she whispered. “I love you. It’s okay.”

*  
*  
*

Yuqi waited patiently for Shuhua to come home that afternoon. She hadn’t been able to talk to her sister at all since yesterday morning, and she really needed to explain everything that happened with Soyeon. Well, maybe not everything. She had a strong feeling the girl wouldn’t like it one bit, but who cares. It’s Yuqi’s life anyways.

But Shuhua stumbled into her room and fell face-flat down on her bed. She didn’t look tired like she usually did, she looked miserable.

“She hates me.” the younger girl muttered.

“Huh? Munhee?” Yuqi questioned, turning in her chair to watch the other.

Shuhua, who had both corners of her lips pressed downwards, turned her head to Yuqi’s direction.

“Her too!” she whined.

“What happened with Soojin?” the chinese placed her pen down, to fully listen to Shuhua’s story.

“First, she acted all jealous but then she said she slept with Hui!” Shuhua whined even louder.

“Huh? Hui? That Hui?”

“Yes!” the youngest exclaimed and loosely hit her fist against the mattress.

“We have to go after her then.” Yuqi said and suddenly stood up from her chair. 

“What?” Shuhua asked as she lifted her head.

“You’re not about to loose her to that jerk again.” the chinese stated as she brought out a bad from her wardrobe. “Go pack some clothes.”

“I can’t just-“

“No, but you have to.” the older caught her off.

“But what about school?”

Yuqi snorted.

“School or the girl you’ve been madly in love with for over three years, you decide.”

*  
*  
*

Kwan wasn’t childish enough to run away from his problems, and Miyeon knew so. That’s why she’d sent Minnie to Soojin’s dorm, hoping that the girl had gotten home by now.

She knew her fiancé was going to walk through those doors any minute, and he did.

His eyes were redder than they were when he left, but he still gave Miyeon a sorry smile. 

The girl stood up from the couch, of an unknown reason as she sat down again when he did the same.

His globes were deep and vulnerable, and Miyeon hated that she was the one who caused it. 

The two rarely fought in the past, and if they did, it was over expired milk or unwashed dishes.

“I’m sorry.” Miyeon was the first one to speak in the dead silence.

“I know you are.” he answered with a faint smile. “But I don’t know if I can forgive you.”

It didn’t surprise Miyeon one bit, but it still tugged on her heart when she heard it.

“Can I...” Miyeon started but she had to clear her voice so that it wouldn’t break. “Can I say something?”

“Go ahead.” he nodded with a faint smile.

“You’re such a good man, Kwan.” she started. “I don’t deserve you. I never have and I never will. I love you so much and that’s why I couldn’t tell you earlier. I don’t wanna loose you, its just...” 

“She’s your person.” the man finished for her in a bittersweet voice, but he still wore an understanding smile.

“Yeah,” Miyeon agreed, “she’s my person.” 

Kwan nodded for a couple of seconds, probably to take it all in.

“You two have history, right?” he then asked.

Miyeon nodded and kept her hands in her lap.

“We promised to run off and marry each other in the past, but we weren’t able to.” she explained.

He looked down to the floor for a couple of seconds as silence filled the room. He then lifted up his head and gave another one of those smiles only him could give.

“Well, I promised I wouldn’t ever leave you, so I guess you’ll have to be the one to break up.” he said while fiddling with his ring.

“You can keep it.” Miyeon said, looking down at his hand.

“I don’t want it.” he responded, making the girl nod.

“I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through.” Miyeon breathed out. “I really am.”

“I know, Miyeon.” he smiled. “But that won’t make anything better right now.”

She nodded again, and held her hand forward to take his ring off, which she did before squeezing it tightly in her hand.

*  
*  
*

Soojin should probably have followed Soyeon home. It was getting dark and the grey haired girl was a stranger to the streets of Seoul. But something pulled Soojin in another direction. Someone.

They’d agreed to meet up over a drink, because either of their dorms would be a dangerous place right now considering what happened last time. 

The bar was almost empty. It was too late for those who’d eaten dinner but too early for those who wanted to party. 

Hui was already seated at a table, scrolling through his phone before Soojin cleared her throat in front of him. His face lit up into a wide smile, and he instantly got up to give Soojin a side hug before pulling out the chair for her. They both sat down and smiled as they looked at each other.

“I’m happy you agreed to meet.” Hui said.

“Of course.” Soojin smiled. “I felt bad about just leaving in the morning.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” he smiled.

The waiter soon walked up to them with two drinks Soojin guessed Hui already had ordered. He politely thanked him, before grabbing the drinks and placing one on each side of the table. The girl took a small sip, before a bigger one when she realised how good it tasted.

“Good?” Hui asked, grinning as he watched the girl sip the drink over and over.

She smiled as a reply before placing the glass down on the table again.

“I wanted to speak to you about that night.” he then spoke, making Soojin gulp. “Well, not specifically that night but maybe what we can make out of it.”

The girl motioned for him to continue.

“Well, I felt like the chemistry we had was just like back then, if not even better.”

Soojin couldn’t remember a thing or two about what happened that night, and she felt none of the chemistry Hui was mentioning three years ago.

“And I think chemistry like that isn’t to waste.” he smiled smugly. 

The girl had to think for a second, and he must’ve realised as he raised his drink to his lips and started drinking from it as he let Soojin take the time she needed. Well, he had changed. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try?

“We could try again.” the female dancer proposed, and Hui smiled widely instantly.

Soojin soon joined his smile with a just as bright one herself.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> “But her mind only screamed one name, and Soyeon heard it clearly.”. This sentence shows that they can speak to each other without using words. The same goes for Miyeon and Minnie (not recently tho) and Yuqi and Shuhua. Why do you think it’s those particular pairings who can do it, instead of the actual pairings?
> 
> twitter: @elisaisokiswear  
> curiouscat: @elisaisokiswear
> 
> stay safe, healthy and loving our girls!


	12. And may you in your innocence, sail through this to that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let time take everything. The autumn leaves, a kid’s childhood. Let it take the good and the bad, but don’t let it touch us.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Three years later, and everything fell apart.
> 
> Chapter is named after Lucille Clifton’s poem “Blessing the boats”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry for the delay, again! but it’s finally the last chapter, good job hanging in there. i hope to see you in my next story, which will be a sequel to this story, and will be posted within the upcoming weeks.
> 
> WARNINGS: mention of self harm, consumption of alcohol.
> 
> enjoy!

*

“Are you sure you’re doing it right?” Minnie asked as she felt her scalp being massaged by Miyeon.

“It literally says ‘apply to hair’ what could I do wrong?” the older asked, almost fainting as she felt the strong scent of chemicals infiltrating her lungs.

“Knowing you, everything.” Minnie answered.

She could almost hear Miyeon roll her eyes.

“It’s a black colour, I wouldn’t be able to do it wrong even if I tried.” the oldest stated, which was enough to shut Minnie up. “You’re just a rich kid with the luxury of going to salons for these stuff.”

“Not anymore.” Minnie reminded. 

Miyeon bit her lower lip. The thai really had given everything up to be with her. Her family, her home, her financial security, her overall safety. And she hadn’t asked anything in return. She was even ready to give Miyeon up if that would make the other happier. The korean felt like she owned the other so, so much. She had to do something to give her back.

“Someone once told me, that if you truly love someone, you always smile a little.” Miyeon said. “And I hadn’t been smiling since you left, until that night you bought me ice cream. And now I find myself unable to stop smiling when I look at you.”

She lowered her head to kiss Minnie’s neck.

“What are you saying?” the younger asked.

“Min... I owe you so much.” she said against the other’s neck. “So much more than I could’ve imagined. I owe you a family, a home.”

“Miyeonie-“

“Let me give that to you. Everything I owe you, let me give that back to you.”

Minnie turned her head as Miyeon’s lifter hers, until their lips were only inches apart.

“You don’t owe me anything.” Minnie whispered.

Their lips met in the sweetest, calmest and slowest kiss they had ever had. Miyeon’s lips graced over Minnie, as they showed each other all the love they carried in their hearts.

Then, they pulled away and smiled at each other. It was sweet, and a little drowsy at first, until Minnie’s eyes shifted up to the top of Miyeon’s head, and she started laughing loudly.

The older questioned her by raising a brow.

“You’ve got black colour all over your eyebrow!” Minnie blurred out between laughs.

*  
*  
*

“You texted them, right?” the anxious Shuhua asked as she shifted in her seat.

”I texted Soojin, yes.” Yuqi answered, eyes out the window. “Well, Soyeon was the one who answered but it was SooSoo’s phone.”

Shuhua nodded slowly. Her eyes drifted to the window where a city had started showing in the distance. The buildings were high enough to disappear in the clouds.

“Look, Shu, I’ve gotta tell you something.” the chinese said, feeling the nerves in her body tightening.

The older looked her way and nodded as encouragement.

“So...” she shifted awkwardly and started playing with her fingers. “Something kinda happened... between me and Soyeon.”

Instead of the glare of frown Yuqi was expecting, she could see no change in her facial features at all. Then, a slight smirk started growing, making Yuqi frown in confusion.

“What?” she blurted out.

“I saw you all nakey.” Shuhua went up in pitch on the last word. “With her... in your arms.”

“What?” Yuqi reddened. “When?”

“Last night.”

“You walked in on us?” the chinese raised her voice and turned even more red.

Shuhua just giggled and pointed at her sister’s disturbed face.

“What?” the younger heard the irritation growing in the other’s voice.

“You were both asleep.” Shuhua clarified and saw the other loosen up. “Basically on top of each other.”

Yuqi fell back in her seat and could breathe normally again. 

“Aren’t you mad?” she then asked.

“Mm...” she squeezed her eyes the slightest bit. “I think I saw it coming.”

The older nodded.

“I don’t approve but there’s nothing I can do about it.” Shuhua stated. “Just know that I’ll kill her if she hurts you.”

“She’s not gonna hurt me.” Yuqi said confidently. “She’s not like that.”

“She almost did in the past.”

“I’m sure she...” the chinese could hear her voice go from confident to unsure, “had her reasons.”

Yuqi remembered that she had little to no clue about why Soyeon actually left all those years ago. She was sure it was because of her parents, but why right then? Why not sooner or later? Something must’ve happened, right? And why couldn’t she tell anyone except Soojin? Was it that she didn’t want to tell anyone? Then why did Soojin have the privilege of knowing, and not Yuqi?

All these thoughts floated around in Yuqi’s head as they arrived in Seoul. 

The bus made a beep, to signal that the engines were stopping and the doors opening. 

Yuqi’s heart made a happy jump as she saw the two older through the window. It had only been one day since she saw Soyeon but she’d still missed her. Her heart stopped jumping around when she looked to her side, where Shuhua was biting her lower lip as she kept her gaze down. Soojin was wearing the same face outside the window.

The two foreigners were almost the last two getting off the bus, and when they did, there were several people between them and the other two. But after some pushing, and Yuqi’s breath disappearing out of her chest so that Shuhua had to hold her up, they reached the other two. 

Despite Yuqi bending down, Soyeon hugged her and helped holding her up meanwhile. Shuhua’s hand was still on Yuqi’s back, just in case. Just in case Soyeon couldn’t, or wouldn’t, handle it. She didn’t even notice Soojin, who was standing by Soyeon’s side. She was too busy eyeing Yuqi, who’d snuggled into the short korean’s neck. Soyeon’s eyes were closed and her smile wide, as she tightly held onto Yuqi’s waist. Maybe Shuhua should let go of the chinese, just not yet.

The the couple pulled away, Yuqi turned to Soojin and gave her a hug. Soyeon walked to Shuhua at the same time, and quietly asked for permission to hug her with her eyes. The taiwanese nodded reluctantly, but she barely hugged Soyeon back.

Maybe Soyeon and Yuqi expected Soojin and Shuhua to hug each other, as they stayed still a couple of minutes more, but that never happened. The oldest of the four started walking instead, to which Soyeon and Yuqi followed closely behind her. Shuhua walked at the far back, to keep her eyes on Yuqi. At least that’s the reason she tried to convince herself of.

“They’re hopeless.” Yuqi said with a heavy breath as she grabbed Soyeon’s smaller hand.

Shuhua pretended not to hear it.

*  
*  
*

“Miyeon, why is one of your eyebrows black?” was the first thing Yuqi said when the older opened the door.

It caught everyone off guard, especially Miyeon who widened her eyes, before her face turned into a frown.

“Hey!” she complained in a loud voice. “That’s the first thing you say to me? Not a ‘I’ve missed you’ or even a ‘nice to see you’? God, kids these days.”

The chinese just chuckled before hugging Miyeon, before loudly screaming at the thai as she entered the apartment. Miyeon greeted the other three and welcomed them in, before she turned around to a frozen Yuqi.

“Your hair is black!” Yuqi nearly screamed, to which Minnie raised both eyebrows as to say ‘duh’. “Did you turn emo or something?”

“What?” Minnie asked. “My hair is naturally black, why are you so surprised?”

“You’ve always had bright colours for as long as I’ve known you, and now you’ve gone black!”

Shuhua had to push Yuqi forward so the other three could enter properly, which caused her to stumble into Minnie’s arms.

Within a second, all six were inside the main room in the apartment, most seated on the couch but Miyeon and Soojin were in the kitchen. Miyeon was there to unpack all the ordered food, and Soojin to avoid a certain taiwanese.

“So he’ll let you keep the apartment?” the dancer asked as she pressed a chopped cucumber into her mouth.

“Only until I find another apartment.” Miyeon said, lifting up the food from the bags.

“And you’ll do that with what money?”

“From my parent’s old house. It won’t be a mansion but... enough for an apartment like this one.”

The older brought the bowls and ship sticks from the cupboards and gestured for Soojin to get the glasses. 

“And how will we pay for everything else?” the younger cousin asked.

“I guess we’ll use savings to begin with.” Miyeon answered. “Minnie has started looking for a full time job, and you and I can get a side gig or something. I’m sure they need a choreographer or background dancer somewhere, right?”

“And Soyeon?”

“If she’s staying, I’m buying her a keyboard.”

Soojin smiled to herself, before Miyeon’s loudest voice called everyone to help her bring the food to the coffee table. The dining table only had four chairs, and it wasn’t nearly big enough for six people.

Yuqi and Shuhua stumbled in mid-argument while Soyeon and Minnie hurried after. Miyeon didn’t even want to ask what they fought about, and instead handed them the different bowls of food, before doing the same to Soyeon. Minnie had walked to her side, and waited until Soojin too had left the room, before she wrapped her arms around Miyeon’s waist from behind and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.

“Are you trying to get special treatment?” Miyeon asked, holding the food she was going to give to Minnie.

“Maybe.” the younger muttered and hugged Miyeon tighter.

“Won’t work.” she sing-sung. “You still have to help.”

Minnie pouted as she let go and grabbed the bowls, causing Miyeon to chuckle before following her out with two bowls of her own. She wasn’t surprised that all of them had started eating, and barely noticed her, when she sat down on the flour beside Minnie.

“You took all of it!” Soyeon shouted and pointed at Yuqi’s bowl. “Give me some!”

“Finders keepers!” she growled back and pulled her bowl closer to her chest.

“Give it back!” Shuhua joined the fight.

“No I have to gain weight so it’s only natural if I get all the mandoo.” she squeezed her lips together in a smug smile.

“Or you could eat a little of everything like everyone else does.” Minnie said as she grabbed some tteokbokki on the other side of the table.

“Soyeon get to pick what she’s eating! Then I get to too!” the chinese got defensive and started pointing with her chopsticks.

“I’m an exception.” Soyeon said calmly, still trying to reach Yuqi’s bowl. “I don’t eat vegetables.”

“And that’s unhealthy!” Miyeon chimed in. “You’re nearly twenty, you should eat your vegetables.”

“Says the girl who eats instant noodles for a snack every night.” Minnie said while playfully rolling her eyes.

There were several more arguments during their dinner, most of them forgotten when the food was down their stomachs. Shuhua never failed to notice how Soojin’s eyes looked at her from time to time, and Soojin didn’t miss how Shuhua’s did the same. But all the girls were screaming too loudly around them to have a conversation of their own.

Miyeon soon brought in the drinks, which were small glasses filled with soju, and then the entire bottle on the side. Soojin saw how Shuhua’s eyes instantly went to Yuqi, who glared at her before nodding. 

“The only rule I actually follow, is the one that I can’t drink alcohol, or it’ll rub my immune system.” the chinese spoke and stood up. “Do you have some coke or something?”

“Yeah, in the fridge.” Miyeon said back as she carefully placed down the tray on top of the table, but of course still managed to spill some.

No one minded the growing scent of alcohol in the room as they grabbed their glasses, and when Yuqi sat back down, the oldest spoke again.

“So, it’s been a long time since we had a sleepover, and I know that we’re older now and that you will protest-“

“Just get to it.” Soyeon cut in.

“But I thought it would be fun to play ‘end my sentence’.” she said, looking around at everyone who sat still. “I mean just cause-“

“I think it sounds fun.” Minnie smiled.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Soyeon said.

Everyone nodded and agreed with murmurs, making Miyeon smile widely as her idea was accepted. Minnie noticed and placed her hand on Miyeon’s knee, while looking at her happy girlfriend.

“I’ll start!” Yuqi declared, already turned towards Soyeon, so it wasn’t a surprise who she asked. “Your favourite person in the room is...”

“Soojin.” she answered with a smirk.

Yuqi pouted immediately and crossed her arms over her chest, but Soyeon just parted her shoulder. No one asked if her answer was true or not, for the sake of the couple. 

“Shuhua, you hate me because...”

Shuhua looked around the room quickly, appearing to be distressed.

“Because you’ll hurt Yuqi.” she said carefully.

Soyeon nodded, before speaking up.

“I won’t hurt her.” she said. “I won’t leave her. She’s stuck with me now.”

A few giggled filled the room, even Shuhua grew a smile on her face, before nodding as well and then shifting her gaze.

“Uhm...” she said, searching with her eyes around at everyone. “Minnie...”

It took her over a minute to come up with anything, but Shuhua wasn’t ever known for her creativity so who could blame her.

“The most embarrassing thing that had happened to you is...”

It didn’t even take a second before Minnie smirked and opened her mouth to speak, to which Miyeon panicked and pushed the glass towards her mouth.

“Drink.” she commanded. “Don’t say.”

Minnie obeyed and emptied the glass, but her smirk was still there, and when she opened her mouth again, Miyeon had no soju to stop her with.

“So it was our first time-“

“Stop!” the older complained before grabbing a pillow and burrowing her head in it.

Soyeon and Soojin already started chuckling, signalling that they already knew the story.

“My brothers were home but we both said that we could be quiet. And it worked fine until Miyeon decided to kick down a glass from my nightstand. Not even a minute later both my brother barged into the room, Mac with a baseball bat cause they didn’t know I was home.” Minnie’s smiled was wide, and Miyeon’s hidden in the pillow.

Shuhua and Yuqi had joined Soojin and Soyeon’s snickering.

“So there I was, completely naked on top of a girl they’d never seen before.” Minnie laughed loudly. “I couldn’t look them in their eyes for a week after that, and Miyeon didn’t even step a foot in our house in a month.”

“It was embarrassing!” the older girl screamed from her pillow.

It took everyone another minute to calm down, and Miyeon to lower her pillow to make her red face visible for everyone in the room. But she still wore a smile and laughed along with the others.

“Okay, my turn!” the thai said excitedly in a high-pitched voice. “Between lesbian sex and straight sex, you prefer... Miyeonie!”

”You’re literally asking her to choose between you and Kwan.” Soyeon pointed out, causing Minnie to glare at her.

Miyeon swallowed her glass without the two noticing, causing confusion when she started asking her question.

“Wait, wait, wait, you didn’t answer!” Minnie complained.

“I drank.” Miyeon declared but didn’t give her girlfriend more attention.

“But-“ Minnie was caught off, causing her to pout.

“Soojin, the person in this room you would kiss if you had to is...”

The dancer blushed immediately. Of course she had an answer in her head, but she pushed it away. She couldn’t think like that. It was gross to think like that. Instead, she brought the glass up to her lips, hearing complaints from everyone else, but still swallowing it and continuing around the circle.

They kept going for several hours more, until Minnie was too gone to form a single sentence. 

*  
*  
*

Soyeon left a complaining Minnie behind her as she made her way to the bathroom.

“Don’t you like me more?” the thai asked while holding a hard grip around Miyeon’s shoulders, making it a hundred times harder for Miyeon to prepare the beddings for everyone.

But Soyeon shut the sound out as she opened the bathroom door. Yuqi got a little startled at first, but then continued to swallow her nightly dose of medicine as Soyeon lurked behind her. Then, the smaller girl closed up to her, until she put her hands on Yuqi’s belly, and rested her forehead against Yuqi’s back.

“Woogi.” she said quietly.

“Hm?”

“Shuhua hates me.” she said quietly, in a voice that wasn’t her own, one that sounded more robotic than the one she was born with.

Yuqi chuckled and turned around to hug the other girl. It came clear during the night that neither of them were big on public display of affection, so Yuqi didn’t know how much her body had craved to be in the other’s hold. But as her arms fell around Soyeon’s shoulders, and Soyeon’s arms pulled her tighter, she felt the thrill all over her body.

“She doesn’t hate you.” Yuqi said. “She’s just protective over me. She’ll warm up to you over time.”

Soyeon pouted, but Yuqi quickly took it away by pecking her lips.

“Don’t think too much about it.” she said.

Soyeon nodded, not fully convinced, before Yuqi let go of her to swallow the remaining of her pills. The shorter walked away to the wall, and rested her back against it as she looked down on her arm, which was exposed due to her hoodie going up in Yuqi’s turn. The scars were all turning whiter now, the red ones not nearly as irritated anymore. It only stung once in awhile, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t bare with.

“Soyeon,” the younger spoke, and Soyeon looked up at her, “why do you have those?”

Yuqi’s eyebrows had frowned as she watched Soyeon through the mirror.

The older looked down at her arm again, before pulling her sleeve up even more to show the other all scars she’d owned over the years. The oldest ones had already disappeared of course.

“When I was younger,” Soyeon started, and Yuqi already knew this would be a long story, “my mom found me and Soojin kissing.”

The chinese nodded slowly.

“But she didn’t like it, so she cut me as a punishment. Then she just continued over the years. And it became kinda grounding I guess, so I continued doing it when I had episodes in Busan.” 

“Soyeon...” the younger muttered and instantly walked towards her. “I’m so sorry.”

The older accepted the hug she received, but she didn’t feel bad about any of it anymore. She didn’t want to put any energy on her past when she had this right now.

*  
*  
*

Shuhua had walked into the other room minutes ago to get a few minutes away from all the craziness. Even she had her boundaries sometimes. And she couldn’t take any more of the awkward atmosphere she had with Soojin.

She was just resting on her back, with her legs dangling down from the bed and her eyes staring up at the roof. The door made a little noise, before the bed moved beside her. Shuhua didn’t even have to ask who was there, as she clearly smelled the scent.

They didn’t say a word, but the atmosphere still managed to change from awkward to calm. She no longer felt anxious, she just felt calm. Maybe it was Soojin’s scent or just simply her presence.

The younger lifted up her hand and spread her fingers, and the older quickly intertwined them with her own. Their hands soon fell on the little amount of space between them, as they both turned their heads to each other.

Soojin’s eyes were big and deep, and Shuhua’s were wide. She could swear she saw a glimmer in the older’s eye, but it was too quick and fast to be sure. 

Shuhua felt the warm feeling all over her body again, only getting triggered more when even more of Soojin’s scent hit her nostrils. 

She carefully moved her head closer to the other, and watched as Soojin did the same. They looked right into each other’s eyes, the same intensity dancing in both of them. When their noses met, Shuhua squeezed the other’s hand to make sure it was real. Then, she felt the hot breath hitting her lips. She was ready to fall right into pieces, only if she hadn’t listened to the words the breath let out with it.

“I’m trying with Hui again.” Soojin whispered, not backing away the slightest bit from Shuhua. 

The younger though, she moved her head away quicker than she’d ever moved before. And left Soojin’s hand as well, as she jumped further back on the bed, suddenly in a seating position, which Soojin followed her with.

Shuhua opened and closed her mouth several times, before biting her jaw together and scoffing. She didn’t even mind the tear starting to roll down her cheek, she was too done with this.

”I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you,” she hissed through teeth and tears, “but I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.”

Soojin’s eyes widened in confusion, and she was just about to open her mouth, when Shuhua spoke again.

“You’ve broken my heart too many times.” she scoffed yet another time, before clicking her tongue. 

If she could punch anything, she would. She was sad for sure, but she was so much more mad. She was furious.

The younger girl glared at the stone-faced Soojin, before scuffing one last time, and landing her hand on the door handle.

“I’m done with you.” she spoke clearly with nothing but certainty in her voice, before wiping a tear and disappearing out the door.

The older girl was left alone in the door with her own thoughts. She hated her own thoughts. She hated them even more now.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question of the chapter:  
> which storyline has been your favourite?
> 
> thank you for reading this story! all the support makes me happier than i can explain!  
> i understand that a lot of people are frustrated because of a certain character, but remember that every person works differently. for some people it takes longer to grow and change, and that’s okay.
> 
> please look out for the sequel! it’ll be out within the next couple of weeks, at most. 
> 
> thanks again!
> 
> twitter: @elisaisokiswear  
> curiouscat: @elisaisokiswear

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments, questions, thoughts and whatever you want in the comments! they inspire me to write more!


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